To think parents' wills should leave equal shares to siblings

[thegreedysister]

Is there ever a situation when this shouldn't happen?

I can understand special clauses for siblings with special needs/disabilities but if all things are equal in this area is there ever a good reason to not split things equally?

Bravo not-at-all-greedysister .... A very brave and courageous decision! You cannot switch emotions on and of, so it will still play in you're head for a long time yet. But, enjoy the rewarding years ahead in the continued relationship with your parents and siblings ... Something money can't buy!
I know you will find strength from this decision, and am so glad you have averted dissolving your family over something you cannot influence. Total respect to you lady!!

Onesleep I also thought it was possibly designed to cause upset, sending the will copies out. Plus what is this big trip, climbing Everest, sailing up the Congo river or going into Syria undercover? I doubt it should be anything so risky they suddenly have to make a big deal about wills. It's probably statistically more likely they'd get knocked over going to the corner shop.

OP, I think you are best to try and put it out of your mind, whatever reason your parents have for doing this. Sometimes people just are weird. Count your blessings in other areas and all that.

Inheritance is not a given, it's a gift, and from that POV YABU if you feel it should be equally divided. Whatever your parents reasons they feel the elder sibling should have more. It is their choice and their money to give or not give to whomever they please.
I've seen several families torn apart by wills and those who are 'due' to inherit falling out with parents and siblings over. Who gets what and it's heartbreaking. Money is money...it won't hug you when you are down, support you emotionally through a crisis or help to share your triumphs. You say you get on well with your family...cherish that, and try to forget the money and what you perceive it means to be given less. It just means your parents feel this sibling needs more financially, it doesn't mean they love you less.

Yanbu. My father and step mother re-wrote their wills about a year before my father died and will leave a vastly disproportionate part of their estate to my 3 half siblings. I will never forgive either of them.

Yes say if a family member if young you may wish to allocate more to them.

In our family one member had a severe mental illness so got more of the share as his needs were greater.

But sorry to hear about your circumstances.

I had to make a will last year when diagnosed with very serious illness.

I have 2 DS and have been estranged from DS1 for many years - a situation that will not change. I had no desire whatsoever to leave anything to the eldest for very good reasons (e.g. drugs, violence towards me).

I was advised by my solicitor that I should not cut DS1 out of my will as, if I did, he could challenge the will. Solicitor also said that my son would have no difficulty finding a solicitor who would challenge my will on his behalf (due to the amount of the inheritance).

Solicitor said that children who have been excluded from wills are now winning an increasing amount of cases when they challenge the will. Solicitor also said that the excluded son could effectively erode the inheritance through the legal fees that could be payable to fight off the challenge.

So, to ensure that DS2 was able to inherit, I had to put the estate in trust for both sons, with a letter of wishes stating that the primary beneficiary of the trust was DS2 and placing a number of conditions on DS1 before the trust would consider any application from him.

So, I'm surprised to see so many people on here thinking that it's possible to cut someone out of a will because the benefactor's wishes are paramount. That was not the advice I received from a top law firm in my city.

Perhaps I need to seek another legal opinion.

Plenty that's what my lawyer family member says too - it is easy to contest and even overturn if it seems unreasonable.

In general, the problem is not the money, but what it represents. I know my grandmother preferred her sons to her daughter but she left her estate split between them equally. One was substantially richer than the others, but since that is a life choice the others made (career etc) I don't see why a parent needs to level a playing field for them. Exceptions: in extreme financial hardship (through no fault of their own), much care for parents by one sibling (meaning loss of earning/leisure for them), and special needs/disability, but even that causes ill will.

Can not get over our lovely next door neighbour who looked after his aged parents for years and gave up career advancement for them (and partly I think for own,MH reasons), and the will was split entirely equally so he had to move out of the family home he'd lived in for decades, even into another area of the city away from his friends and security (because of house prices). His siblings were secure financially with families of their own and he was all alone. So I have to think sometimes there should be exceptions.

YABU as people are free to do as they wish, but I understand the hurt. My dh was told by his dying father that on his death, dh and his sister would inherit £500k each. It had apparently been discussed with dh's stepmother (who has a son from one of her marriages) and had all been agreed. This would not leave the stepmother or her son in financial difficulty. She had already given her son a house worth approx £800k and there were substantial assets remaining which would leave her very comfortable indeed.

