To spend a bit less than half our annual salary on our wedding? Any regrets if you have done the same?

[Buttonholes]

We have this money in savings but are we spending too much? I keep thinking about the other things this money coud go towards. We are paying for our own wedding by the way, no help from parents.

OH is fine with it. I can't sleep from worry though :(

It's not only about the money but also managing expectations. If we spend all this money and it's not absolutely bloody wonderful I will feel gutted.

buttonholes I get the impression your wedding is not about marrying the man you love and the children you share, but about one day and how it appears to others. Cut back as much as you can, your guests won't notice or care - have never heard guests saying " ooh what a crap wedding, they had cheap cava and we had to buy our own drinks". This is about your commitment to each other, not to your mates getting a free bar. I hope you have a great day but your concerns show that you know something seems wrong ...

Sorry not read all pages but no cake

really

No cake??!!

seriously

When I said champagne I didn't mean the real thing obviously. I've never had that at a wedding, always cava or similar.

Well we're now down to a third of our salary not half which I feel a lot better about.

The sheer amount of money we were spending on drinks alone was scary.

We have paid a deposit to an expensive photographer but he's really good and I do want good photos. I am an amateur photographer so it's something that will bug me.

Think you mumsnet advisors! I might get a better nights' sleep tonight.

A third, especially as you aren't going into debt, sounds better.

The cake decision is less about cost (though that is a nice by product) and more because I don't really see the point of a wedding cake. There are no candles to be blown out! I would feel silly holding the knife together and cutting the first slice thing. And I don't really like cake that much either.

I didn't think people would even notice there wasn't a cake, maybe I've got that wrong.

I got my cake from M & S had to pre order it was about £100 for three tiers, don't know if they still fo this. Florist decorated it with flowers and it looked great. Yes scrap late food if you are not having seperate and additional evening guests. Def not bubbly except perhaps for tol table if you fancy it. No free bar, have just been to a big wedding where people were absolutely taking the piss and ordering shot after shot, it was embarrassing. You can order extra wine or keep your own tab at the bar and instruct friends/ rellies to order your older relatives drinks on the tab if you think it is necessary. Have a lovely day!

The cake is a big thing for some people.

Thanks greeneyed, good tips.

Def get rid of free bar, there are always guests who just take the piss with these things. To expensive and to much trouble for pissed guest problems.
We spent a small fortune on our wedding. If I did it again I would not spend that amount or invite all the family( who I see once in a blue moon) allegedly required to attend. Have a look at m and s wedding g cakes, perfectly lovely and don't cost a fortune. Enjoy your day. I'm sure your dcs will love it too.

Can you get to Calais for the drinks. Much cheaper.Majestic very good.

A lot of people prefer a good cava over champagne/the vast majority of people don't care as long as it has bubbles for toast. Bucks fizz or pimms is what we've had on arrival at recent weddings. No evening buffet or snacks if meal over at 8 and no evening only guests.
I understand the photography thing (don't you have any friends from your hobby that you could ask), but is music a passion too-what are you having exactly?
This is your day too and you need to enjoy it.

I had a free bar, it's all about the free bar.... But then I had 70 guests

We had 2 Gateaux (a black forest and a strawberry from a local baker at £40 each and had enough for 80 people) as our wedding cake and some people thought it was the highlight of the day (not sure if that means the day was shite tho!). We didn't want a big cake (altho i had a 3 tiered chocolate cake with with white choc icing from M&S at my first wedding and we served it as desert with fresh strawberries and that was also lovely) I defo think you need cake.

Buttonholes don't have champagne - it'll be the cheap stuff. The caterers are charging you about £60 a bottle for something that probably costs about £15 in a supermarket (and tastes like it). Go for a good quality cava and halve the 'bubbles' bill.

We had Prosecco which i prefer to Cava. And it was lovely.

We also had jugs of Pimms and Bloody Marys as well as Prosecco on arrival, and most people went for them instead meaning much fewer bottles were opened leaving more for the toasts. (There was so much left over in fact some people took some home - cheeky fuckers (i asked what they were doing and they said 'oh we are going to give some to our friends as presents'!) - so don't put them all out unopened like we did thinking people would just open what they wanted and leave what they didn't want)

I can't sleep from worry though

I think you answered your own question.
What does it matter what anyone else has done and how its turned out for them?

They could drink you into debt. Just think many could have 4 or 5 drinks over the evening. Others 10 or 3. Yes provide wine for the tables. No don't provide a free bar. It's the morn to pay. Does it really matter what other think

No day can ever be perfect, whatever you spend on it. As you already know, building a family has got nothing to do with having a big wedding day. There is a cynical wedding industry out there trying to take our hard earned cash. Don't be suckered by them. If it isn't too late, I would say rethink this. With a mortgage and 4 dcs I think you could do so much more with your money.

Old people like me are shocked by the escalation in what people spend on weddings and I am gaping at tidys gluezilla thread and the things people do in wedding madness. When I was young and dinosaurs roamed the earth in 1980 perms, if you had a big family they would bring the food with them, it didn't mean you spent the earth trying to treat them all to a hotel meal.

Ps you have done incredibly well to have half your annual income in savings. The peace of mind that gives you as a family is brilliant. Don't piss it all away into the pockets of a bunch of wedding sharks.

Our late buffet was largely uneaten - people just were not hungry. We had two bottles of wine on each table and everyone had a glass of bubbly. All in, including cake and honeymoon, it was pretty reasonable. Lots of guests kindly commented on how they'd enjoyed it - no one knew the cost of anything... It's not how much you spend that matters. Really, for one day, you don't need to go mad. And you certainly do not need to be losing sleep! Cut back, for goodness sake, as your current worry will taint everything if you overspend.

I would definitely notice a lack of cake!

If wedding is at 3 and dinner is at 6/7, I would serve a light buffet or canapés as soon as the reception starts, then scrap the 10pm buffet. Doesn't need to be champagne for the reception, just something fizzy for the toast. Plenty of good sparkling wines that aren't champagne. Reception could be wine, bucks fizz, Pimms and maybe a nice selectin of soft drinks for the drivers?