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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend a bit less than half our annual salary on our wedding? Any regrets if you have done the same?

203 replies

Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 21:10

We have this money in savings but are we spending too much? I keep thinking about the other things this money coud go towards. We are paying for our own wedding by the way, no help from parents.

OH is fine with it. I can't sleep from worry though :(

It's not only about the money but also managing expectations. If we spend all this money and it's not absolutely bloody wonderful I will feel gutted.

OP posts:
Original poster
Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 21:11

I should mention we have a mortgage and 4 DC's!

If we didn't have the children yet I probably wouldn't worry so much.

OP posts:
LieweHeksie · 02/08/2013 21:12

I think you are b

WorraLiberty · 02/08/2013 21:13

If you're worrying about it, I wouldn't do it.

I think some people spend a ridiculous amount of money on one day

It's fine if it causes no worries at all, but that's not the case here is it?

heidihole · 02/08/2013 21:13

Christ don't do it. Pay down the mortgage and take kids to Disney land

Don't spend £££ on one day. You've hit the nail on the head - your expectations will be huge and you run the risk of disappointment.

hermioneweasley · 02/08/2013 21:14

Personally I woukdn't but if your mortgage is small, you have savings for your DCs and you have 3-6 months' income saved otherwise, then go for it. If you don't have those things (and really good life insurance with 4 DCs) then I wouldn't think it was a very financially responsible thing to do.

TeenAndTween · 02/08/2013 21:14

Well, tbh it seems a lot to me. Especially if it is all or almost all your savings. Would it not be better to have a less extravagant day, and start married life with a good safety net?

The bit you need to remember is you are making a big commitment to each other. Everything else is just a party.

Maybe work out what the really important bits are, and spend on them, and then try not to spend too much on other areas?

Forgetfulmog · 02/08/2013 21:15

How much is it?

Nosy me Grin

wibblyjelly · 02/08/2013 21:15

Personally, I wouldn't use that type of money on a wedding, but would put it towards the marriage (ie putting it towards your mortgage). One day vs making the rest of your lives together financially easier)

HystericalParoxysm · 02/08/2013 21:16

Mortgage over wedding, definitely. If you have no mortgage, well, go for it!

thenightsky · 02/08/2013 21:16

It's easy to get it all out of proportion. The wedding industry feeds on it.

I got married 30 years ago for under grand. Our memories are just as good as someone who spent 20x that.

Have a serious think OP. Are you doing it for you or to impress your family and friends. If you have 4 dc already then you and your OH are tight together without any fancy stuff.

Think who you're spend for.

defineme · 02/08/2013 21:17

Oh no -4 dc and you're spending that on a wedding?
I took my vows very seriously, but I also take saving for kids' futures/emergencies/education/etc etc very seriously. I assume you already have that covered?
Rein it in-simple is classy.
I wanted to tell the world how much I loved and was committed to dh, but a simple ceremony, nice food and fun party can do that.

Back2Two · 02/08/2013 21:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

Vivacia · 02/08/2013 21:17

How are you spending so much?

Original poster
Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 21:19

We have good life insurance, a 50% mortgage, and some money saved for DC (about £15k). We don't have any other savings however, this will use them all up.

We do have large families and we would want them all to the there so inevitably it will be a 'big' wedding in terms of size. And lots of guests certainly pushes the cost up.

OP posts:
Forgetfulmog · 02/08/2013 21:20

How much is it? I'm on my phone & can't see the full title

TimothyClaypoleLover · 02/08/2013 21:21

Depends what your annual salary is but IMO the more money spent on a wedding the more worry and stress. Entirely up to you but if you are already worrying about it to the extent you can't sleep you are probably spending too much. The more money spent on a wedding the more pressure there is for everything to be perfect and the more stressed out you are in the lead up the less chance you will actually enjoy the day.

You don't have to spend a fortune to have the best wedding ever. Too many people get caught up in all the crap that comes with weddings but at the end of the day is just about you and your partner and nothing else matters.

Unexpected · 02/08/2013 21:21

Sounds like madness to me! No matter what your salary, spending 6 months of it on one day cannot be sensible. If you earn £40,000 that means spending £20,000, if you earn £10,00 that means spending £5,000. No matter how much or little you earn, half is just too much!

if you can't sleep for worry of the whole thing, the day is NEVER going to match up to your expectations.

MrsHelsBels74 · 02/08/2013 21:21

We spent a lot on our wedding 4 years ago & we're still paying it off. It was a lovely day but to be honest with hindsight I wouldn't do it like that again.

LieweHeksie · 02/08/2013 21:22

Sorry. Phone ate my post.

I think that is an insane amount of money.

WorraLiberty · 02/08/2013 21:23

You live together, you've got 4 DC and a mortgage.

What is the point in having a huge, expensive celebration this late in the day?

Why not just have a small registry office do, a family party and then spend a bit on a nice honeymoon?

OutragedFromLeeds · 02/08/2013 21:24

I think you're completely insane, but not unreasonable. If you can afford it and that's what you want to spend your money on then you're perfectly reasonable to do so.

What would happen if one of you were made redundant 2 weeks after the wedding?

Viviennemary · 02/08/2013 21:24

It's too much if you have four DC's and other things to pay for. In fact it sounds mad. If a young couple want to do this it's fair enough. But not in your position. But that's only my opinion. In the end do what you think is best. But don't spend the money and then next year think what a waste that was.

dreamofwhitehorses · 02/08/2013 21:25

Awful idea. This is only my opinion mind you, and I'm sure plenty of people will contradict me. If you are in love and happy together you will have a wonderful day. Do you actually believe spending thousands and thousands will magically make it even better. Do you believe your partner will be looking at you walking down the aisle thinking you should have bought a more expensive dress, for example. Don't fall for the idea that it's your wedding so it has to be 'perfect'. Life isn't perfect and marriage certainly isn't. It should be romantic, fun, loving, happy and none of these things actually cost a penny.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 02/08/2013 21:25

£15k saved up for 4 kids will not go far, particularly if they all want to go to uni. In your situation I think I would rather have a smaller wedding and use the money for the kids futures.

Just because you both have huge families, doesn't mean all the family has to be invited.

Original poster
Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 21:26

I'm doing it because, OH wants it, to not disappoint our families who will all want to be present, to have a bloody good party, to have gorgous wedding photos to put up (I know the last one's not the best reason in the world)

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