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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend a bit less than half our annual salary on our wedding? Any regrets if you have done the same?

203 replies

Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 21:10

We have this money in savings but are we spending too much? I keep thinking about the other things this money coud go towards. We are paying for our own wedding by the way, no help from parents.

OH is fine with it. I can't sleep from worry though :(

It's not only about the money but also managing expectations. If we spend all this money and it's not absolutely bloody wonderful I will feel gutted.

OP posts:
ZZZenagain · 02/08/2013 21:27

don't spend half your annual income on it. You are already worrying, if things don't go as well as you wish, you'll spend a lot of time regretting it too.

Do something nice but don't go overboard with it. These celebrations are all spiralling out of control IMO and it isn't really necessary. If you were completely comfortable with it, I wouldn't see the harm but you are not.

BrianTheMole · 02/08/2013 21:27

I wouldn't do it. Its just one day.

littlemisswise · 02/08/2013 21:27

I wouldn't do it, and I think that fact that it is keeping you awake at night means you don't really want to.

We got married almost 20years ago. We had a small wedding, didn't get into debt for it, it was a lovely day and we have happy memories of it.

My sister got married 2.5 years ago, they had 7 DC between them, aswell as 4GC. They had a big wedding, which was paid for on credit over 10years.

I, personally, do not understand why people spend so much on their weddings, you are all married the same way at the end of it.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/08/2013 21:28

It is entirely up to you, but...
No way would I spend that much on my wedding. I think it's absolutely loopy. We hosted ours in our house, cost about £200. I honestly believe no one, including us, had any less fun at ours then any other wedding we've been to. My hubby and my friends were there and that's all that matters.
We spent the money instead on a glorious kitchen extension, and every time me and my friends sit round my island, I know we made the right choice.

Thesimplethings · 02/08/2013 21:29

Personally I wouldn't. We spent 26k approx on ours. Most of it on expensive cars, flowers, marquee etc. No honeymoon. Yes we had a lovely day however some of the best weddings we have attended have been budget weddings. I much preferred those and had no idea at the time they were on a budget.

One was a lovely church ceremony mid afternoon, back to a big function room with outdoor space and children's play area. Food was buffet style but things like whole roasted salmon etc. It was great! We since found out that it was 50 pounds deposit for room. Family and friends provided the buffet and helped decorate. Brides dress was second hand etc. the whole thing was less than 500 pound.

Look into it carefully.

Polyethyl · 02/08/2013 21:29

I know someone who spent a ludicrous sum on her wedding. Just beyond all reasonableness sort of vast expenditure - and they were both police sergeants so not on massive salaries. The marriage failed after 18 months.

ShellyBoobs · 02/08/2013 21:30

Bit confused.

What do you mean, 'half our annual salary'?

Is that one of you earning? Both of you?

Is the 'half' after or before tax?

arethereanyleftatall · 02/08/2013 21:30

Oh, xppsted with you op - the one and only thing I regret is not having any proper photos of it!

PrettyKitty1986 · 02/08/2013 21:31

Half of your annual salary is a lot IMO.

Df and I are only spending on our wedding what we can comfortably save in one year. Which is a lot less than half of our annual salary.

sunshine401 · 02/08/2013 21:32

Why do the same topics on here always happen. It is strange.

Original poster
Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 21:32

It is going to be a simple wedding. We a spending alot of money on music, food and photography. And a free bar which is a massive part of the budget. Not many flowers, no cake etc.

OP posts:
MissDuke · 02/08/2013 21:33

We spent 50% of my wage on our wedding. I was only earning £10k back then though, so it was half my wage, not our combined wages. We had no children, a small mortgage and were very young.

I defo would not spend half of my current income on a wedding, now that I am earning a decent wage. I loved my wedding and wouldn't change a thing about it.

It sounds like you really don't want to spend that much - if you don't want to then don't do it!

Original poster
Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 21:33

Both of us are earning, and it's half of our take home pay.

OP posts:
violetwellies · 02/08/2013 21:33

I know a couple with several DC's in your position, they put a marquee up in his Dads garden, bought a barrel of beer (or two) and a hog roast (went in the gargage), the gusts sat on (borrowed) straw bales or hired chairs and tressle tables (from the village hall), they had a live (local) band and strung lights round the garden so folk could find the loo. It isnt a massive garden, there were laods of family and friends, it was fab.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 02/08/2013 21:33

I have been to several weddings where friends/family have taken the "official" photos and tbh they are just as good as ones taken by proper photographers. So you can still have your photos without spending a fortune.

violetwellies · 02/08/2013 21:33

loads

PrettyKitty1986 · 02/08/2013 21:35

Free bar...you want your head examined. I'm paying enough for everyone to have a nice meal and glass of bubbly for a toast. Other than that they're buying their own drinks!

Thesimplethings · 02/08/2013 21:35

No! Don't do a free bar! Provide an arrival drink and a toast that is it.

Lizzabadger · 02/08/2013 21:37

Don't do it.

ZZZenagain · 02/08/2013 21:37

Is the venue very expensive?

stuckonsmallrock · 02/08/2013 21:37

I got married in a barn & had the reception there too. My Mums friend made the top & skirt I wore (it cost £60 & half of that was on the silver trim I fell in love with). A friend DJ'ed for the price of petrol money & do you know what? It was the most magical day of my life. Friends & family were there, they are the important part. All this bollocks about matching chair covers, table decs, etc etc is irrelevant.

Save the money, put it into an account for DC's uni fund, first car, whatever. Spend it on your family, not the wedding industry. You wont regret it.

notanyanymore · 02/08/2013 21:38

I think its totally up to you. Its not wrong of you to spend your savings on you and your dp getting married just because you have children, they are part of it to. But, if your not happy with it you should reign it in to a point where you are. Nothing should blight your families big day Smile

vaticancameo · 02/08/2013 21:38

I wouldn't. We got carried away with our wedding and spent loads. It was a lovely day, but that's it - a day. In the planning stages you forget how quickly one day goes by. I have since been to some "budget" weddings which were just as gorgeous as mine, and I really wish we'd done the same.

You don't need a free bar, bloody hell! Glass of fizz when people get there, provide wine on the tables if it's a sit-down meal, but that's it!

violetwellies · 02/08/2013 21:38

Another couple, registry office then beach party - bring your own picnic rug and booze.
Others hired a fish and chip van then did strawberries and cream.
One friend blew her budget on food and bubbly for the guests and pared down everything else, her FIL paid for a celidh band in his barn.

Expensive weddings are often just that, expensive. The best ones are often very low budget.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 02/08/2013 21:38

OP, how many guests do you have? To spend half your annual salaries on a simple wedding must mean you have a fair few guests. If that is the case perhaps you should reconsider your guest list or else reconsider the food/free bar. For example, I think a free bar is good for a smallish to medium wedding but if you have 200 people going it is madness. Do you really want to blow all that money just so people can get drunk for one night?