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AIBU?

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Original poster

Strip club!

645 replies

everythinghappensforareason · 29/03/2013 21:41

So dh has been kicked out back to his Mothers following a night out Saturday, that ended at a strip club, not only that but also paying for a lap dance from a young girl in nothing but a thong. Ive never been so mad, there was 3 of them. It makes me feel sick, he has apologised + claimed he didn't enjoy it one bit, it was worse than he imagined etc. but i just feel like people around me ( his family) Probably think im over reacting, so my question is, what would u do?

OP posts:
villagebird · 03/04/2013 20:16

I think you are going over the top. Sorry to say. At the end of the day he was with his mates having a laugh. Did he shag her? Its no different from you and I (as women) going to a 1980's strip night with our mates screaming our heads off laughing when some bloke flops his nob out on your shoulder. It was a laugh. I think you must be insecure. Sorry to be harsh but think you need to leave it. I work in city of london and blokes and women go to these clubs all the time. Its no big deal. Its not an affair ITS A LAUGH. Please for your own peace of mind let it go!

FucktidiaBollockberry · 03/04/2013 20:16

That's the other technique sex industry supporters will use - imply that women who are opposed to it, are insecure and so it's their problem.

Very clever.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 03/04/2013 20:17

The "forget it babe, it's just a laugh, boys will be boys" response again. Some women don't want to put up with bad behaviour within their relationship, villagebird.

I think OP has shown her dh that she is not willing to put up with that shit - and good for her - it need not be the end of her relationship - but she is now establishing her boundaries.

FucktidiaBollockberry · 03/04/2013 20:17

villagebird the OP is working this out with her DP and your advice is inappropriate.

You do not have the right to tell another woman that her feelings are invalid, it's shit.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 03/04/2013 20:24

Its no different from you and I (as women) going to a 1980's strip night with our mates screaming our heads off laughing when some bloke flops his nob out on your shoulder.

Never done that. Have you Fucktidia? Grin

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 03/04/2013 20:28

That was serious btw - I really never have been to see male strippers. It's not my idea of a laugh.

I'll wager that women that argue against strip clubs are not the type to go and see dreamboys or whoever. It would be a tad hypocritical.

villagebird · 03/04/2013 20:33

I never once said her feelings are invalid. Of course they are important. I work in very male environment and I can tell you the majority of men. Decent or not would give their right arm for a lap dance. Rightly or wrongly. At the end of the day whats the harm, he's not shagged her. If she is working stuff out with her dp thats great. But she needs to try and move forward with him. I dont support the sex industry at all. I think its awful. But at the end of the day, I dont care what any of you say blokes love a stripper. Decent bloke or not its a fact. And the so called 'pillars of the community' are the worst. I hope she works it out with him.

villagebird · 03/04/2013 20:37

Blimey don't you remember the dreamboys in the 1980's. Was all the rage back then. When some of us were in our early 20's having a laugh!!!! when we were younger.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 03/04/2013 20:54

I like a laugh - but that's not my idea of a laugh - sorry!

villagebird - I suggest you give the thread a little read through - it's blatantly obvious you haven't read it if you're going to start with the 'all men love strippers' thing again. It's a bit tedious to go through it all again.

villagebird · 03/04/2013 20:59

Was my idea of a laugh in the 80's. Now I would run a mile.

countrykitten · 03/04/2013 21:09

Well male strippers have never been my idea of a laugh tbh - sleazy and horrible.

Why oh why do women defend men's dreadful behaviour (it's only a laugh, she didn't shag him) and then in the next breath attack other women (you must be insecure).

villagebird · 03/04/2013 21:23

I dont recall attacking anyone. Just trying to make someone see sense. At the end of the day men are animals and always will be. Im not insecure at all, quite the opposite. I work with some of the most 'respectable' men you could meet. I know what they get up to as I have seen them in action. My ex dh his mates got him a lap/dancer stripper for his stag do. Pictures on the internet and talk of the City. I didnt give a toss because im secure in myself. She was just some old tart getting paid to giggle her tits around. Got to feel sorry for her really. And i left him because he was a drunk by the way. Most of you on here prob have got blokes that go and see strippers or watch porn when your not around. Whats the big deal. Dont be fooled by some 'nice lovely respectable chappy'. They are the worst sort. Im not defending men at all, but some of you women need to stop being wet and get a grip. Toughen up and stop being weak. Men hate it.

Sunnywithshowers · 03/04/2013 21:36

villagebird, it sounds like you don't like women very much: 'some old tart', 'toughen up'.

You don't speak for all men (or women).

FucktidiaBollockberry · 03/04/2013 21:39

Oh god.

Read the thread.

