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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my 10yr old to be in bed by midnight on a sleepover?

223 replies

Dotty342kids · 09/04/2013 18:17

So, last night my (only just) 10yr old son went to a friend's for a sleepover. Mum is sort of a friend of mine - I like her a lot but her parenting style.... well it's not the same as mine, let's put it that way!
Anyway, she FB'd me last night, just before 10 to say that boys had been watching footie with her. I wasn't thrilled as my DS is normally asleep by 8.30 as he can't cope with being tired at all, but I figured that football must be nearly over so they'd be going to bed shortly, and it is a sleepover after all!
Drop his trainers off there so he can play footie with friend this morning to be told by mum that she had been tired so had left them in lounge (where they were sleeping) for the end of footie and her son had told her they were going to watch Casino Royale next!!! And she thought she'd heard voices at about 1am. 1 fricking am!!!
I looked mildly aghast at her and smilingly said how shattered he'd be later today which might be an issue as he has swimming training tonight but she didn't seem even slightly bothered by this.
When I collected him at 4.00 as agreed he looked tired, unsurprisingly, and since getting home has managed to eat tea and has now retired to the sofa under a blanket - unheard of for him so he must be exhausted.
I've just messaged her to let her know this so that she's aware of the impact but I'm just so cross.
Don't know what to do in future as they're quite good mates and are bound to want to stay at each other's houses again. I'm cross that not only were they up till gone midnight, but that it was also unsupervised - they could have got up to anything downstairs whilst she was asleep! Apparently her DS suggested to mine, AFTER watching the film so it must have been gone midnight by this time, that they play FIFA on the playstation but, thank goodness, my DS said no to this.

So, AIBU to be cross about this and how on earth do I nicely get her to not allow this to happen next time there's a sleepover?

OP posts:
CajaDeLaMemoria · 09/04/2013 18:20

Erm... I have never been too or hosted a sleepover with a bedtime.

It's par for the course that kids will be tired the day after, and go to bed earlier. They stay up all night watching films and (hopefully quietly) talking.

I should think your friend us utterly baffled by your message.

Nerfmother · 09/04/2013 18:20

Yabu. Pajamaed and fed by nine, but totallly unrealistic beyond that. Sorry.

yaimee · 09/04/2013 18:20

I don't think they should have been unsupervised but I think that at a sleepover it's pretty normal to have a late bedtime!

titchy · 09/04/2013 18:20

I assume he's your eldest! Midnight for a sleepover is pretty much par for the course tbh. Even if they'd been in bed they'd have been chatting messing about for hours anyway.

Hulababy · 09/04/2013 18:21

Not ideal, but it's a sleepover. Even if sent to bed often on sleepovers the children are awake til all hours.

I tend to be quite mean and put my best teacher voice on once it gets into double figures. More so when it is friends very well known to us and I know things are happening the next day.
Some of dd's friend's parents are more lenient. If it is just a one off treat, not a regular thing, and it is in the holidays I would let ot be. I never plan much for the day after a proper sleepover!

Freddiemisagreatshag · 09/04/2013 18:21

You messaged her to let her know of the impact? Shock

Be glad they didn't pull an all night movie marathon.

Flobbadobs · 09/04/2013 18:21

In bed at a sleepover? Since when??

yaimee · 09/04/2013 18:22

You've messages her? How rude. I wouldn't worry about it happening again, I don't think you'll get another invite!

5Foot5 · 09/04/2013 18:22

I think at 10 yo it is not the end of the world to stay up until after midnight just once in a blue moon at school holidays. I would be a bit iffy about them being unsupervised though.

Ihatemytoes · 09/04/2013 18:22

Sleepovers aren't about sleeping! YABU.

LindyHemming · 09/04/2013 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kinkyfuckery · 09/04/2013 18:23

YABU.

Sleepovers are always later bedtimes. If this is a problem for you, don't let your DS have a sleepover when he has an activity planned the next day.

Fleecyslippers · 09/04/2013 18:23

This is your PFB yes ?

YABU Grin

ConfusedPixie · 09/04/2013 18:25

YABU, it's a sleepover and, despite the name, not much sleeping happens at them!

You'll have fun when your son goes on camps with school/scouts/etc later on, when I was an instructor at one I'd have to do night patrols and would have to tell the kids off at 1/2/3am constantly! They go home very tired after those and it's not because they've been busy on activities Grin

kinkyfuckery · 09/04/2013 18:25

I would be bothered about them having unsupervised TV access though.

Flobbadobs · 09/04/2013 18:25

I don't ever remember actually sleeping at a sleepover. DS went to one at his friends house last week and he reckons it was about 3 am before they slept.. He suffered the consequences the next day but that was his choice and he got an early night the following night.
YABalittleU and need to unclench before you lose him anymore invites.

yellowhousewithareddoor · 09/04/2013 18:25

I think you've been quite rude. How lovely of her to have had your son for a sleepover and you are rude back. I hope you said thankyou and apologised.

UC · 09/04/2013 18:25

YABU. And silly IMO. If I was her, and I'd got your message, I'd be annoyed. Your son is 10!!! I wouldn't be worried about them being unsupervised either. What could they "get up to" that they couldn't potentially also get up to in the friend's bedroom? If he goes to bed a bit early tonight, he'll be fine tomorrow.

LindyHemming · 09/04/2013 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

riskit4abiskit · 09/04/2013 18:26

YABU - staying up late is the POINT of sleepovers - to feel a bit grown up and rebellious while actually watching films and eating haribo!

Your son might get some stick if the kids find out that his mum complained!

You were rude to message. sorry.

UC · 09/04/2013 18:26

Talking of cubs etc. my son went on a cub sleepover and didn't sleep a wink. Not a wink. He was 8. I made him go to bed for a few hours when he got home, he was totally fine. You are over reacting. Sorry.

sherazade · 09/04/2013 18:28

I personally think that YANBU and that 1am is way too late for a ten year old to be up on a sleepover but then again I am quite strict and boring

Original poster
Dotty342kids · 09/04/2013 18:28

wow! I must be stricter than I thought I was!
When we have kids here for a sleepover I kind of expect them to have quietened down and be asleep by 11ish.... Shock
I was very friendly and of course thanked her, several times!
As for what they could have got up to... well trying to get themselves food / drink from the kitchen / watching unsuitable telly - especially at that time of night, for starters!

OP posts:
sherazade · 09/04/2013 18:29

however I think it woud be out of order to text her about the impacts- making mountains out of molehills. I just wouldn't send my child anywhere that I didn't feel totally comfortable about.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 09/04/2013 18:30

YABU - kids hardly ever sleep at a sleep over.

It supposed to be fun and chaotic, you're being a bit precious.