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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He hasn't text :'(

364 replies

OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 22:01

So...the OH is away on his Stag do, over the weekend. Just to give some quick background, I planned my Hen do first, I deiced due to cost, having children ..etc a weekend is an awfully long time so I'll just have a night ..alrighty then, all planned.
Few weeks ago, Oh I'm off to *** for a weekend, I was a bit miffed and I admitted I was jealous that he got to go away and I felt like I had to decline a weekend, its being paid for in his defence.

And then.....'Oh were going ***' Thats MY HEN DO! wasn't deliberate, but its for the convenience of a friend/personal circumstances.
He's gone today etc, etc on good terms was not deliberate if a bit thoughtless, till monday.
So yes, I am having 2 kids all weekend by myself and have to get to my childcare myself, with no car going down 3 flights of stairs.

And......its nearly 10pm no text, no "how are the kids" "how are you?"

Has updated fb twice though....Sad
I felt quite hurt and humilated ,
AIBU.

OP posts:
Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 23:40

Thanks for the replies, some varied comments

I know for a fact I am not a bunny boiler, I never try and prevent his social life but I think the unfairness of this is upsetting more than I would normally IYKWIM?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 01/08/2013 23:44

Can't people disagree with the OP without being quite so spiteful?
It says at the top "Note: Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil."

Not seeing a lot of civility here.

And OP - I can see why you're upset. If he can FB he can text.

FloweryOwl · 01/08/2013 23:45

It's a bit unreasonable for him to go knowing you was planning to have your hen do.

But I think if there's ever a time when he probably doesn't need to get in touch, it's on his stag do. I wouldn't expect my dh to get in touch if he was out, I'd see him when he got home. I don't even take my phone on nights out with me.

It's a bit odd that you're complaining about being left with the kids and having to put them to bed single handedly, I've got a 3yo and a 6mo and my dh works all hours and looking after them alone for the most part has never bothered me.

Just book yours when he gets back! He can't complain if you do.

juliemill · 01/08/2013 23:45

I can understand how you are feeling Hmm, however you need to remind him of this when you decide to go on an overnight stay with you girlfriends perhaps for your birthday? Get a trip to a spa or something, you can get good deals price wise. Enjoy the time with the children, it will be a good bonding session for you all. When he returns great him with a big smile and say you are happy he had a good time - but don't forget he owes you.

You are not a bunny boiler, I can understand how you feel. Don't beat yourself up about it.

ImperialBlether · 01/08/2013 23:52

Julie, it's the OP's hen night this weekend. It's not a weekend for bonding with her children; she should be out having fun. She booked it first, then he booked his for the same weekend.

annielouisa · 02/08/2013 00:02

Op who organised the Hen night and Stag do? It should have been best man and chief bridesmaid and perhaps they should have co-ordinated dates. If his pals or whoever paid for his weekend away it is not really the cost that is the issue is it?

I really hope you try to have a great Hen night and do spoil it by brooding. Discuss how it made you feel calmly when you are back together and alcohol is not involved.

CoolStoryBro · 02/08/2013 00:09

Firstly, it's completely unfair that he gets to have a weekend away and you don't. So, whenever you can, you should fix that.

Secondly, men are weird on stag nights. They initiate all these strange rules like, "Don't call Your Woman", particularly for the Groom. It makes them feel like they're having a more exciting time than they actually are. What they're really doing is just getting pissed, eating kebabs and falling asleep. But they hate for us to think of it as that simple.

Thirdly, you love and trust him, presumably, seeing as you're getting married? So, let him enjoy his weekend and, when he gets back, hand over the babies and say, "Bye babe! I'm off for a run/see a movie/meet a friend/stare at a wall for 3 hours as I'm so knackered".

CoolStoryBro · 02/08/2013 00:10

Wait, I've misread. THIS weekend is your hen do and you booked it first?!!

