Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Strip club!

645 replies

everythinghappensforareason · 29/03/2013 21:41

So dh has been kicked out back to his Mothers following a night out Saturday, that ended at a strip club, not only that but also paying for a lap dance from a young girl in nothing but a thong. Ive never been so mad, there was 3 of them. It makes me feel sick, he has apologised + claimed he didn't enjoy it one bit, it was worse than he imagined etc. but i just feel like people around me ( his family) Probably think im over reacting, so my question is, what would u do?

OP posts:
countrykitten · 02/04/2013 16:30

And yes - start your own thread so that more people can get to see the sort of things you are posting. Their responses may well open your eyes a bit.

GogoGobo · 02/04/2013 16:32

Disagree Country
I just think Eyes is doing herself a great disservice
Now, where is there a nice thread about pearls and cupcakes I can join. I need a place of sanctuary whilst my husband wanks off over hard core porn and my daughter dresses like a whore under my VERY nose

countrykitten · 02/04/2013 16:32

Wonders whether to report Eyes for the charming name change but thinks not as it is so much better that people can see what kind of crap s/he is posting on here.

How you have the gall to report me after basically calling me a 'cunt' several times is actually beyond me. Ridiculous.

Sunnywithshowers · 02/04/2013 16:34

Anyway... OP I hope you're okay.

countrykitten · 02/04/2013 16:34

Gogo point taken - it's just that Eyes seems to feel that she is the voice of all sex workers and makes very sweeping generalisation. But yes - you are right.

quietlysuggests · 02/04/2013 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ledkr · 02/04/2013 16:57

eyes why would I want to ask my son questions like that?
That's his business not mine.
I have had three teenage boys who all had a colourful Internet history and a magazine stash on their rooms. That us very normal for a teenage boy.
This thread is about lap dancing and whether its ok for the ops husband to go to one, which for the op it wasn't so that's that really.
As for advice on how to talk to my children why not save it for when you are a mother and don't spout shut about stuff you know nothing about.

glossyflower · 02/04/2013 17:16

country just to clarify I wasn't aware there would be male strippers there. And I did specifically tell our friends, I didn't want strippers there...as did all the other hens. Unfortunately, because the club we went to after the meal knew it was a massive hen party, the club took it on themselves to host a so called ladies night.
However it was my hen night, and early in the evening I couldn't just leave.
If anything it was funny watching these boys thinking they are sexy when they really weren't, they just looked sweaty and horrible, and there were other girls there just lapping it up!

As for what your husband would think, actually a married friend who was there was involved in the strippers games, and seemed to really enjoy it. However the next day, of course photos and comments went up on facebook (not vindictively just innocently) and friend's husband was quite upset, and told her she let herself down as it was very tasteless and tacky.
She was mortified people put up these photos, but imo the mortifying thing was her taking part like she was an 18 year old on heat enjoying every second.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 02/04/2013 17:43

Eyes: yes, I am passionate about what I know to be the truth about human relationships and men and women.

Oh good. Thanks for that.

Your "truth" about human relationships and men and women is not necessarily anyone else's "truth." Why you think you're so qualified to know more about our relationships than we do ourselves, just because you've worked in the sex industry, I'll never know.

countrykitten · 02/04/2013 18:06

It's all a bit weird tbh.

Ledkr · 02/04/2013 18:25

I don't believe she's worked in the industry or she wouldn't feel the need to be so vile to other females.
There have been genuine ex sex workers on mn over the years and they have been very balanced about it all. Not felt the need to be venomous about other women's relationships.
Mostly though they are very sexually liberated and wise and would take ownership of their sexual satisfaction and having spent years satisfying men despite not fancying them would certainly not preform any sexual acts simply to satisfy a man when not working.
Eyes has such a strange view of sex and uses such teenage boy terminology it's hard to see her as having had the open mind needed to work in said environment.

IsBella · 02/04/2013 19:00

I like Rebecca Mott's writing. She spent years in the sex industry and has quite a different voice to Eyes.

rmott62.wordpress.com/2012/07/04/learning-how-to-be-human/

IsBella · 02/04/2013 19:03

Oh btw my daughter doesn't dress for men, she's 10.

