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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He hasn't text :'(

364 replies

OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 22:01

So...the OH is away on his Stag do, over the weekend. Just to give some quick background, I planned my Hen do first, I deiced due to cost, having children ..etc a weekend is an awfully long time so I'll just have a night ..alrighty then, all planned.
Few weeks ago, Oh I'm off to *** for a weekend, I was a bit miffed and I admitted I was jealous that he got to go away and I felt like I had to decline a weekend, its being paid for in his defence.

And then.....'Oh were going ***' Thats MY HEN DO! wasn't deliberate, but its for the convenience of a friend/personal circumstances.
He's gone today etc, etc on good terms was not deliberate if a bit thoughtless, till monday.
So yes, I am having 2 kids all weekend by myself and have to get to my childcare myself, with no car going down 3 flights of stairs.

And......its nearly 10pm no text, no "how are the kids" "how are you?"

Has updated fb twice though....Sad
I felt quite hurt and humilated ,
AIBU.

OP posts:
maddy68 · 01/08/2013 23:11

Why would he text you. He's out on his stag do with his mates?

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 23:12

Because he's made time to update fb but cba to text me a "how are you"

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 01/08/2013 23:12

Why shouldn't her dp go away?should be forgoe paid for event to appease her
What a hysterical fuss.and their both parents,not solely his kids
This just reads as sour grapes he got paid for party and op didn't

Cherriesarelovely · 01/08/2013 23:13

Yes, I do see what you mean about that. Bloody fbook!

Mia4 · 01/08/2013 23:13

OP this sounds like a bigger issue- you say money was an issue so you couldn't have a long weekend, but he could? Don't you share money? Aren't the money issues his and yours? Because it sounds less and less like you're miffed about the text-although it seems like the last nail in the coffin- and more resentful that he's able to spend money but you aren't when it's both your money?

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 23:14

I'm regretting being such a walk over, this weekend is gonna be a PITA from start to finish re: my hen do etc

Never again, lesson learned

but I worry about being 'bunny boiler' and obvs a lot of these posts have confirmed that.

OP posts:
scallopsrgreat · 01/08/2013 23:15

I think I'm reading a different thread to some people here. The OP just seems to want her DP to show the same courtesy to her that she offered/offers him. Doesn't seem unreasonable to me.

He isn't exactly being thoughtful towards her and he is certainly being selfish. I can't say I'd be enamoured with that behaviour in my partner.

Cherriesarelovely · 01/08/2013 23:15

It's a real pity it's on the same weekend as your Hen Do. That is annoying.

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 23:15

His got paid for him, he justgot lucky really I'm not that lucky, so I'm here ..

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 01/08/2013 23:15

Are you usually so on controlling in your expectation of contact
He's an adult man out with mates,getting drunk he's not obliged to txt you
No your not número uno for him at mo.not on stag do

If you're unhappy being housewife,get job,study, change stuff

AnyFucker · 01/08/2013 23:16

I get it. You just wanted a moan.

You are not painting a very optimistic picture of your impending marriage though ('cos this is going to be a marriage, yeah, not just a wedding ..?)

If you feel like the hired help now, I dread what you are going to feel like in a couple of years time.

Aren't you supposed to be in the first flush of happiness when you are about to get hitched to the one you love ? Instead, you sound jaded and ground down about your fiance

scallopsrgreat · 01/08/2013 23:17

And I agree with AF's last post too.

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 23:17

I see you're point AF, we have been together over 4 years with 2 kids though.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/08/2013 23:18

Why are you getting married, out of interest

Serious question

Cherriesarelovely · 01/08/2013 23:19

I can understand your feelings, not just being on your own with the kids but the general unfairness of it. The worst of it being that this was the weekend of your hen do and now he has gone off, not having to worry about any childcare on the same weekend when you were probably thinking he would have the kids so you could enjoy your night. Annoying!

TulipsAndWings · 01/08/2013 23:20

Actually on this one, I'm with the OP. My dh goes away with work allot and I always get a text to say he's arrived safe. He usually asks how the kids are too, if he's not seen them all day.

We text each other regularly though, so this is normal for us.

If you regularly text each other and he knows you'll be waiting then he's being unfair. If you don't text each other regularly then he won't understand you wanting him to text.

maddy68 · 01/08/2013 23:23

Facebook is different. He's on a night out probably tagging others. This isn't about you. Tbh he probably hasnt given you a second thought. I wouldn't even think of texting my husband although I do update Facebook.

You sound quite needy tbh. Is there a bigger issue here?

scottishmummy · 01/08/2013 23:23

It's not a work do,with expected social contact
He's on a stag do,you know jocular high jinks.No need to keep texting his girlfriend
I don't phone home out on a do,but there no pressure to do o

Cherriesarelovely · 01/08/2013 23:27

I actually don't think it's particularly needy to expect the odd text when you have a Dp and young family at home.

Lovecat · 01/08/2013 23:30

We didn't have whole weekends for a stag/hen back in the year dot when I got married, so I wouldn't have expected a call from DH for one night (I did get one... to ask if I'd pick him up when he missed the last tube - rock n' roll, eh?).

But as it's a whole weekend and you have children, I'd at least expect a call to say he'd arrived alright and to see how the kids were, if not me as well.

And I can understand you feel pissed off that he's got a weekend and you haven't. That's not his fault but I don't think YABU to be fed up - just not to his face.

scottishmummy · 01/08/2013 23:30

Why can an adult not go out on stag do without need to maintain call/txt
It's a bit cloying up i think is about more than A phone call

scattergun · 01/08/2013 23:31

OP, I do feel for you. This was originally your hen night and you should not have had to worry about the kids, children, hangover etc. He's not only left you for the weekend so changed the dynamic for you, but also isn't checking you're okay to be left holding the fort. I'd be annoyed too.

ImperialBlether · 01/08/2013 23:35

Scottishmummy, do you realise this is the weekend of the OP's hen night? Why should SHE not be able to go out and have fun without having to take care of the children?

PinkPanther27 · 01/08/2013 23:37

If I was off away for a weekend I'd def wanna speak to my children before I got on the ferry. You're stewing on it which is winding you up more but yes it was a bit inconsiderate to do it on your hen night.

BadPoet · 01/08/2013 23:39

I think YANBU and even if you are being a bit U then it's understandable. I'd be extremely pissed off under the same circumstances. I absolutely expect a quick text to let me know travel has gone to plan and that he's given some thought to his family. While I can see that the timing / weekend vs night out thing is down to a number of factors, it'd rankle with me too, I'm only human. Sorry you feel rubbish OP :-( hope you have a cracking night out yourself though.

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