To think parents' wills should leave equal shares to siblings

[thegreedysister]

Is there ever a situation when this shouldn't happen?

I can understand special clauses for siblings with special needs/disabilities but if all things are equal in this area is there ever a good reason to not split things equally?

[StuntGirl]

It's hard isn't it? My grandad left half his will to be split between my uncle, cousin and two children, and the other half to go to my dad. Absolutely nothing for my sibling and I. It was a little heart wrenching to feel as if we were not considered, especially since my uncle and cousin have spent their life being awful to my grandparents while we were there for them, but if I thought about it too much I'd drive myself to distraction. I just ignore it and let everyone else cluck about over the probate and house sales etc.

[thebody]

It seems to me your parents just want your sibling to have a roof over their head.

Still I can see your point and as your parents have posted you all copies of the will( wierd) then they are surely inviting questions. So ask them.

[thegreedysister]

No it just an ordinary house, not a farm or anything huge.

It is nicer than anything I have lived in since leaving home and I probably wont live in such a nice house again. Housing prices have gone up a lot since they bought it.

[AThingInYourLife]

I'm not surprised you're hurt.

Your parents can do as they please in their will, but you can do as you please on the basis of the information posted out to you.

[thegreedysister]

I cant discuss this with them mumgran as I would feel too greedy, like all I care about is the money, but it is not just about the money.

[StuntGirl]

What AThing said!

[thegreedysister]

Hopefully I can forget about this before I visit them.

And I hope nothing happens to them on their holidays and that they live long lifetimes and I die before them, as I don't have the strength to face it :(

Thank you for your opinions

[StuntGirl]

I'm right with you on that sister. I have never once raised a discussion on my grandfather's will, as my dad is very quick to accuse people of only being after money, and quite frankly the decision was clearly made 10 or so years ago and is done and dusted.

However, if yours don't have that kind of history then I think the suggestion upthread of querying "What's with sending copies of the will all about?" is ok. I would certainly question getting that out if the blue!

[ENormaSnob]

What athing said.

[PGTip]

I am one of 4 we have 5 Children between us, my DM is leaving her estate to us, her 4 children, it's not her job to provide for her grandchildren it's ours as their parents. My sibling that still lives in the family house will receive the same share as the rest of us.

[StuntGirl]

Xpost, I'm not with you on you dying early!

You seem to be putting a lot of negative focus on this. I think talking to them would benefit you. It sounds like you've internalised a lot of this, have you seen this as them saying your sister is the favourite or you're worth less? Because that's not the case, they've just gone about this in a daft way without explaining their reasonings to you. A discussion will probably clear the air!

[Startail]

DSIS lives with my parents, she works, she pays house keeping, she picks up all the caring for elderly parents.

The house is hers, it's her home. Only after that do we think about shares.

[thebody]

Greedy, you sound very depressed about this if you hope you die sooner than them.

I think you need to talk to someone.

[CloudsAndTrees]

Your parents can do as they please in their will, but you can do as you please on the basis of the information posted out to you.

Yes, you can of course. But it would be a shame to make a decision based on information when you only have a small amount of available information.

The parents may well have understandable reasons for the decision they made.

There is no reason why it should come across as money grabbing if you talk to your parents about this. You can tell them you don't care about the money and that you just want to understand their reasoning so that you can support their decision properly. It would only come across as mony grabbing if you don't accept their reasoning and you try to change their minds.

[cozietoesie]

Leaving aside the issue of family farms (because I haven't had enough coffee yet to mull that one over) I can say, from some experience of being both a legatee and an executor, that the only thing that stops arguments and bad blood is a straight and equal division between immediate family.

People just don't come to blows over that. (And they do over other sorts of testaments.) It's transparent.

[cozietoesie]

All this does make you feel that leaving everything to the cat home is an attractive idea, though.

[thegreedysister]

cozie I think I would have actually preferred it if they had left everything to the cat home.

And yes this has really upset me and I am very depressed about it, feel like Iv been hit by a truck.

[larrygrylls]

I think it is a difficult one. The most important thing is that parents should be fair, whatever their own criteria of fairness consist of. Most importantly, they should explain their wills to their children before they die so no one feels that they have been discriminated against.

On the other hand, I think an adult offspring's obligation is to accept what their parents have decided and not to pressure parents to change their wills. They have already brought their children up, anything else should be seen as an added bonus.

[thegreedysister]

And my family do have experience of having everything left to the cat home.

My dh grandmother left her very large estate to charity. Everyone knew where they stood.

[CloudsAndTrees]

Can you think of any possible reasons why they might have done this?

Would one sibling be homeless if they died tomorrow?

[thegreedysister]

cloudandtrees if they dies tomorrow the favoured sibling would probably have to find somewhere else to live, yes. The other siblings would want to sell up as they would want the money.

But there is nothing stopping them from renting their own place like the rest of use. They are not disabled etc.

[cozietoesie]

Wills are rather like poo sticks - you fling them into the river and where the people sticks will end up is anyone's guess. It's a lost cause if you try to anticipate controlling things from beyond the grave so, in my view, better just to say - 'All divided equally and make your own way'.

(I leave aside the issue of children who might have particular and pronounced special needs.)

[DontmindifIdo]

do you have email addresses for your parents? It might make it easier to keep it nutural to e-mail something like "Hi Dad, just to confirm we got the updated version of your will. Can I ask if there's a particular reason why [DB] is getting a larger share of your estate? I know it's entirely your choice, but just wondered if there's something going on I don't know about with [DB]. Hope you have a good holiday. Love [the greedysister]"

It could be that your DB has done something like pay for repairs to the house, or turned down a good job rather than move away, or something else like that. It could be that they expect him to care for them in their old age, or that they genuinely can't see that he'd be able to move out of home ever. It could be a cynical attempt to keep him in the family home.