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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think parents' wills should leave equal shares to siblings

198 replies

thegreedysister · 21/06/2013 08:27

Is there ever a situation when this shouldn't happen?

I can understand special clauses for siblings with special needs/disabilities but if all things are equal in this area is there ever a good reason to not split things equally?

OP posts:
DragonMamma · 21/06/2013 08:36

YABU

Nobody's entitled to be left anything and if they are then it's up to the person who's written the will to decide on who gets what (if anything).

I know a lot of people who's parents have said one sibling will get less upon death because they've had more financial help whilst they are around.

yabyum · 21/06/2013 08:37

YABU!

Some people - many people - treat their elderly parents like shit and don't deserve a penny.

javotte · 21/06/2013 08:38

My aunt has been caring for my grandparents for years. When my grandfather dies she will get a bigger share of the estate. I find it normal.

desperateforaholiday · 21/06/2013 08:38

Yabu, in an ideal world yes it should be split equally but there may be circumstances that favour one over the other. My aunt got most of my nan's money (not that there was a lot) but she had cared for her for the last twenty years and gave up a lot. My dad and uncle both got a set amount, none of us thought that it was unfair.

DeepRedBetty · 21/06/2013 08:40

No. I agree with you. However it is entirely the business of the testator, and if he wants to leave most of it to The Special Child and the rest to a cat's home, he can.

My grandparents on my father's side skipped their own children and split it equally amongst their grandchildren, so some families did do better than others iyswim - there were five of us, but my uncles had only three children between them. This helped with university fees and deposits on houses etc. Everyone saw this as fair as they'd discussed it, explaining they'd helped their sons in their lifetimes and wanted to help their grandchildren in the same way.

On my mother's side there was a farm as the main asset, and relations between my grandmother, the widow, her two younger children, on the one side, and the eldest son and main heir on the other, broke down completely. There had been a verbal 'I know you'll look after your mother lad' on his deathbed, which my elder uncle epicly failed to do.

bettycocker · 21/06/2013 08:41

YAB a bit U.

I know someone who is paying her mum's mortgage. She will inheret a larger share of the estate then her siblings.

thegreylady · 21/06/2013 08:43

My dsd has completely cut herself off from us for 7 years if I die first she will get an equal share with her two brothers and my two dc. If dh dies first I will change the will so her share is in trust for her ds. I can't forgive the pain she has caused dh though he can.

TheSecondComing · 21/06/2013 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
thegreedysister · 21/06/2013 08:45

Ok so if I am being unreasonable and am one of the less favoured siblings, would I be unreasonable to feel rejected about it?

OP posts:
Dackyduddles · 21/06/2013 08:46

Depends. I know siblings where ones in Oz and one in uk. Uk one going to get more as putting up/assisting with all help etc in old age and possible illnesses. that seems fair no?

Pagwatch · 21/06/2013 08:46

I have many siblings several of whom have very little money.
I asked my parents nearly 20 years ago to write me out of the financial portion of their wills as I didn't need anything and any bequest would have not made the difference to me that it would to some of them.

So I think it depends tbh.

Original poster
thegreedysister · 21/06/2013 08:46

Or should I pretend that all is just rosy?

OP posts:
Dackyduddles · 21/06/2013 08:47

Greedy, yes depending on why your getting less. If its whim then no but wouldn't advise saying anything. If its for reason that you can't change/help with then that's different...

IShallCallYouSquishy · 21/06/2013 08:47

YABU

Families can be very complicated. My mum has a half brother (same dad) however I know he would have never wanted him to get a penny due to various reasons.

Sadly a "missing" will meant that he got an equal share. I know my grandfather would be livid if he knew.

Dackyduddles · 21/06/2013 08:48

Without info unsure we can help more than carry on as normal it's not your money or the other siblings at present.

Original poster
thegreedysister · 21/06/2013 08:48

I don't have a problem with it being decided at the 'end' of our lives when one sibling may have done more to deserve more.

This has been decided at the 'beginning' of the siblings lives (20s-30s) and parents (50s and in good health).

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 21/06/2013 08:50

Tbh I think you are talking about wills and financial matters when you are actually questioning a family dynamic.

There will be a backstory which will determine if you are unreasonable or not.

yabyum · 21/06/2013 08:52

So this is about your parents, OP?

The type of people who talk about what they're leaving to whom while they're still in their 50s are the type of people who will chop and change their wills umpteen times as family dynamics change in an effort to get and keep control over their children's actions.

Ignore their silly games and PLEASE don't dwell on this - don't let bitterness develop. This type of thing destroys families.

itsblackoveryonderhill · 21/06/2013 08:53

YABU, my parents are not leaving equal inheritance to me and my Dsis. Neither of us is getting any money, but it is getting divided equally between their grandchildren, although my Dsis has 2 and I only have 1 child, so essentially my Dsis's family will get 2/3rds and we'll get 1/3rd.

My parents have the right to do with their money what they see fit.

They don't have much anyway and i just keep on telling them to spend it on themselves, they could piss it up the wall for all I care.

xylem8 · 21/06/2013 08:55

No if one sibling was very comfortable and really the money would make no difference to them and another was really really struggling then I would leave more to them.

Original poster
thegreedysister · 21/06/2013 08:56

There isn't actually a back story really. It is just that the oldest sibling has been given more than half of the estate, and the other siblings an equal share of the remainder. Copies of the Will casually posted out letting us know the change.

I thought we were a fairly close family, no big issues, we do live fair distances away from each other, but when we do get together at least once or twice a year we get on well. The favoured sibling is living in the 'family' home so it feels a little like squatters rights.

OP posts:
itsblackoveryonderhill · 21/06/2013 08:57

I've read further down now and isee you're the less favoured. I'm the less favoured as it were and my parents don't even speak to my sister, so I do know where you are coming from.

I just feel as though it is their money to with what they want.

Original poster
thegreedysister · 21/06/2013 08:59

yabyum yes Im trying to ignore it, but it does seem out of character, they have always been fair while we were growing up.

I am genuinely hoping I die before them so I don't need to deal with this mess.

OP posts:
Original poster
thegreedysister · 21/06/2013 09:01

I had a trip planned to visit in August and Im seriously thinking about coming up with a reason not to go.

OP posts:
TarkaTheOtter · 21/06/2013 09:02

I always thought my dm would leave everything to my brother as (given our relative financial circumstances) he needs it more than me.
Now she has decided to leave everything to her grandchildren of which I have 2 and my brother 0.

Whatever she does its her money, her choice and I wouldn't be bitter about it. She is mid 50s too and tbh I doubt she will have a lot left to leave given care fees/retirement. I'd rather she spent it on herself.