Toughen up and stop being weak because men hate it?

Has it ever occurred to you that it is actually possible for a woman to live her life as if the most important thing about it is not whether men like her or not?

I don't give a flying fuck if men like me or not. I suspect that I'm not that keen on the ones who don't like me, I don't need male approval to be happy. Frightening, I know. Imagine if all women felt like that: men would have to shape up or go back to using violence to keep women under control.

And er, no I've never gone to see a male stripper. Not my idea of entertainment.

And you work in the city, which is full of sexist wankers, of course you think all men are like that.

Read the thread to get the arguments, we've been through all this.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 03/04/2013 21:43

I'm sorry you move in social circles that give you such a poor opinion of men and women, villagebird.

I've worked in the city too - and ime it's a total myth that all the men go to strip clubs. Some do - it always tends to be the same ones (unless they can persuade some poor sod with a wife and kids at home to go one night - "just for a laugh like") and they're always the type that are "quietly" misogynistic. Not overtly - but just subtly - ie. they can't relate to women as their equals, don't think women's opinions are as valid as men's, are dismissive of females doing the same job as them etc etc.

villagebird · 03/04/2013 21:49

Of course I like women. But alot of them are wet and weak and need to toughen up. I dont think any woman needs male approval at all. You are totally missing the point. Not all men are wankers. Alot are though. Pretend to their wives and girlfriends they are lovely. See it all the time. Bullshitting down the phone. Its pathetic. And yes SUNNYWITHSHOWERS. they are tarts. Or are they nice girls? Anyway time to end this. You obviously live very blinkered lives.

countrykitten · 03/04/2013 21:51

Well villagebird all your last post has done is make me feel sorry for you. I cannot imagine living with such a bizarre mindset about men and women - you seem to have a very low opinion of both.

villagebird · 03/04/2013 21:54

SABRINA I see all sorts of people every day. All types from different social circles etc. I see how men and women work. I dont have a poor opinion of men/women. Its CERTAIN PEOPLE I have a poor opinion of. And of course men in the City dont relate to women as their equals. Never will. Its a mans world up there no matter what a woman does. Always will be. And does that really matter. Who cares.

villagebird · 03/04/2013 21:58

COUNTRYKIITTEN read my last post. 'CERTAIN PEOPLE' Come on.....you telling me there are not certain types of men/women that you have opinions of. We all do.

FucktidiaBollockberry · 03/04/2013 22:11

I reserve my contempt for the men who feel entitled to objectify women, not the women who are groomed to believe that self-objectification is empowerment.

I look at the power relationship and come down on the side of the one with least power.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 03/04/2013 22:17

VILLAGEBIRD - You may have bought into the "men-are-all-animals" "men-all-like-strippers" type myths, but we haven't. You may like to think you have more experience of people from different social circles than me - but I don't know how could could possibly know that.

Its a great shame that you are so accepting women not being considered equals in so many professions/walks of life:

"And of course men in the City dont relate to women as their equals. Never will. Its a mans world up there no matter what a woman does. Always will be. And does that really matter. Who cares."

Well I care. I think it really matters. It matters for me, for my sisters, for my daughter, and any future granddaughters I may have. And I think it's much more likely to happen if women aren't seen as decorative sex objects to gratify men, and if we recognise the men who do patronise strip clubs, and the like, as the misogynists they are. That's not the only thing that needs to change - but it'll help.

bp300 · 03/04/2013 22:53

countrykitten Wed 03-Apr-13 17:14:44
At least your DH knows what he did was hurtful,thoughtless and disrespectful and he will have learned from this how much you all mean to him and how close he came to losing everything.

It seems that some men can't see anything wrong with this kind of behaviour at all and that is scary.
__
I disagree with this. The OP's said that her husband has said that what he did was cheating and has apologised for this. If he really believes this then he has deliberately gone out and cheated on her which is the worst thing he can do.
I personally don't think it is cheating but I would never go out and do something that I thought was cheating.

countrykitten · 03/04/2013 22:57

bp300 I am not sure what your point is - what don't you agree with?

villagebird · 03/04/2013 22:59

God you all sound like a right bunch of lefties. Equality blah blah blah . I take it you are the type that if a bloke in the office said to you 'nice tits' you would report him to HR.

This is hilarious - are you a school teacher by the way or a social worker

I reserve my contempt for the men who feel entitled to objectify women, not the women who are groomed to believe that self-objectification is empowerment.

I look at the power relationship and come down on the side of the one with least power.

villagebird · 03/04/2013 23:02

Also I cannot believe the husband said that what he did was cheating!! He sounds like a wet weekend that needs to 'grow some'. This thread is a joke please tell me.

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