to expect my 10yr old to be in bed by midnight on a sleepover?

[Dotty342kids]

So, last night my (only just) 10yr old son went to a friend's for a sleepover. Mum is sort of a friend of mine - I like her a lot but her parenting style.... well it's not the same as mine, let's put it that way!
Anyway, she FB'd me last night, just before 10 to say that boys had been watching footie with her. I wasn't thrilled as my DS is normally asleep by 8.30 as he can't cope with being tired at all, but I figured that football must be nearly over so they'd be going to bed shortly, and it is a sleepover after all!
Drop his trainers off there so he can play footie with friend this morning to be told by mum that she had been tired so had left them in lounge (where they were sleeping) for the end of footie and her son had told her they were going to watch Casino Royale next!!! And she thought she'd heard voices at about 1am. 1 fricking am!!!
I looked mildly aghast at her and smilingly said how shattered he'd be later today which might be an issue as he has swimming training tonight but she didn't seem even slightly bothered by this.
When I collected him at 4.00 as agreed he looked tired, unsurprisingly, and since getting home has managed to eat tea and has now retired to the sofa under a blanket - unheard of for him so he must be exhausted.
I've just messaged her to let her know this so that she's aware of the impact but I'm just so cross.
Don't know what to do in future as they're quite good mates and are bound to want to stay at each other's houses again. I'm cross that not only were they up till gone midnight, but that it was also unsupervised - they could have got up to anything downstairs whilst she was asleep! Apparently her DS suggested to mine, AFTER watching the film so it must have been gone midnight by this time, that they play FIFA on the playstation but, thank goodness, my DS said no to this.

So, AIBU to be cross about this and how on earth do I nicely get her to not allow this to happen next time there's a sleepover?

[Happymum22]

This is what happens at sleepovers, its annoying as you get a PITA tired child the next day.. but normal!

Try having a group of 11 year old girls at yours giggling away, playing trust or dare, eating sweets and watching films all night. Believe me it is next to impossible to get them asleep at a decent hour.
You have to learn to let go, their one night of fun is part of their childhood. Sounds like the poor mum was trying to keep your informed and trying to get a bit of mutual support/ have a little laugh about how ridiculously excited children are at sleepovers. The fb message seems like you are ungrateful for her having your son and blaming the inevitable tiredness after a sleepover on her...Yes your DS went to be early, but how was she to know you didn't want that if you hadnt told her before...

If you have strict bedtimes then let the mum know BEFORE and ask her too make they are settled down by a decent time as X has swimming the next day. Maybe picking him up at 4 was a bad plan, I used to say I'd collect in the morning so my DC had a bit of time to regain energy the next day.

If your DS' swimming club is anything like my DDs they will be pushed through the session, do their best and feel a bit frustrated they couldn't keep up for that session. But it woulnt be the end of the world- all the DC in the club have some sessions they are tired or feeling a bit unwell for.

[exoticfruits]

I think that some people forget what it was like to be a child! It was impossible to just lie down and go to sleep- you are far too excited and the brain is in overdrive.

[Hulababy]

Dd's friend is having a sleepover in July for her 11th birthday. There's going to be 11 11yo girls there. It's also their last big party before secondary where more than half are going to different schools. It's also taking place the on the friday evening of the school's whole school mystery day trip so they will already be sky high with excitement from that.

I will not be planning anything else for that entire weekend!

[shemademedoit]

I think you should invite her son over for the night and see what time you manage to get them in bed and asleep by before being so judgey....

[Dotty342kids]

shemademedoit, I have done previously, they ate dinner, played on the Wii, went up to the bedroom with portable DVD players / snacks / treats etc and were asleep by 11...

[shemademedoit]

My apologies. You are obviously the better parent. What about inviting mum and son to stay the night so you can show her how it's done?

[valiumredhead]

I'm with you OP, I hate the unsupervised/stay up all night sleepover business, drives me mad, I don't want my child up until 4.30am thank you very much

Sleepovers her mean lights out and chatting quietly not an excuse to run riot and stay up all night. I don't care if other people want to do that but if that's the case my 10 year old won't be joining in. Late is fine, all night and into the early hours is not imo.

ds has load of sleepovers, we always have a spare kid around the house, we have one right now in fact, it'll be lights out at 10 -10.30 and quiet chatting after that. Can't be that bad either as we always seem to have a steady stream of kids wanting to stay over

[lljkk]

We have also hosted about three times as many as invited to. DD has school on Monday. I simply can't have her miss an entire night's sleep on Saturday, which would doubtless keep some of rest of awake too, to boot.

