To not want any more house guests, ever.

[carlywurly]

That really. We are lucky to live in a popular holiday area, not far from the beach. As property is great value, we've got a bigger house than where we lived before. Every school holiday I'm inundated by requests to visit from family, friends and former colleagues and have always said yes to everyone to the extent that we had people staying for 10 weeks of last year.

This year I've just had enough. The constant mess, noise and expense has left me knackered. People turn up with a bottle of wine and expect full board for a week. They head off home leaving the house full of sand and endless loads of washing behind them. The "we'll just use you as a base" crowd drive me mad as do the ones who expect every day to be planned out for them. And don't get Me started on the ones who don't contact us at any other time except the run up to summer.

I love seeing people but can't do this anymore. I've had 3 requests for oct half term. Aibu just to say no? What do others do? Sorry for ranting, am cranky and tired

Sorry to say it but just stand up for yourself and say 'no, sorry that's not going to be possible'. If pressed for a reason just say 'last year we had people staying pretty much constantly and to be honest I just don't want it'.
Simple as.

I feel for these people. Living here in Spain we have mostly relatives staying who to be fair pay for odd meals out. We never hear from my DBIL except when his summer break is due tho! We have had cause to grind our teeth at times - friend of my cousin we didn't even know broke a sunbed, but didn't mention it. Stayed for 4 days free b&b. Relative's boyfriend left mark from beer bottle on bedroom chest

Of course we are always the ones in the wrong if we complain. One has to be nice to people even after they treat your beautifully cleaned house in a cavalier manner. Sign of the times.

Sign of the times two years ago as well

YAsoooooooNBU!! I couldn't imagine ever inviting myself to someone's house to stay. How rude. We only to go if we are invited (and no hints on our part). Why don't you only limit guests to the ones you invite, if any, and tell all the others that it would be lovely to see them but they'll have to rent a place.

I hate people coming over to my house...I hate the mess, making them food, pouring drinks, even hate seeing their shoes in my porch...just fuck off!! I smile sweetly though and count down the minutes till they leave.

ZOMBIE!!

You have to actually book in weekends for yourselves. We used to call them 'mental health weekends'.
Used to live in Brighton.

I grew up in a beautiful house located feet from a lake. It was always full of visiting family and friends during the summer. My parents loved the company but made it clear they were not running a B&B. Guests were firmly pointed in the direction of the linen closet at the end of their stay to put clean sheets on for the next round of guests. My mother placed step by step instructions for using the washer and drier in the laundry room. She and my father never did laundry for guests. My parents filled the fridge with easy to make foods and cereal with in grasp. My mother made dinner for 7 pm every evening, if you wished to eat, then you pitched in to assist. She is 75 now and still receiving guests. Anyone who abuses her hospitality would be shown the door very quickly with no chance of a re-invite.

Buy a holiday home and make them stay in it.

UPDATE TO MY POST OF 1ST SEPT 13

My DSis and BIL came to stay with my other DSis in July 2014 but I insisted they only came here for one day as we had lot of things going on including building work. My DSis said to me as we said goodbye we must keep in touch, well I have never heard from her since in anyway. Her DD and DD'S DH came to stay with my other DSis in April 2015. Whilst on the visit to us for the day my DH had a funny turn as they was leaving. Still never heard from any of them since. My DSis hasn't come this year as she has booked five weeks holiday and they have no other time they can come here. We still haven't had a holiday.

Thanks for the update!
I hate houseguests and I hate staying in other people's houses.
I need time, space and quiet to be "off". I can't be "on" all the time cos I get tired!

You must be good fun & great hosts, however, looking after this volume of guests sounds like a full time job in itself!

You need tools ready to block these requests before they turn into plans. I'd be wary of saying "we're busy that week" etc because you'll be drawn into finding an alternative time.

Why not say one of these: we're planning on having a quiet summer/half term/year so it will probably just be us OR It would be nice for us to get away, could we come to you? OR we've got a lot of plans to work around this summer/half term/year but I'll give you a call if we can find a time that would be good for you to visit (and then don't call) OR we'd love to see you, how about you come for lunch? (or another short, contained plan).

Additionally, I'd call the people you want to come and proactively get these dates in the diary so you have some 'bookings' should you really need to go down that road with someone else.

I can't believe your guests don't wait to be invited first and obliviously leave you so put upon. Don't start asking for money as it doesn't sound like your problem is (solely) about money and guests would become even more entitled.

Good luck!

I never understand these threads. If you act like a doormat, people will walk all over you. Why are you all worrying about offending people who clearly don't give a shit about offending you?

Just say clearly and firmly that you are not having guests to stay as you want some time alone with your partners and kids. Or that you are too busy. Or lie and say you already have people coming over. It's really not that hard.

I have the same problem. I live in rural Scotland and people see my house as the perfect holiday destination. We've not had a free weekend since May and most weeks were booked up too. We both work full time, I have a life-limiting illness and I am now 6 months pregnant. I just can't take it anymore. It's a permanent cycle of shopping, cooking, cleaning and washing... Most folk don't contribute anything (either financially or in kind) and also expect you to be a travel agent and plan their holiday for them. I have told DH that the next three months have to be visitor-free. I need a break.