The night before dh's stepmother died, she presented him with a will to sign. He was considered of sound mind at the time.

The will left everything to dh's stepmother.

Such is life and dh said he had to put it behind him, otherwise it would eat away at him. There are some treasured sentimental items which belonged to dh's grandfather and father that he would dearly liked to have had, to pass on to our children. But the stepmother is keeping these too.

I mean.....the night before dh's father died!

Perhaps you should move to Belgium where parents are legally obliged to leave all assets to the children equally divided. Horrifying!

I live overseas, my DB lives in the same town as my DM. I am very close to my DM despite the distance and we talk a lot, Skype, email, FB, regular visits here or there etc.
DB who lives just round the corner hardly sees DM from one week to the next even though they live so close. There is not really any bad feeling, they get on ok but DM just feels left out of their lives and that he only sees her as a duty, Mothers Day, birthday, Xmas etc or when he wants something.
DM has left almost her entire estate to me with a small amount for him.I don't know how he will react when the time comes.

Similarly my MIL says she has left everything to my DH, cutting out her other four children. She's manipulator so I don't really believe this

YABU. IMO, its no ones (including you) business who your parents leave their money to. It's there money and their choice. You just have to accept their decision. In answer to ihr question, I don't believe that inheritance should automatically be left to all DC equally.

We will not get the same share of PIL will, as they lent us money to buy this house. We pay them back every month, but are likely to still owe when they are no longer around. They said they would rather see us enjoy the money now. It was a huge help, allowing us to stretch to. A house for long time rather than a house that'll do for now.

The other siblings don't know about the loan though.

I can't imagine what your parents hoped to achieve by posting out the details of their new will without explanation, Greedy, apart from wanting to exert control over you all.

Please don't dwell on it too much, and bear in mind that in all likelihood by the time both your parents are dead a) you and your siblings will probably be much more financially comfortable than you are now and b) much of the estate may have been spent on their care home fees.

Personally my affection/attention is not up for sale!

VestaCurry Most EU countries have laws on inheritance and blood-line children cannot be disinherited < unless they killed their parent>.
When your FIL died his wife would have got nothing in France, Spain and Greece, as spouses are not allowed to be the heirs.

In Germany, if the Will did not include all of the DC, they have a legal right to claim an " Obligatory Portion" of the estate from the named heir.
Dh's stepmother will , no doubt, leave everything to her DC, which is not what FIL wanted. < " her son from one of her marriages" >hmm]

YANBU - I would split the money equally regardless of my dc's financial situation. only in very extreme circumstances would I favour one over the other.

Me too Navada.

I might also leave more to one child if they had had to do a lot of caring for me, but otherwise I cannot imagine a circumstance when I would blatantly favour one child over the other.

The thing is as parents we can't truly give equally, but we should try to equally meet needs as they arise.
It ends up looking unfair, but it has to do with meeting needs.
My dad is one of 10 across 4 marriages and the assets were (or will be) distributed very unevenly, watching him go thru that (Dad has a great attitude about it) has taught me not to be greedy.

I can't see a situation where my parents would favour one of their children over the other. However they'll have little, if anything, to leave.

I think some people are being unrealistically sanguine on here. Of course, legally, they can do whatever they like but morally, why cut out or favour some of your children above others without a very good reason?

If this was done during childhood (e.g music lessons, designer clothes, holidays, treats for one child and subsistence for the other) then it would be called abuse.

reasonable reasons not to share equally

1. family business in which 2 siblings have worked for 20+ years 2 did not work the 2 inherit the whole business as they have also invested time, money etc in it, other assets divided equally this is known about in advance so the 2 that have worked in business are not forced to sell it or assets to buy other siblings out as their hard work as contributed to the size of the asset

1. similar situation maybe like a farm

3 a croft in scotland where it is illegal to divide a croft it can only be held in the name of one person

1. one or more siblings making financial sacrifice in to be parents carer like giving up own home, leaving work or retiring early or not accepting move/ promotion

5, a child whose has already had part of their inheritance early maybe as house deposit, education that others did not have; money to start business or whatever

6, a child that has abused their parents, or is so financially reckless so money maybe in trust so the interest is paid yearly rather than lump sum

7, a disabled child that will never be independent so will always require funds for care