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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend a bit less than half our annual salary on our wedding? Any regrets if you have done the same?

203 replies

Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 21:10

We have this money in savings but are we spending too much? I keep thinking about the other things this money coud go towards. We are paying for our own wedding by the way, no help from parents.

OH is fine with it. I can't sleep from worry though :(

It's not only about the money but also managing expectations. If we spend all this money and it's not absolutely bloody wonderful I will feel gutted.

OP posts:
ZZZenagain · 02/08/2013 22:05

ok so all you can change is the photographer, the food menu and the free bar.

BellEndTent · 02/08/2013 22:05

IMVHO the answer to the question depends entirely on what the salary is. If a low salary, you're probably being foolish as the money could be better spent elsewhere, if comfortable then why the hell not? Grin Congratulations btw.

Mimishimi · 02/08/2013 22:06

Haven't personally but do know of people who borrowed large sums (equivalent of half their combined salaries etc) and who took years and years to pay it off. Your situation is a bit different in that you already have the money saved up but since you've already had four kids together ( presumably having been together for quite a while), I'd give the big wedding a miss personally.

ZZZenagain · 02/08/2013 22:06

I think I would get a less expensive photographer and have a cake but in the end maybe if you can skip the free bar, it will be enough for you to feel at ease with the arrangements/cost.

MrsLettuce · 02/08/2013 22:08

See, much as I'm all for scrapping the extra buffet and bar, I'd say having your hair / make up / nails (and all that jazz) done (or not done) is likely to make a massive difference to your stress levels on the day and how good you feel.

microserf · 02/08/2013 22:10

Hmm. Just posting lot say we have big regrets about how much we spent on our wedding! Lovely day, but really sometimes wish had been above to persuade dh to elope to the local town hall followed by pub bash.

Original poster
Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 22:10

Late buffet is madness you are right. I have been talking to sales person from catering company today. He must be on commission!

The whole day is from 3-12pm. Dinner 6-8pm.

Can we get away with just wine for the toast/speeches? Caterer trying to sell me bubbles for this and I think it is what people usually do

OP posts:
microserf · 02/08/2013 22:11

Can you buy your own bubbles and wine? This was the only thing we saved money on by doing a Calais trip.

notanyanymore · 02/08/2013 22:11

Thanks for the clarification Timothy if you re-read my post you would see it is in answer to another poster who basically said if you already have dc you should just head to the registry office and have a sarnie Hmm
I also encouraged reducing the free bar aspect as much as poss.
Obviously if op is worried let's try and help her reign in the finances where she can. But no one should be encouraged to think they don't deserve a 'proper' wedding as they committed the cardinal sin of having children out of wedlock. And the children are also a part of this day just as much as the bride and groom and will also be benefiting from it.

MrsLettuce · 02/08/2013 22:11

A wedding must have cake, even if it's just a small and very simple one. Is very important indeed, lack of cake is guaranteed to cause much more muttering than a paid or limited bar.

violetwellies · 02/08/2013 22:13

Cheap bubbles? The same price as wine? Otherwise go & milk another cash cow. Think you need to do some hard bargaining :)

TimothyClaypoleLover · 02/08/2013 22:13

You will need bubbles for the speeches as it is the done thing but it will only be a glass each - although obviously you are looking at 200 glasses! Can you opt for cava over champagne? We did this at our wedding and no-one knew. Most people were too drunk on the free wine with the meal to notice!

MrsLettuce · 02/08/2013 22:13

No need for champagne! That's for in bed the morning after. 'Bubbly' fine, IMHO. One glass per person.

Original poster
Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 22:15

We're only 4 years into our relationship. It doesn't feel very long and we're early thirties. One set of twins and we didn't hang about!

OP posts:
Googlella · 02/08/2013 22:15

If you could find an inexpensive cake ( I think supermarkets sell plain celebration cakes), slices of cake would be a good substitute for the late night buffet.
Have a wonderful day!

Original poster
Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 22:18

We could certainly have cava for the toasts.

For after the ceremony and before the reception, we will need to give drinks and maybe food. Is it the done thing for this to be champagne too?

200 glasses of champagne is about £2000! Adds so much on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 22:20

Cake for a late night treat is a great idea! Thank you

OP posts:
TimothyClaypoleLover · 02/08/2013 22:20

Apologies notanymore, just saw pinups "yawn" post, not the previous one about going to registry office. Totally misinterpreted, my mistake.

OP, our wedding cake was from the supermarket and had 3 tiers for £40. But presume you have probably already got the cake on order so too late there.

ZZZenagain · 02/08/2013 22:20

she is not having a cake she said

ImagineJL · 02/08/2013 22:21

Definitely scrap the free bar. No-one expects a free bar, especially not at a wedding with that many guests. It's madness. People won't think you're wonderfully generous, they'll probably think you must have had a secret lottery win, and they'll drink crazy amounts to make the most of it!

I would keep thinking about what I'd do when my kids wanted to go to university (which can cost about 30k these days I believe), and they can't go because all those aunts and uncles needed to neck free booze one day years ago!

I've been to loads of weddings and never known one with a free bar. The norm is free wine with the meal and champagne for a toast, then pay at the bar after that.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 02/08/2013 22:21

Buttonholes - we had pimms for pre dinner drinks and that is a lot cheaper than champagne.

Pinupgirl · 02/08/2013 22:23

Lol at the dcs will enjoy it.Yeah for a one day party.Am sure they would appreciate the security of the savings in the future a whole lot more.I just dont get the whole big show off,look at MEEE! Weddings,especially for those who have been together donkeys years with dcs already.

ImagineJL · 02/08/2013 22:23

Summer weddings it's usually Pimms for the milling around bits. If lads don't like drinks with bits of mint and fruit in, they buy a pint at the bar. Pimms can be cheap as you can water it down a lot!

ZZZenagain · 02/08/2013 22:25

so is it looking better now - if you drop the free bar, have an inexpensive cake for 10pm, have cava forthe toasts or pimms as pre-dinner drink, wine on the tables.

Does that work out ok price-wise? Otherwise speak to the photographer and see if you can change your deal.

maja00 · 02/08/2013 22:27

Cava not champagne.
Something like Pimms or just wine for pre-dinner drinks is fine.
Definitely scrap the free bar!!
If you are eating 6-8pm, you do not need more food at 10pm - how about just some bowls of crisps/nuts etc on the tables at the reception?

Definitely get some kind of cake - small and cheap is fine. A friend of mine had 3 tiers of amazing gateaux made by a local bakery/cafe for less than £50.

Can you scale back of the flowers? They really aren't vital.

I'd look for a cheaper photographer too.