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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He hasn't text :'(

364 replies

OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 22:01

So...the OH is away on his Stag do, over the weekend. Just to give some quick background, I planned my Hen do first, I deiced due to cost, having children ..etc a weekend is an awfully long time so I'll just have a night ..alrighty then, all planned.
Few weeks ago, Oh I'm off to *** for a weekend, I was a bit miffed and I admitted I was jealous that he got to go away and I felt like I had to decline a weekend, its being paid for in his defence.

And then.....'Oh were going ***' Thats MY HEN DO! wasn't deliberate, but its for the convenience of a friend/personal circumstances.
He's gone today etc, etc on good terms was not deliberate if a bit thoughtless, till monday.
So yes, I am having 2 kids all weekend by myself and have to get to my childcare myself, with no car going down 3 flights of stairs.

And......its nearly 10pm no text, no "how are the kids" "how are you?"

Has updated fb twice though....Sad
I felt quite hurt and humilated ,
AIBU.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 01/08/2013 22:02

Erm so you arranged to go out first? Why the hell did you agree that it was hour job to sort out childcare for you to go out?

CocacolaMum · 01/08/2013 22:03

if you didn't want him to go why didn't you tell him that you didn't want him to go?

Casmama · 01/08/2013 22:07

He was an arse to book his stag on the weekend of your hen and agree that he should have organised childcare.
However, I think you are totally overreacting- cut him loose for the weekend and if you hear from him it's a bonus - his stag do is the one time you don't expect him to be in regular contact.

Crinkle77 · 01/08/2013 22:08

Can't you organise a night away yourself and leave him to it with the kids

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 22:11

Cola -Eugh, Of course I don't want to stop him from going, I'm not that selfish. I would have liked it to be at a less inconvenient time.

tbf the childcare is my DM but still its gonna be no picnic for me.

Casmama- Am I? I am facilitating his non stop 72 + weed binge by looking after his 2 children for an entire weekend alone, Is expecting the odd text too much, I mean fair enough everyone has there opinion.

OP posts:
TheCatIsUpTheDuff · 01/08/2013 22:18

I'm guessing from weed binge he's gone to Amsterdam? If DH was out of the country for a weekend I wouldn't expect to hear from him until he got back to the UK. If he was within the UK he'd usually text to say he'd got there safely. I tend to assume he's ok and having a good time unless I hear otherwise.

I do agree it was unreasonable for him to go away on a weekend when he knew you had plans and leave you to sort the childcare.

CocacolaMum · 01/08/2013 22:21

What I mean is that if it was a big deal he went (and it sounds from your post that it was) then you SHOULD have told him this before he went and not used his lack of mobile comms as an excuse to be pissed when the real crux of it is that you let him steal your weekend away by rolling over and playing nice. You should have told him No, you have the kids while I go and then you have the kids while he did. That's what I meant. Don't be a martyr

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 22:27

In my defence I was let rip at him at the time, not sure if Im made that clear in my OP, but If I didn't fair enough.

I thinks its more he's updated fb but couldn't care less about me, not even a 'I'm going on the ferry now' Sad

OP posts:
CocacolaMum · 01/08/2013 22:30

Let him tell you all about it when he gets back! Hes a bloke. His logic would tell him that updating fb means you and everyone else is contacted in 1 hit.

Have a bath, chill and enjoy the starfish position in bed tonight lol

weeblueberry · 01/08/2013 22:31

Maybe he'll assume you're reading his FB and getting his updates from there? Does he generally text you when he's on a night out?

Also they're not his kids, they belong to both of you I assume?

ageofgrandillusion · 01/08/2013 22:32

LTB

EatingAllTheCrumpets · 01/08/2013 22:33

To be honest I think you're being a little U with the texting aspect. He's on his stag do of gods sakes. He's having fun and having a laugh, isn't that what you want? He's updated via Facebook so you know he's safe, so make the most of the peace and quiet Grin

Although you're well within your rights to be pissed off at the timing of his stag and your hen.

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 22:35

Well he does usually send at least one, or two often txts to say I'm missing you etc

Maybe yu're right, I feel hurt by it though.

I nearly plunged into the moral cesspit of passive aggressive fb status Blush

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 01/08/2013 22:38

I think you should have properly addressed the inconvenience of his plans at the time. YABU to be pissed off that he hasn't texted you, IMO.

ilovesooty · 01/08/2013 22:38

Why would he be missing you on his stag do?

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 22:40

He knows, trust me he knows. when I was told about the sharing the same weekend, I barely spoke the entire night incase something vitrolic came out,

Okay fair do's, anyone think IANBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 22:42

He went out to work early and went to the ferry straight from work so from like 8am till no nothing, not even enquiring about the kids?

OP posts:
ChimeForChange · 01/08/2013 22:43

I think you are a being a bit unreasonable....he's only just gone today.

If you still have childcare I don't think it's a massive issue that you're going at the same time - but agree I'd be a bit jealous that I got 1 night and he got a weekend!

Your comment "I'm looking after HIS kids all weekend" is very unreasonable.
They're both of your kids (I assume) and yes, as a parent it is your job to look after them.

Go and have a great hen night yourself, don't worry about it....and don't text him!

ovenbun · 01/08/2013 22:43

tbh on lots of stag dos the guys take the groom's phone or supervise his use of it. My husband had to neck 3 drinks if he wanted to ring me...still did it, hilarious phonecall..let him have his fun, its all about them being free and forgetting us for a weekend :)

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 22:45

The point I was making is that I feel like live in nanny who only gets to fit in fun around being a mum, I never get to take a weekend off from it,

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 01/08/2013 22:47

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Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 22:47

Yeah but his kids? you know his 4 year old went to bed without so much as a goodnight, if we were childless it wouldn't even be an issue.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 01/08/2013 22:49

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Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 22:50

I am hurt because he has updated fb several times but not bothered to ask how his kids are, yes I do feel a bit humiliated knowing we are all out of sight and out of mind.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 01/08/2013 22:50

his four year old?

And you decided to only go for a short do yourself. Why didn't you make a joint decision at the time?

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