to expect my 10yr old to be in bed by midnight on a sleepover?

[Dotty342kids]

So, last night my (only just) 10yr old son went to a friend's for a sleepover. Mum is sort of a friend of mine - I like her a lot but her parenting style.... well it's not the same as mine, let's put it that way!
Anyway, she FB'd me last night, just before 10 to say that boys had been watching footie with her. I wasn't thrilled as my DS is normally asleep by 8.30 as he can't cope with being tired at all, but I figured that football must be nearly over so they'd be going to bed shortly, and it is a sleepover after all!
Drop his trainers off there so he can play footie with friend this morning to be told by mum that she had been tired so had left them in lounge (where they were sleeping) for the end of footie and her son had told her they were going to watch Casino Royale next!!! And she thought she'd heard voices at about 1am. 1 fricking am!!!
I looked mildly aghast at her and smilingly said how shattered he'd be later today which might be an issue as he has swimming training tonight but she didn't seem even slightly bothered by this.
When I collected him at 4.00 as agreed he looked tired, unsurprisingly, and since getting home has managed to eat tea and has now retired to the sofa under a blanket - unheard of for him so he must be exhausted.
I've just messaged her to let her know this so that she's aware of the impact but I'm just so cross.
Don't know what to do in future as they're quite good mates and are bound to want to stay at each other's houses again. I'm cross that not only were they up till gone midnight, but that it was also unsupervised - they could have got up to anything downstairs whilst she was asleep! Apparently her DS suggested to mine, AFTER watching the film so it must have been gone midnight by this time, that they play FIFA on the playstation but, thank goodness, my DS said no to this.

So, AIBU to be cross about this and how on earth do I nicely get her to not allow this to happen next time there's a sleepover?

[littlebitofthislittlebitofthat]

YABU the point of a sleep over is that 'rules' are out.....

we regularly host sleepovers here... any excuse! and I'm a CM so the mums know they are safe here.

these are 9 year old girls! I had 12 over for a birthday party once. they played dvds all night long, most of them slept, for at least an hour....

[Sparklingbrook]

I am imagining a sleepover where all the children are tucked up in bed at 8pm. Lights out.

[Dotty342kids]

Nope, not new to sleepovers, been hosting / sending mine to them for last 2-3 yrs but none have involved them sleeping anywhere other than upstairs, on same floor as parents (who would more than likely wake up if kids were wandering around v. late) and none of which have gone on later than 11pm which is why I was so surprised this time!
But obv I'm in a minority on this one and appreciate you all sharing your views and experiences with me. I'll think more carefully about how / when we let the DC's go to them (given that the consensus is that they will get NO sleep!) and also how we host them so that he's not too much the odd one out amongst his mates.

[exoticfruits]

I have always thought of them as 'wake overs' which is why I never liked them!

[Molehillmountain]

Sleepover is the incorrect term. In order to avoid parents like the op complaining afterwards, and citing trades description laws it's always best to invite children for an "over". Sleep might happen.

[HootShoot]

Mine isn't old enough for sleepovers but I do remember staying up all night when I was younger. I fell asleep in the bath after one of them and my dad had to break the door down

[likesnowflakesinanocean]

no way would a gang of ten year olds be in bed by half eight! i had 3 sleep here and they were still harrassing me at 3am! its one night yabu i think.

[wonderingagain]

YABU - most girl sleepovers go on til 3am and beyond. Even the young ones. Mind don't, I boss them to sleep at midnight but I think he did well getting down at 1am.

[exoticfruits]

I remember having them as a child-it was impossible to get to sleep.

[Bowlersarm]

OP I don't think you should worry about how you host sleepovers-all kids who go on sleepovers love them in whatever form they take even if you make them go to bed earlier than other parents would , it will still be later than their normal bedtime, and they'll all have fun getting up early etc.

But I don't think you can dictate what goes on at other people's houses.

[BackforGood]

You're certainly not in a minority of 1.
My dc have all had the odd sleepover, and all been to plenty. Amongst their friends, I only know of 1 family who let them stay up after midnight, whilst still in Primary school. Most parents have more sense, IME.

