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AIBU?

to expect my 10yr old to be in bed by midnight on a sleepover?

223 replies

Dotty342kids · 09/04/2013 18:17

So, last night my (only just) 10yr old son went to a friend's for a sleepover. Mum is sort of a friend of mine - I like her a lot but her parenting style.... well it's not the same as mine, let's put it that way!
Anyway, she FB'd me last night, just before 10 to say that boys had been watching footie with her. I wasn't thrilled as my DS is normally asleep by 8.30 as he can't cope with being tired at all, but I figured that football must be nearly over so they'd be going to bed shortly, and it is a sleepover after all!
Drop his trainers off there so he can play footie with friend this morning to be told by mum that she had been tired so had left them in lounge (where they were sleeping) for the end of footie and her son had told her they were going to watch Casino Royale next!!! And she thought she'd heard voices at about 1am. 1 fricking am!!!
I looked mildly aghast at her and smilingly said how shattered he'd be later today which might be an issue as he has swimming training tonight but she didn't seem even slightly bothered by this.
When I collected him at 4.00 as agreed he looked tired, unsurprisingly, and since getting home has managed to eat tea and has now retired to the sofa under a blanket - unheard of for him so he must be exhausted.
I've just messaged her to let her know this so that she's aware of the impact but I'm just so cross.
Don't know what to do in future as they're quite good mates and are bound to want to stay at each other's houses again. I'm cross that not only were they up till gone midnight, but that it was also unsupervised - they could have got up to anything downstairs whilst she was asleep! Apparently her DS suggested to mine, AFTER watching the film so it must have been gone midnight by this time, that they play FIFA on the playstation but, thank goodness, my DS said no to this.

So, AIBU to be cross about this and how on earth do I nicely get her to not allow this to happen next time there's a sleepover?

OP posts:

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sherazade · 09/04/2013 18:30

dotty I would have thought 11 was quite reasonable

LouiseSmith · 09/04/2013 18:30

I think YABU, Kids stay up late at sleep overs, its a rite of passage. I agree with yaimee!

Kids will be kids, if you didn't want him to stay up late you should have either hosted the sleepover at your house, where you could keep a better eye on them or declined the invite.

CaptainSweatPants · 09/04/2013 18:30

Let us know what she replies !!

PatriciaHolm · 09/04/2013 18:30

I think my 8 year old finally got to sleep at about 11.45 on her last sleepover!

So what if he's tired today? He's had a great time, it's not affecting school, he'll bounce back tomorrow. I wouldn't be surprised if there are no more sleepover invites from that parent if you really did bother to text telling her he was tired.

Dominodonkey · 09/04/2013 18:31

YABU, precious and a bit strange tbh. The unsupervised bit might concern me if they had access to inappropriate tv etc but the odd late night doesn't hurt.

He is asleep on the sofa now? I really don't see the problem.

kinkyfuckery · 09/04/2013 18:31

When we have kids here for a sleepover I kind of expect them to have quietened down and be asleep by 11ish....

Yet you were displeased that they were still watching football at 10?

Coconutty · 09/04/2013 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MintyyAeroEgg · 09/04/2013 18:32

Yanbu ... this is one of the reasons why I hate sleepovers. Wipes the dc out for the next day. Very anti-social!

TidyDancer · 09/04/2013 18:32

I actually didn't think you were serious!

I would be surprised if they were asleep by midnight, not shocked that they weren't!

Freddiemisagreatshag · 09/04/2013 18:32

And don't worry about getting her not to allow it the next time. There won't be one. And it was really beyond the call of duty for her to keep him til 4.

BruthasTortoise · 09/04/2013 18:33

YABU none of my kids have ever been at a sleepover with a bed time and none of them have ever be kept til 4pm the next day. Normally, they are returned home at 10am, a bit grumpy, get progressively more grumpy as the day goes on, have an early night and they're fine the next day. TBH if I received a snotty text re. bedtimes I would make a mental note not to invite that kid again.

Flobbadobs · 09/04/2013 18:34

Quiet yes, I do too especially as I have little ones as well but unless they were accessing pay per view porn and raiding the drink cupboard then you really need to give up and fight a bigger battle
Let him have an early night, get him up early in the morning and he will feel no worse for it, plus he will have something to look back on with a smile when he was all rebellious and stayed up till the next day!