Why haven't you had a holiday five rabbits if the visitor volume has reduced? Why don't you contact your sisters rather than waiting for them to phone you? It sounds as though you're now moaning that no-one visits you. You maybe need to decide how many weeks and which weeks you want visitors for if you don't like it if no-one comes.
I like family and friends visiting occasionally but I wouldn't want anyone coming and using my house as "a base". If they're not coming specifically to see us then they can stay in a hotel. Anyone staying is expected to help. If we're both at work they can cook dinner.
Probably why we have few people coming to stay although we're handy for the Edinburgh festivals.

I'm making a list of places to go and stay for a nice, all-inclusive, waited on hand and foot holiday, from this thread!! When shall I arrive?

We don't get a lot of visitors, but I have had a few of the 'using you as a base' sort - but in every case they have mucked in with keeping the house tidy-ish (I am no domestic goddess, so a bit of extra mess doesn't faze me), cooking meals, offering to treat us to takeaways etc. One particularly lovely friend ordered an entire cooked leg of ham to be delivered to me, just before they arrived, and that did two meals for 9 of us, with salad, plus sandwiches for all and sundry during the week, and there was still loads of it left over when they went home. Even the dog was happy because she got the bone!

Same friend came on her own, last year, and spent a few days before going and hiking along Hadrians Wall. I had a bit of a mild moan about not having got the kitchen decorated over the summer, despite having all the boys home, who were old enough to help out. Next thing I know, we are in B&Q looking at paint colours, and the next day, we painted the kitchen - even the ceiling - she did that unaided!!

She's been to stay again this summer, and is coming later this month for my 50th birthday party - she is always welcome!!

I think we need a MN Hit Squad - made up of people like expat - who will go and tell some of these cheeky feckers where they get off. We could do cheeky neighbours, rude co-workers, selfish partners. Just tell us when and where, and we will turn up and twat them with a spade for you!

Aah, WeePoppy, I am in the exact same boat. We've just moved to rural North Wales and while it's really lovely to have family and friends visit, at 6 months pregnant it's utterly exhausting. Changing beds feels like a mission and takes forever (huge bump already) and there's a constant round of washing. I feel like we live week to week and never get around to doing all the pre-baby jobs around the house because we're running to catch up.

That said, I'm also glad our family and friends can be bothered to trek all this way to see us, as we don't go down to them too often and we'd never see them otherwise. I keep telling myself I'll be grateful of the interest when I'm at home on my own with a baby. And I'll have the perfect excuse for not being able to host the shit out of every visit!

The perfect house guest = people who make use of the house as if it was their own, don't expect to be waited on and offered things every five minutes, but clear up after themselves like it's their own home too. Not too much to ask, surely.

Actually, re-reading my post I'm just thinking that most of guests do exactly what I asked and I'm really quite lucky! I will stop moaning forthwith!

I agree with expat - OP you don't sound like a saint you sound like a pushover!

Either you're running a hotel so they should pay for the services and food you provide, or you're not so the should pitch in.

Just say no, you've decided no visitors. How about inviting people to stay rather than accepting their requests?

Gosh people are awful, who invites themselves, and then behaves so badly?!

Our friends in the SW invited us for a holiday last year as they knew we were on a budget for our holiday that year.

We bought our own food shopping, cooked for them, made sure we did washing up and took them out for a meal. It also meant they didnt have to pay a dog walker, as we walked their puppy with our dog.

My DB and SIL are our most common guests but they cook dinner for us all while they are here. SIL actually stayed the week my ds was due (family crisis rather than choice of date) and cooked double quantities every night so when she left (before ds appeared) we had a week of food in the freezer! However, they have never offered to host us saying 'some people find it easier to host than others and besides one of our children would have to move out of their bedroom if you stayed' (they were staying in my dc room at the time).

How about replying to requests with "we would love to have a chance to catch up but thought it would be nice to visit you this year..."

I think you should invite only the people you want to see and who are good guests. Don't accept any more visits than you can manage, for any longer than is acceptable to you.

Refuse all other requests on the grounds that you have decided to cut back on guests because you need a rest, you are exhausted and next year if they choose to holiday in the area you will be glad to see them for a meal out or something but they won't be able to stay at your home.

You need to refuse half-term outright, for your own health.

I am totally perplexed by this thread. Who are all these people who are descending on everyone and this has been going on ten years??

I live in a lovely spot but don't have anyone to stay unless they are coming to see us. Why does anyone run round doing all this stuff for all these people? If it was a MIL or a DSis or something - understandable but are these hordes of people acquaintances, ex work colleagues, friends of friends? Are they people you actually want to spend time with? Why would anyone have these freeloaders in your house? And then to do it again year after year. I just don't get it. I value my privacy, my home and my free time far too much.

I'm sorry but it just feels like some pp's are being totally martyrish in doing this endless cycle of ten weeks of entitled visitors passing through your house taking advantage of you. I just don't get it. maybe I am just antisocial