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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend a bit less than half our annual salary on our wedding? Any regrets if you have done the same?

203 replies

Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 21:10

We have this money in savings but are we spending too much? I keep thinking about the other things this money coud go towards. We are paying for our own wedding by the way, no help from parents.

OH is fine with it. I can't sleep from worry though :(

It's not only about the money but also managing expectations. If we spend all this money and it's not absolutely bloody wonderful I will feel gutted.

OP posts:
Thesimplethings · 02/08/2013 21:51

No need for extra food at 10pm either. People won't care then. If you feel you must...being out nibbles.

SanityClause · 02/08/2013 21:51

Oh, x-posted.

Is there any way you can scale it back. Could you choose a simpler menu, or is it all agreed?

Could you reduce the variety of drinks available, at all? So offer just wine, beer and soft drinks, but no spirits?

Because DH and I didn't have proper wedding photos, a couple of years ago, my birthday present was a family photo session. We had lovely photos of the children, singly and in groups, family photos and some of DH and me together.

ZZZenagain · 02/08/2013 21:52

I don't think they'll be offended unless a free bar is standard at all your family get-togethers. Dh or your dad/brother or someone else can drop by the elderly relatives if they are all at one table with a few extra drinks and see that they are well supplied. That shouldn't be too difficult.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/08/2013 21:52

Food later on in the night is unnecessary. I ve been to several weddings where we had a full 3 course meal at 5, and then a hog roast at 10. Why, why, why? It doesn't make the night more enjoyable, just more expensive.
And, cap the bar.

SingingSilver · 02/08/2013 21:52

I've been to two weddings this summer - one in a swanky country manor house that included sit down meal and evening disco, and one in a registry office with a picnic at the park afterwards. I'm not joking, the expensive one was boring and I couldn't wait to get away, the informal one was fun and emotional. It all comes down to the people and the attitudes ultimately.

ZZZenagain · 02/08/2013 21:53

you said the music was very expensive too. Any way you could change that?

TimothyClaypoleLover · 02/08/2013 21:54

notanymore - of course OP can have whatever wedding she likes if she is happy with that but it sounds like she is having second thoughts about spending so much money so there have been suggestions about stopping the free bar to save some money (to actually save thousands). She will still have the big wedding, just not an unnecessary big wedding when the money could still be spent on the family but in other ways.

xkittyx · 02/08/2013 21:54

Definitely scrap the free bar. I disagree that food at 10 is unnecessary. I hate not being given enough to eat at weddings, and if the main meal is at 5 or 6 I'd definitely be hungry again.
Just buy the older rellies some drinks. No tabs - things could get out of hand.

Cakebaker35 · 02/08/2013 21:55

Don't do it, no need, you can ave an amazing day for not v much. Spent £5k tops on our wedding 3 yrs ago, 80 guests, an amazing day and had so many comments on how nice and relaxed it was. Spend your money on mortgage, kids, hols etc.

ZZZenagain · 02/08/2013 21:56

what kind of food is being laid on for 10pm? I think snacks would be enough

Original poster
Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 21:56

What do you all think about the late buffet food? Is this just a new fad? We'll finish dinner at 8pm.

I do think poeple will appreciate a bit of extra food later on but I'm not sure they will miss it if we don't do it.

OP posts:
pianodoodle · 02/08/2013 21:57

Argh just noticed you're already doing it anyway.

Just wasted time talking about my cheapo make-up tips then! Hey ho...

ZZZenagain · 02/08/2013 21:57

If you finish eating around 8, you don't need a whole lot more food at 10pm IMO

Cakebaker35 · 02/08/2013 21:57

Just re read and you're already doing it so no idea why you've posted then Confused

MrsLettuce · 02/08/2013 21:58

What's done is done, you just have to try to relax and enjoy it. But, DO limit the bar to two 2 drinks per person though, it's perfectly reasonable and will give you a hell of a lot of peace of mind.

ProtegeMoi · 02/08/2013 21:59

The free bar is madness!

Yes if you have 20 guests but for 200 no way, definately cancel that. Noone expects a free bar at a wedding.

The 10 o'clock food depends on what time you are eating.

We did at 2pm sit down meal, then a 7pm buffet and couldn't have ate more if I tried, if you not havig an evening buffet however then keep the 10 o'clock food, if you are then scrap that as well. It will only be wasted.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 02/08/2013 21:59

Why would you need food at 10pm if you only finish main meal at 8pm? You wouldn't have dinner at home at 7pm and then have a buffet at 10pm. If your main meal is early afternoon it might be worth considering a buffet but surely people are not going to be hungry after 2 hours. Another complete waste of money for you.

As for aunts and uncles being offended at there being no free bar, I wouldn't want them coming to my wedding if that was their primary concern.

SwedishHouseMat · 02/08/2013 22:00

If you have a free bar - it could become a challenge for some members of your family to drink it dry like my brothers at my wedding.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 02/08/2013 22:00

We went to a wedding where the evening do had wine on the tables but not a free bar. Could you do this? So there is some drink for people but the cost is limited.

Or go around and buy every guest a drink?

Or just have a "next round is on us" announcement.

Or free soft drinks but not alcohol?

I think a pay bar is fine (most weddings I've been to have one) but you can have a compromise.

MrsLettuce · 02/08/2013 22:00

x posts

Heck, you have got carried away! Late night buffet would probably be largely wasted.

ComposHat · 02/08/2013 22:01

absolute madness in my book. especially with four kids.

Original poster
Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 22:01

Scrapping free bar will save a lot. The late food isn't so expensive. It would be mini burgers or something. The menu isn't finalised,

I went to a wedding with late food and didn't feel it was necessary, I wasn't very hungry by that time. But that's just me and I would hate people to be hungry at our wedding!

OP posts:
TimothyClaypoleLover · 02/08/2013 22:03

But its 2 hours after the main meal. How can anyone be hungry? If you must put some crisps out but there is no need for burgers.

Original poster
Buttonholes · 02/08/2013 22:03

We 're doing it anyway but only thing that's final at the moment is invitations, venue and music. I will use make up tips I was thinking of doing my own too.

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 02/08/2013 22:04

Seriously, book a holiday, get married on a beach and have a party when you get home.

Spending half your annual salary on one day is insane.

Rightly or wrongly, with 4 children, many people will just see it as a formality anyway and really won't appreciate the expense you have gone to.

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