Dotty342kids · 09/04/2013 18:35

I actually suggested picking him up in the morning but she wanted to have him all day for her DS to be able to hang out with so went along with that.
We message on FB all the time and the small conversation about his tiredness has been completely fine

OP posts:

jellybeans · 09/04/2013 18:35

YABU. My twin 10 year olds recently went to a sleepover and were up till 5 am. They had a whale of a time. They were tired the next day but no big deal. I have hosted many a sleepover also and it is rare for them to sleep before about 3am although my teenagers seem to go to sleep earlier now they are older! Let them have a bit of fun! As long as they are doing nothing dangerous!

sparkle12mar08 · 09/04/2013 18:36

My son is younger, at 7yo, but I'd be cross at the 1am thing too tbh. I'd also be unhappy with midnight because I know what it would do to his behaviour, but I perfectly accept that it's par for the course with sleep overs and wouldn't say anything about it. But 1am? C'mon, that's just too late for children. And they are still children at 10yo.

CoffeeShoppe · 09/04/2013 18:38

Did you text her? Please say no. You'll look a complete loon!

Grumpy children are par for the course after a sleepover, you need to get used to that.

Gorjuss · 09/04/2013 18:39

I don't mind when they go to sleep as long as they aren't being noisy and I haven't got them for too long the next day.

MusicalEndorphins · 09/04/2013 18:39

YABU except for them being unsupervised. You never know what kids may do, they could have played with matches or had an accident cooking or something. She should of stayed awake.

Mumsyblouse · 09/04/2013 18:41

I don't do sleepovers for my primary school age children as I don't like them, but I did at least think you might enjoy a night off. What's the point of staying up so ridiculously late and having horrid grumpy sick feeling children the next day? is there not a happy medium between the usual 8/9pm and 1am? So glad I don't bother now.

Mrsrobertduvall · 09/04/2013 18:41

I have just got rid of dd's 2 friends aged 16 who arrived yesterday at 5pm and stayed for 24 hours. They went to sleep at 4am

but it was a one off as they know there will be no more sleepovers till after gcses.

At 10 , I would expect them to be quiet at midnight, no getting up, tv, x box.

TigOldBitties · 09/04/2013 18:42

As the other poster said, I've never been to or hosted a sleepover with a bedtime. I've never even heard of this from my dcs at anyone's house, and I have 5 so quite a few experiences to call on.

We had a sleepover last week which culminated in 12, 9 year olds out on the trampoline at 4am. They finally fell asleep at 6am and were up for food and being collected 12pm. It's only my youngest (6) who sleeps at sleepovers but she still makes it until 2 or 3am. I'd never considered imposing bedtime rules at sleepovers.

lljkk · 09/04/2013 18:44

I make mine go to bed, well sort of. 9-11pm depending on age. I make them turn off all big screens & the lights & be quiet enough that I can't hear them from outside the room. I find that sleep naturally follows.

It baffles me why every thoughtful parent doesn't do the same as me. And then they express astonishment at how little their darlings slept! But so be it. DC have survived several wake-overs. Once you know to expect it then you can plan accordingly (ie, nothing planned at all for the next day). DD was an utter hysterical basketcase after last one until I got her into bed for 3-4 hours.

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LadyBeagleEyes · 09/04/2013 18:45

YABU.

Dotty342kids · 09/04/2013 18:46

agree lljkk, it just really hadn't occurred to me that he'd be up that late. He's been on other sleepovers and stayed up till 10.30ish, supervised, so I'd assumed that would be as late as it would get at this age.
Clearly not!

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sparkle12mar08 · 09/04/2013 18:47

If I were your neighbour TigOldBitties I'd be uttterly furious with you allowing children out to play at 4 fucking AM Are you really that rude and inconsiderate? Really? I'm stunned that people think that 4AM THE NEXT DAY is appropriate for 9 and 10 yo's. It's insane! And no, I wouldn't let my child go to a sleep over at that sort of house, and yes, I'd make sure I'd asked the parent about bedtimes first.

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