Grin

Also lots of my friend's children who are older than her, don't do the stereotype "check" dressing you talked about Eyes.

BTW I said you've never met a good man, because you talk as if you haven't. You insist that all men are scum, which leads me to believe you've never met a decent one.

My mistake.

Ledkr · 02/04/2013 19:11

I wear eyelash extensions Hmm I have short ones and they make my eyes look pretty. Not for men tho cos I already got a gorgeous one who still gave me a massive hug and snog just now when me n the kids got on from the farm park. Cold, muddy and in a bobble hat.

countrykitten · 02/04/2013 19:12
Smile
Sunnywithshowers · 02/04/2013 19:20

Isbella I've just looked at Rebecca Mott's blog. It's so full of grief. :(

Ledkr · 02/04/2013 19:21

Pmd you country. Could do it soon would be well funny.

itsasmallworldisntit · 02/04/2013 21:35

oh dear, you people appear to have huge trust issues, first of all - how do you know he went to the strip club? i am going to assume that he has told you (unless you have been following him around), and if he told you then would you not think he has nothing to hide?
a lot of posters here, seem to have low self esteem, and for that i pity you. who does this man go home to every night?

while it was you, now you have kicked him out it will make it ever so more tempting for him to seek a warm cosy bed with another.

your points seem counter productive

countrykitten · 02/04/2013 21:39

Oh God. Either Eyes has name changed or she actually has a disciple.

Please think about the OP and her distress before posting such appalling crap.

kotinka · 02/04/2013 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sunnywithshowers · 02/04/2013 22:09
Hmm
dublindee · 03/04/2013 01:17

Have read through the whole thread. TBH I was trying to see if I could allow for how I'd feel if my DH did this and I just couldn't get past it in my head to say "yeah I'm fine with that".

I did ask him hypothetically outlining bare facts if he thought it was cheating. Looking for another perspective...

His replies "Why would I be in the club in the first place?"

"It's sleazy and objectifies women"

"It's not a proper turn on if you have to PAY someone to get sexy with you"

"Technically it's not cheating - but morally it's fucked up. If you're married and your wife's just had a baby and is letting you out to enjoy a night with the lads you should be kissing her feet and not being an arsehole"

I must say, I would be extremely shocked if hubby ever went to a LDC. It's just not his thing.. I could only imagine him going if it was a stag do. I wouldn't be impressed but to be fair if its a stag do then it's kinda more understandable although not any less exploitative, sleazy, sad but having said that if he had a private dance then it would be a huge issue for me. He knows how I feel about stuff like this, so it's showing no respect for my pov. It's a massive breach of trust as well.

Could I forgive? He'd have a hell of a time explaining to me. And the apology would have to be AMAZING.

Maybe...

I just hope I never find out. [buhmm]

Sending you a big hug OP. Hope you are doing ok. xx

Verbalpunchbag · 03/04/2013 01:48

I'm surprised at how many replies to the op say this would be a deal breaker, do they really mean they would split up or divorce over this? Or am I missing the point?

FucktidiaBollockberry · 03/04/2013 09:59

itsasmallworld this may come as news to you, but there are women on this thread with enough self-respect that if their OH's slept with someone else to show her who is boss, they would know for absolute sure that they'd made the right decision to throw him out in the first place. The OP sounds like one of them.

I know that's alarming for some men, the idea that women don't have to be grateful that they've got a man and that's why come on sites like Mumsnet to try and put women in their place and ensure they don't get ideas above themselves like expecting men to treat them and other women with some fucking respect. However, mostly women on these sites spot them and continue to tell the OP that no, she's not wrong, she is entitled to some self-respect after all.

HTH.

FucktidiaBollockberry · 03/04/2013 10:03

Verbalpunchbug, no you are not missing the point.

Yes, there are women who would split up or divorce over this.

Because as other people have said further down the thread (whcih you clearly haven't read properly) this is not about "this" - it's about what it says about the man who is doing this. It's about what he thinks of women, what he thinks of his relationship, what sort of person he is. Some women are happy to live with sub-standard men; some of us would rather live alone.

It has actually already been said.