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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend a bit less than half our annual salary on our wedding? Any regrets if you have done the same?

203 replies

Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 21:10

We have this money in savings but are we spending too much? I keep thinking about the other things this money coud go towards. We are paying for our own wedding by the way, no help from parents.

OH is fine with it. I can't sleep from worry though :(

It's not only about the money but also managing expectations. If we spend all this money and it's not absolutely bloody wonderful I will feel gutted.

OP posts:
Original poster
Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 21:38

We're already doing it I'm afraid, the wedding is 4 weeks away.

Maybe I am just having per wedding jitters?

When we first discussed the wedding however, we planned to spend only two thirds of what we're actually spending. It has gone up a lot. I think I've been a bit silly with the menu/over influenced by the caterer's sales team.

OP posts:
SanityClause · 02/08/2013 21:39

I'm not the right person to comment, as we got married in Las Vegas - just the two of us.

I can understand having a lovely party for your families, but does it have to be the whole OK magazine deal? Would something simpler not be just as good?

I bet lots of the family you are inviting, particularly the older ones, didn't have a do like the Beckhams, and would be very happy just to see you say "I do" in a lovely dress.

Pinupgirl · 02/08/2013 21:39

You sound a bit immature op.nice photos? Pfft! You have 4 dcs-the horse has already bolted.Go to the registry office then hire local hall for buffet.Dont waste your savings on a bloody glorified party.

Thesimplethings · 02/08/2013 21:39

If you have 200 guests and each have one drink at 2 pounds that's 400 pound straight away! Your drink bill will end up thousands. Hell no! Book a professional photographer but no way would I pay for everyone to drink all day and night free.

ShellyBoobs · 02/08/2013 21:39

Both of us are earning, and it's half of our take home pay.

Thanks for the extra info, OP.

Still not sure whether I could do it, myself.

We haven't married (yet?), been together 15+ years so maybe should, but I just don't think I could stomach spending 50% of our annual income on one (admittedly fabulous, I'm sure) day.

Not much help...

vaticancameo · 02/08/2013 21:39

And music - just get a DJ who will play cheese. Honestly, that's what people like and it gets them up and dancing more than a live jazz band etc.

Pinupgirl · 02/08/2013 21:41

You already doing it so why post?-oh stealth boast.yawn.

Original poster
Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 21:41

We have 200 guests. The free bar is going to cost a fortune.

It's not too late to change that aspect - but is it terrible to have a cash bar at a wedding? I haven't minded when I've gone to other weddings with cash bars but when it comes to our wedding, I can't help feeling bad about inviting people then telling them to buy their own drinks! We would still provide wine with the meal.

OP posts:
PrettyKitty1986 · 02/08/2013 21:42

All this info but no figures...how much are you talking op?

Thesimplethings · 02/08/2013 21:42

How do you know it will be half your take home pay? Have you restricted the free bar? If not you need to.

I'm sure you will have a lovely wedding and yes it's probably the jitters, but please put a limit on the bar.

Congratulations in advance

ImperialBlether · 02/08/2013 21:43

Can you just give us an idea of how much you're spending? I find it really hard to think I'd spend that on a wedding.

I hope you do have a really lovely day.

Thesimplethings · 02/08/2013 21:44

Provide wine with meal, 1 set arrival drink, and 1 glass if bubbles for toast. That is it. Or you will end up with people ordering 20 pound a shot whiskers etc.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 02/08/2013 21:44

200 guests and a free bar is utter utter madness. Please stop the free bar now! A free bar is a nice thing to do but not for that many guests. If you are providing wine for the meal that is more than enough.

ZZZenagain · 02/08/2013 21:45

is it all booked and have the invitations gone out?

Thesimplethings · 02/08/2013 21:45

I think most people expect to buy their drinks at a wedding

Original poster
Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 21:45

We just estimated for the bar, average of 2 drinks per hour for each guest over 4 hours after dinner.

We were also going to have extra food for later in the night about 10pm. Necessary?

OP posts:
ShellyBoobs · 02/08/2013 21:45

We're already doing it I'm afraid, the wedding is 4 weeks away.

In that case I'd just knock the free bar on the head and save a fortune.

You can then enjoy a fantastic day at a much reduced cost.

I don't think many people would expect a free bar?

They certainly won't get enough enjoyment out of it to justify the massive expense to you.

If you've got a couple of hundred people and they all have a few drinks each it will cost you £thousands. Would the day be worse if people spent £10 of their own money on drinks?

They probably won't even think about it, yet it will cost you massively to provide free booze.

Terrible idea IMO.

ZZZenagain · 02/08/2013 21:47

I missed that the wedding is 4 weeks away, well if the only thing you can change cost-wise is the free bar, do that.

pianodoodle · 02/08/2013 21:47

I was 7 months pregnant when we got married so we didn't feel able to justify huge expense. I'd lose sleep as well over the amount you are talking about.

Our biggest wedding costs were our registry office fee, my dress (less than £200), flowers for me (£35 they were beautiful but simple)

We had a couple of amateur photographer friends with decent cameras so didn't pay for a professional.

I did my own make-up because I didn't want to waltz in looking like someone my DH didn't recognise! I bought a Touche Eclat and used it as foundation did a great job :)

I have a family member who owns a country pub with nice gardens for the photos and his wedding present was the buffet.

So with a mixture of good luck and keeping it simple it was less than £500 and was a perfect day!

We don't have a big family though and you do. Would it be the worst thing in the world to just say it's very close family only? People should understand. It's a huge amount of money to spend just to not disappoint people...

notanyanymore · 02/08/2013 21:48

Pinupgirls sound like you may have some issues. Best off starting your own thread or seeking professional help.
Op, there is nothing wrong with having whatever kind of wedding you wish and having dc's doesn't mean you only 'deserve' the basics because you haven't 'done it right'. Your lucky, the day is about your new little family and they all get to be there. Don't feel guilty just enjoy it, it will mean a lot to your dc's too.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 02/08/2013 21:48

10pm is far too late for extra food. If everyone has had a 3 course sit down meal around about tea time they will not really need anything at 10pm. Surely the wedding finishes not much later than that?

Thesimplethings · 02/08/2013 21:49

We had 120 guests provided wine with meal, arrival drink, and a glass of champagne for toast. Bearing in mind we had four bottles per table of six. It cost us nearly 5k just on drinks

Original poster
Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 21:49

I feel better about scrapping the free bar now. I'll talk to OH about it.

He's worried our Aunts and Uncles will be offended. I wonder if we open a tab for select older relatives to use, could tht work or am I opening a can of worms?

OP posts:
notanyanymore · 02/08/2013 21:49

Oh but do scrap the free bar if you can!

beepoff · 02/08/2013 21:50

Cut what you can now. Free bar for 200 guests is what, £5K? No-one will mind paying for a drink or two. I'm assuming you'll provide wine with meal etc.

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