[Datun]

I went through this with both my DS's. You spend a great deal of time getting them into a routine which works for them (and you) and it's all shot to bits when they have a sleepover. The first few times you think wtf? Why aren't they being looked after properly? But then you realise it's actually something of a rite of passage and, what we used to call 'staying the night', for convenience and a bit of fun, actually turns into a bit of an all-nighter with few rules. They all do it. It's fine. Just not too often.

[Datun]

I went through this with both my DS's. You spend a great deal of time getting them into a routine which works for them (and you) and it's all shot to bits when they have a sleepover. The first few times you think wtf? Why aren't they being looked after properly? But then you realise it's actually something of a rite of passage and, what we used to call 'staying the night', for convenience and a bit of fun, actually turns into a bit of an all-nighter with few rules. They all do it. It's fine. Just not too often.

[exoticfruits]

You have to see it in a child like way. I was doing something with DCs in the week when they were on a school trip. The first thing one DD said to me was 'I was so excited I couldn't sleep last night'. It is highly unlikely they will go straight to sleep.

[Dancergirl]

Wow, this has been an eye opener.

Sorry to disagree with the majority but I am with the OP on this one.

I've hosted a few sleepovers and dd has been to a few. There's NO WAY they would be awake till the small hours and it's unnecessary IMO. Dd likes her sleep and wouldn't want to be up that late anyway. They still had fun. She loved having a friend to sleep in her room, they had a nice tea together, played games, got into PJs, watched endless Harry Potter films with suitable junk food, went up at 10ish, chatted a bit and went to sleep. Similar set up when she slept over at friends house.

FGS, you can still have fun without staying up all night!

[ladymariner]

Well I think YABU, especially with the message you sent afterwards...that was rude.

I've hosted loads of sleepovers and ds has been to loads, and amazingly enough he's 17 now and hasn't turned into a drug-addled raging alcoholic because of them.....what a load of bollocks. What happens at ours is that I feed them and then they drag the x box down and commandeer the living room till stupid o clock. They have their sleeping bags and pillows down there with them and they fall asleep, some before others.

It's actually easier as they get older tbh, when they were 10/11 they were all into wrestling and the room was used as a giant wrestling ring, I'd open the door to see a mass of small sweaty bodies, all red faced and screeching. The older they get the cooler they get and now they just watch films, play games, and (god forbid, send in social services....) have a beer or two.

[Fancydrawers]

Christ, lighten up.

[danijeanne]

I’m actually with you OP. A sleepover at 15 is v different to that of a 10 ur old. I make sure everything is off by 10.30 and lights off, I say then can chat in bed. I can’t stay awake any later and I’m not just leaving them up all night, that’s not parenting, although a. Sleepover it affects them the whole week.

[dairyswim]

@danijeanne the sleepover was 7 and a half years years ago. I'm sure the boy's sleep sleep pattern has balanced out by now.

[Dorisdaydream2]

YABU. We only allow or host sleepovers during school holidays as the children are always so tired after.

[slashlover]

@danijeanne Why resurrect such an old thread?

[mumof2exhausted]

Ha ha did you never go to a sleepover at that age?? Of course you don’t sleep, that’s the whole point. Don’t worry doubt he’ll be invited again after your rude text. Total over reaction

[AdoptAdaptImprove]

The boy is now a few months from being an adult so I expect he’s f8ne,

ZOMBIE THREAD

[MayIJustAsk]

YABU OP did you never go to a sleepover as a child?

[ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords]

@danijeanne

I’m actually with you OP. A sleepover at 15 is v different to that of a 10 ur old. I make sure everything is off by 10.30 and lights off, I say then can chat in bed. I can’t stay awake any later and I’m not just leaving them up all night, that’s not parenting, although a. Sleepover it affects them the whole week.

Why the hell did you search for a thread that is over 7 years old to make this comment?
Do you get some sort of perverse pleasure out of knowing some poor sods won't have looked at the date of the OP, and will have wasted time reading the whole thread?

[eatsleepread]

YABU

[Thurmanmurman]

You couldn't be more unreasonable. Did you not have sleepovers as a child?