[NeverKnowinglyUnderstood]

we are hosting a sleepover for DS2 next weekend. there will be 7 x 9 year olds.
there will be a point at about 10pm where I make sure they are in their pj's and suggest they put on a film.
the last one he had, we turned electronic devices off at midnight but they had torches and mischief until about 1.30am

[shewhowines]

After the first few where there was little sleep, I now only agree to regular sleepovers if I extract a promise that they will sleep by 11/12. They know that if they don't settle down by then, I won't be in a hurry to allow the next one. -- evil mother that I am.

[nokidshere]

I insist they are in PJ's and tucked up by 11 but beyond that I leave them to it. If they are sleeping downstairs there is a pin number to stop them watching telly for over 12's and I am normally in my office until the early hours anyway.

Even then they are not normally asleep before about 2am!

We only plan sleepovers when its not going to affect anything else we are doing! My children have fairly early bedtimes normally and even staying up till 11 is enough to write off the next day!

[DeskPlanner]

Another vote for UABVU.

[NynaevesSister]

Sparkle! Nobody is saying that this is normal! It is a sleepover that happens very occasionally. And not on a school night.

We do have one boy who stays overnight at least once a month but that is not a sleepover, too regular for that so they are both on normal weekend routine but with an extra hour up if I don't think they are too tired. Also most are talking around 9 to 13 here, not 3 or 4 year olds!

[maddening]

When I was little and we had sleepovers we tried to stay up as late as poss and it always involved a secret mission to the kitchen - it's not every weekend so one offs are fine imo :)

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

TBH I'd be far more concerned about my (just) ten year old watching Casino Royale unsupervised.

I don't care if they don't sleep all night but any DVDs/games brought to our sleepovers are carefully scrutinised.DS is confident enough to pipe up when he's at other sleepovers - though he's savvy enough to blame me (have been told this by other mums)

[marquesas]

OP - why is it a problem that the children might have tried to eat or drink whilst being unsupervised? What kind of danger would that involve?

I'm not a great fan of sleepovers as it does make the next day a write off but I wouldn't complain about it. As some others have said the most concerning element for me would be free access to the TV - was it Sky?

[freddiefrog]

We call them no-sleep-overs

My eldest is 11 and beyond insisting they're in their room and keep the noise down from about 11ish, I go to bed and leave them to it. DD1 only has a tv plugged into a DVD player in her room so I know they're not watching anything dodgy.

They don't get much sleep, if any, but they're the same wherever the no-sleep-over is so I've not annoyed another parent yet.

I've banned then now for the rest of this holiday, the first week DD was either out or we had assorted girls here every night and I've had enough

[FOURBOYSUNDER6]

Yanbu imp!!!!
Sleepovers should, of course, be fun but there should still be rules/boundaries and close supervision ! Especially at that age ! I would be raging too...... A late night with tv and treats is enough surely ? Who is ruling the roost !!!!!?????
Mine are younger in age but any sleepover so far has been lots of fun but only slightly extended bed time and no wii tv etc after certain time .... Not 'fun police' but 'saving them from themselves' ???? They are kids and need boundaries IMO
I am actually shocked at how little support you have had on this thread .....

[pooka]

DD is 9. I start getting antsy if she has someone over and they're still awake at 11pm. They have by then been in bed since about 10pm.

I absolutely would not be impressed if she was up too much beyond midnight. But I wouldn't expect it really - she only has sleepovers with close friends (and the children of friends IYSWIM) who have similar outlook.

But then she is only 9.

I wouldn't criticise, and if it was a bigger deal, like a birthday party sleepover I'd be a lot more chilled out.

[pooka]

I have been known to lurk in hall waiting for the escape party at 11ish so I can get firm about time to go to sleep. They seem to be obsessed with the idea of midnight feast.

[HeadfirstForHalos]

I remember the sleepover my dd1 had for her birthday last year. Her and 4 friends aged 9-11, it was all I could do to get them to actually stay in bed by midnight, had to go in and hush them several times after that. I eventully fell asleep at 3am listening to them still talking quietly!

Then they got up at 7am

Yes, they were very tired the next day, they all looked like zombies when their parents picked them up, it's all par for the course though.

Dd1's already making noises about another one for her birthday this year