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 02/08/2013 00:18

yup, I planned it, moh hasn't done much another thread lol,

I bet if I told him all this he's be shocked but then again when he first told me we had a row as I couldn't hide my miffed-ness.

I put my kids by myself all he time ffs im a sahm! but I shouldn't be here doing all the donkey work for once in a few fucking years this is my hen weekend.

OP posts:
Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 02/08/2013 00:19

Well said Nanny,

OP posts:
GoshAnneGorilla · 02/08/2013 00:25

  1. I do not get all this stag/hen trip over egging the wedding industrial complex pudding bollocks at all. It's a massive distraction from what marriage is actually about and the ballyhoo seems to cause far more upset then it's worth.

  2. You are obviously still seething over not getting a hen weekend (although see point 1). Is him getting what he wants when you don't a common occurrence? Or is it just this one occasion. If it's the latter, you need to get yourself to the grip shop, if it's the former, then you have far bigger problems then text messages.

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 02/08/2013 06:29

up with ds2,

Still no msg, pfft nearly been 24 bloody hours since he left home, you think he might have by now.

OP posts:
thebody · 02/08/2013 06:51

I think your both unreasonable to have stag and hen dos.

they are supposed to be the last night before the responsibility if marriage and kids.

you have the kids and do the responsibility so why bother?

personally I would have saved the cost, got married and all of you go away for a holiday together.

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 02/08/2013 06:55

alrighty then,

coz it's a night out? as you can imagine, nights out are even more precious now.

but your entitled to your own opinion.

OP posts:
Jollyb · 02/08/2013 06:57

I don't think it's too much to expect a quick text - even on a stag do

margarethamilton · 02/08/2013 06:58

But if he sends a message today, you'll still be pissed off with him I suspect so it's not about that. And you're in danger of letting this spoil your own hen night.

This man seems to make you very unhappy and tense. Why are you planning to spend the rest of your life with him? Marriage is about so much more.

thebody · 02/08/2013 06:58

but as he is out yes he should text you.

pumpkinsweetie · 02/08/2013 07:01

Yanbu, if he has the time to update fb, he clearly has a few minutes to text you as afterall you are stuck with the children whilst he is having fun!
I would be peeved to if twas me!

TobyLerone · 02/08/2013 07:02

You don't sound as though you particularly like him or being a SAHM.

pumpkinsweetie · 02/08/2013 07:03

And i agree somewhat with thebody
Why the stag & hen weekends? I find a whole weekend for a stag do when he has kids is very self indulgent tbh.

TobyLerone · 02/08/2013 07:04

I really hate this "stuck with the children" attitude, too. It's bloody horrible to see the way people will cheerfully treat their children as a terrible burden because they have to look after them by themselves for a weekend.

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 02/08/2013 07:06

I usually get a text when he is out on a night out, even when I don't particularly expect it.

usually he's fine.

Hmmm I think if I got a text today I would have an inner 'hmm remembered I'm alive moment, as much as I would enjoy a PA TEXT I don't wanna ruin his weekend,
No more fb updates though.

OP posts:
phantomhairpuller · 02/08/2013 07:12

Wow, talk about kick a woman when she's down. Scottishmummy's posts are particularly unhelpful Hmm

FWIW OP, I'd be pretty pissed off if I was in your shoes.

thebody · 02/08/2013 07:13

pumpkin, yes and I can't actually imagine anything more boring than a weekend with 'the girls'.

much rather me dh and kids went away together.

Eyesunderarock · 02/08/2013 07:18

Think of all the reasons you are marrying him.
Are they enough to gt through the next 20 years with him as your partner?
Because you do sound like a person who bears a grudge.

'He knows, trust me he knows. when I was told about the sharing the same weekend, I barely spoke the entire night in case something vitrolic came out'

Do you not talk to each other, face to face, to sort out problems and disagreements? The way that you talk about the children also made me wonder if you were their bio mother, or if you'd been dumped with his children that were not yours. You sound very unhappy about more than this weekend.