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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He hasn't text :'(

364 replies

OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 22:01

So...the OH is away on his Stag do, over the weekend. Just to give some quick background, I planned my Hen do first, I deiced due to cost, having children ..etc a weekend is an awfully long time so I'll just have a night ..alrighty then, all planned.
Few weeks ago, Oh I'm off to *** for a weekend, I was a bit miffed and I admitted I was jealous that he got to go away and I felt like I had to decline a weekend, its being paid for in his defence.

And then.....'Oh were going ***' Thats MY HEN DO! wasn't deliberate, but its for the convenience of a friend/personal circumstances.
He's gone today etc, etc on good terms was not deliberate if a bit thoughtless, till monday.
So yes, I am having 2 kids all weekend by myself and have to get to my childcare myself, with no car going down 3 flights of stairs.

And......its nearly 10pm no text, no "how are the kids" "how are you?"

Has updated fb twice though....Sad
I felt quite hurt and humilated ,
AIBU.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 01/08/2013 22:51

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ilovesooty · 01/08/2013 22:52

Oh, I see his weekend is being paid for. In that case I really can't understand the issue.

TheSecondComing · 01/08/2013 22:53

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AnyFucker · 01/08/2013 22:54

Could you tell us why you are marrying this bloke ?

You don't seem to like him much, and he doesn't appear to make you happy.

OrangeLily · 01/08/2013 22:56

You sound quite stressed about this! You are not out of sight, out of mind at all!! He's on his STAG because he's marrying you. My DH doesn't contact me on a night out let alone his stag do. I knew he would do this though so in order to check he was alive I asked a few pals who I'm close to just to let me know he was alive at intervals.

He shouldn't have left you with the kids all weekend but only because it is your hen too and you should have the chance for fun too. However, you made the choice to have a night and he is just as free to make the choice to go away for a weekend too.

And congratulations! I hope the rest of the wedding planning goes well.

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 22:57

Well we did but that decision got changed later on.

I'm not a bunny boiler far from it, but in his shoes, knowing the inconvinience I had caused would show more coutresy tbh, knowing whilst I'm having a tequila sunrise on a boat my OH is fighting a baby and toddler to sleep , and then sitting for the rest of the night all alone, I might text that person to see how they are.
Because money is an issue and no-one is going to pay for me a weekend I have no choice but to have one night out so no nice weekend for me :'(

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 01/08/2013 22:58

When I out with mates I'm not phoning home,fretting.im out
Nor is do martyring himself,hard done to watching his own kids
Can't help but wonder,what is bugging you,is there another issue?

ilovesooty · 01/08/2013 23:00

Oh I see. You're resentful because he got a weekend paid for and you didn't.

scottishmummy · 01/08/2013 23:00

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belatedmaybe · 01/08/2013 23:01

His kids are with THEIR MOTHER he knows they are ok or you would contact him. He knows they are in the best possible hands because they are the hands he chose to bear, raise and protect his children. Surely it is a little insulting if he feels he has to check up isn't it?

The fact he hasn't text doesn't mean you and they are not in mind it just means that, on this once in a lifetime occasion, he is prioritising differently, putting himself first. For one weekend. I would hope that he would encourage you to do the same (but I accept you would probably text anyway).

With regard to your hen do, you chose. You decided one night, he didn't demand that! I am sure you now think you probably should have gone for the full weekend but that isn't his fault and doesn't mean he should curtail his fun in some kind of show of solidarity!

Yabu but I strongly suspect you know that deep down already. Best of luck with your wedding and marriage, the future begins here Smile

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 23:02

AF- I'm pissed off at this particular incident it doesn't define the relationship and I know men have the capacity to be quite thoughtless, I didn't want to appear a bunny boiler and of course I don't want to stop him going places, I'm not that selfish, although thanks for not calling me a drama queen, HM etc etc

The point I don't make choices to inconvenience others,

I think I'm leaving this thread now as I'm quite upset enough as it is an some of the posts are taking pleasure in winding up someone who is already distressed.

OP posts:
charlieandlola · 01/08/2013 23:03

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Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 23:04

You're not understand it was' a whole weekend? thats a lot of money things are tight and I'll have things to do etc, etc'

me: 'okay one night it is then'

Angry hindsight eh,

OP posts:
Mia4 · 01/08/2013 23:04

Sorry OP but you are out of shit out of mind on a stag do, not totally obviously but it's supposed to be a time away from your partner to be with all your great friends to celebrate.

It sounds like you're more cheesed off about the do itself-since it's essentially what you wanted and hoped for- and resent that while you moderated, he went for it full on.

How can he afford a weekend if you can't? If you have money issues how can he but you can't? Is it a case of 'your debts' rather then both of yours?

scottishmummy · 01/08/2013 23:04

Would you stay if everyone,said ach Hun.thats rotten hes so dissed you
How very dare you be left to watch your own kids
Hurt and humiliated

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 23:05

When did I turn down a weekend, I had no fucking choice

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 01/08/2013 23:06

"Distressed" - for heaven's sake!

Viviennemary · 01/08/2013 23:06

He's out with his friends and probably doesn't see the need to be in constant contact by text. It all sounds a bit of a silly fuss about nothing. I feel quite sorry for him actually.

bigbuttons · 01/08/2013 23:06

Blimey, and you want to get married? This doesn't bode well at all.

AnyFucker · 01/08/2013 23:06

it's not a great start to married life though is it, love ?

you are citing him as selfish, thoughtless, happy to inconvenience you, lacking in courtesy etc etc

I would think twice about marrying a man like that. Why are you marrying him if this what you think of him ?

ilovesooty · 01/08/2013 23:07

As I said: pure case of jealousy because he was lucky enough to cop a paid for weekend.

ImperialBlether · 01/08/2013 23:10

Oh for god's sake, show the OP some compassion. She's upset and quite reasonably so. Her husband to be is behaving like a spoilt brat, having 72 hours abroad for his stag do when he made her have one evening for hers. Of course she's pissed off.

OP, if he's selfish normally, it's not too late to cancel the wedding. If he's always entitled and spoilt then remember you will be married for a very, very long time.

Make sure it's what's best for you, won't you?

Cherriesarelovely · 01/08/2013 23:10

Sorry you feel low Octopus but it's not actually that terrible or unusual to be left on your own with the kids. I am on my own most of the time as DP works away/abroad sometimes for several weeks. It can get a bit boring and lonely but you only have to endure it for a couple of days. Why do you feel humiliated? Genuine question.

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 23:10

Of course I'm jealous, I would have loved a weekend away, a nice time, a relaxing time, of course I would anyone would.

Now I'm made to feel as a live in Nanny, as a SAHM i don't have the freedom to fuck off 'I'm off for a weekend cya later' Not bothering to text just compounds it.

OP posts:
Cherriesarelovely · 01/08/2013 23:10

Hope you have a great time on your Hen night btw.