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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about my Boyfriends birthday & his mum

202 replies

crazyhamsterdisguisedasahippo · 07/07/2013 22:48

First AIBU but I really need to know if I am .

Its my Bfs birthday on Tuesday , he has just told me he is going for a meal with his mum & family Tuesday evening so will be busy from 4 - 8 .
I have not been invited despite us been together for 3 years (we don't live together) .
He is working Tuesday morning until 1pm & i have appointments Tuesday from 1-4 (several appointments) .
He says it is not fair that i can't see him on his birthday & expects me to palm my Ds off on my Dm on a school night so i can take him out Hmm I have told him i won't do this as Ds comes first & i told him to ask his mum to make it later or for the day after & he can't as she will be upset (huge case of pfb) .
I thought i was his family but apparently not Confused as he does everything his mum says even if it means cancelling our plans Angry

Am I been unreasonable to think that after 3 years he would see me as his family as well as his mum & sometimes put our relationship first or should I just suck it up

OP posts:
ParadiseChick · 07/07/2013 22:56

Yanbu, at all. Have you meet his family?

Tommy · 07/07/2013 22:59

and this man is how old exactly?????
Confused
Hmm

maddy68 · 07/07/2013 22:59

wouldnt you have to get a babysitter if you were going out with his mum too?
You are busy all afternoon when he is seeing them
why cant you see him afterwards?
yes I do think you shoudl be invited with his mum but if they are going for an early meal you wont be back from your appointments so it was probably assumed you would be unavailable?

SavoyCabbage · 07/07/2013 22:59

He's going out for his birthday and you are not invited! I can't get my head around that. And 4-8 so you could have easily brought your ds.

It sounds like he doesn't give a shit about you really. He should want you there.

Original poster
crazyhamsterdisguisedasahippo · 07/07/2013 22:59

Yeah I have met them , he & his mum are oddly close, Still have cuddles on the sofa Hmm

OP posts:
mummymeister · 07/07/2013 23:00

have you not thought before that it is odd that someone you have been with for 3 years wont include you on family type events? tbh I would really start to question why we are still together. is it a convenient relationship. do you love him?

SavoyCabbage · 07/07/2013 23:03

I don't think it's about how close he is to his mum so much as it is about how he would rather you weren't there.

Original poster
crazyhamsterdisguisedasahippo · 07/07/2013 23:03

Tommy 30 on Tuesday

maddy no I wouldn't as id be able to take my Ds with it been early & I will be done with my appointments at 3.30 which he new well before these plans appeared , he has to be at his mums for 4 & they are going for the meal at 5 so I could easily of made it

OP posts:
Numberlock · 07/07/2013 23:03

Dump him and find a man not a mouse.

WandaDoff · 07/07/2013 23:04

LTB.

Seriously, this one is still firmly tied up in his Mums apron strings.

Go & find yourself a nice grownup to be with.

littleginger · 07/07/2013 23:05

Yanbu! Dont know what to advise however because he seems totally oblivious to the oddness of tge situation by sulking because you wont go to extremes to see him at an unsuitable time.

Tbh i think any grown man who still needs loads of fuss on his birthday is ridiculous. Grow up (literally)

Original poster
crazyhamsterdisguisedasahippo · 07/07/2013 23:06

Savoy yeah I have thought about it but tbh im not that bothered about weekends away with is mum in a caravan .
Its just its his birthday & I thought he would want to spend it with me , I think i do

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Ragwort · 07/07/2013 23:07

Still have cuddles on the sofa - what, a 30 year old man cuddling his mum on the sofa? for goodness sake, what on earth are you doing with this child. Ditch him now, he sounds utterly pathetic and is clearly never going to stand on his own two feet. Have some dignity, you are worth so much more.

Original poster
crazyhamsterdisguisedasahippo · 07/07/2013 23:08

Im seriously considering it , but he is all I have in this damn town , no friends or anything

OP posts:
Original poster
crazyhamsterdisguisedasahippo · 07/07/2013 23:09

I meant mummy not savoy

OP posts:
Original poster
crazyhamsterdisguisedasahippo · 07/07/2013 23:11

Ragwort Yup still has cuddles with his mum , though I thought it was just me that found it odd , I guess not

OP posts:
maddy68 · 07/07/2013 23:11

but perhaps thats it - they dont want a child there - nothing to do with your personally - they just want a child free evening?

the cuddles thing we find odd because we are British - in nearly every other culture people show their affection lol

ThreeEyedRaven · 07/07/2013 23:12

I bet if you LTB you'd soon find a new and improved social situation. He sounds ridiculously childish.

clam · 07/07/2013 23:14

You're complaining he's not putting you first, when you've just said that you put your ds first.

bellablot · 07/07/2013 23:16

If your staying with him because he's 'all you have' Then you need to grow a pair, dump the fanny ( cuddles with him mum on the sofa - seriously weird!!!) and find yourself some friends and a bf whose head isn't up his mothers hole! Sorry if this seems harsh but I don't understand why anyone should put up with this crap!

mynameisslimshady · 07/07/2013 23:16

Why is a 30yo cuddling his mum weird? What will you do when your ds is 30? Push him away if he goes for a hug?

After 3 years together he should be inviting you to a family meal though, in your shoes I would take it as an indication of where I come in his life and think about if I want to be in a relationship like that for the next 3 years.

Tommy · 07/07/2013 23:17

thanks - I guess that was a rhetorical question.....
He is an adult - he can choose how to spend his birthday. If he'd rather spend it with his mum than you then you have to take that how you think best
Hmm

soontobeburns · 07/07/2013 23:19

I could of wrote your post my fiance is the same with his parents and I can get very annoyed and jealous but im the same with my mum.

I can't believe some posters are saying LTB over this one little thing. Confused

imademarion · 07/07/2013 23:21

I have told him i won't do this as Ds comes first

Isn't that exactly what his mum has done though?

Can't you just celebrate another day?

Give you time to find and wrap a nice big pair of scissors for him to cut the apron strings.

Original poster
crazyhamsterdisguisedasahippo · 07/07/2013 23:23

Clam Of course I put my Ds first don't most parents Confused which is why I won't go out clubbing dure in the week .
Also if you read my post properly it says that I thought by now he would see me as family so I would of been invited to his family meal for his birthday instead of been an after thought .

Maddy Their are other children going (neices,nephews etc) & they have no problem with my Ds , also they are English very english

Three I don't have the confidence to meet anybody else

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