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Original poster

Strip club!

645 replies

everythinghappensforareason · 29/03/2013 21:41

So dh has been kicked out back to his Mothers following a night out Saturday, that ended at a strip club, not only that but also paying for a lap dance from a young girl in nothing but a thong. Ive never been so mad, there was 3 of them. It makes me feel sick, he has apologised + claimed he didn't enjoy it one bit, it was worse than he imagined etc. but i just feel like people around me ( his family) Probably think im over reacting, so my question is, what would u do?

OP posts:
Ledkr · 02/04/2013 07:41

Also bp. You Sk for other makes to come forward to give their take in it but you are saying our dh's are lying.
I'm not sure what you think our marriages are like but in mine it's not all about kids work house and cooking.
Me and my dh go out together get pissed and have very deep conversations. We often lie on bed untill the early hours telling each other out darkest secrets. We speak or text twice daily, very soppy stuff.
When you are that close to someone you don't lie.
He's told me worse than "I on e went to a strip club" knowing if be upset but he still told me.
Don't judge others by your own standards.

BelaLugosisShed · 02/04/2013 08:10

Well mine's never been to a strip club on a stag do, that's because he's never been to a bloody stag do, so how does that fit in with your "universal truth" ? Hmm

There have been men on other threads like this stating that they've never been to a LDC on a stag do - are they lying too?

Have you read my post about my DH refusing to take clients to one? If he would do that ( and have a huge row with his boss about it) why exactly would he choose to go in one of his own volition? He has been to a few birthdays/leaving do's and not followed the others like a sheep ( and once he's said no usually a couple more have followed suit) .

That is a fact and I think I know my DH after 30 years thank you.

Ledkr · 02/04/2013 08:24

Maybe we should form a support group for our poor dh's who are obviously not behaving in the correct way and are missing out on seeing people's young dds taking off their clothes Hmm

GoSuckEggs · 02/04/2013 08:28

I personally dont understand the big issue with strip clubs. I have no problem if my DH went, or if he had a dance. - perhaps I would just want to go with him.

Ledkr · 02/04/2013 08:32

Good for you gosuck that's your personal choice.
Doesn't mean it's everyone's though.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 02/04/2013 08:50

Well, some men treat women like crap, and those men think that all men behave like them.

bp only knows a 'the odd' man that won't go into strip clubs - ergo all our husbands are lying to us. But - he's judging this on the stag night culture. And I think all the women contributing to this thread would recognise that misogyny is alive and well in all walks of life.

Does the average man go on 3 stag nights a year? My dh doesn't - he hates the stag night culture and avoids them like the plague (easier since we've had children).

Ledkr - my relationship is like yours Smile

GoSuckEggs · 02/04/2013 08:52

Ledkr - Hmm that is why i wrote ' I personally' FFS

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 02/04/2013 08:54

I think that men with opinions like bp are often the same type who sneer at men who have female friends and leer at said female friends on nights out. Because, to them, women aren't full human beings - they are there to look pretty and for the sexual gratification of men.

AnitaKnightSavesTheWorld · 02/04/2013 09:09

I think it's important not to base your opinions of men on stag nights you've attended, bp300. After all, men that go on stag nights are a self selecting group - many men don't go on stag nights.

One of my friend's dh goes on them all the time. And he goes to strip clubs.

I can see how watching men's behaviour on stag nights over a 10 year period would skew your opinion of men's behaviour though.

Ledkr · 02/04/2013 09:32

Also important to note that its perfectly possible to have a stag do without strippers or lap dancers!
I've just asked ds 2 who is 25 if he's been to any stags with strippers and he rolled his eyes and said "my mates aren't chavs mother!" He's been to loads and they are normally paintball or suchlike followed by boozy curry and clubbing or weekend abroad with much clubbing and sunburn.
I'm not sure the stag culture is as rife as we think.
His mates are all pretty ambitious intelligent guys who mostly work on the travel industry and seem to love good djs nice fashions and beautiful girls. Not Neanderthals. They seem to frown on the sex trade as I've heard them taking the piss out of some guy who uses prostitutes and often ends up robbed or stitched up.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 02/04/2013 09:49

I love your ds Ledkr!

I do find it interesting, on these threads, some posters sheer insistence that all men go to strip clubs.

Is it because they know they are doing something seedy? That if they can convince themselves that all men go, (oh, and some women - let's not forget that) then what they are doing is ok?

I wonder - are they trying to convince us or themselves?

FucktidiaBollockberry · 02/04/2013 10:29

It's that phenomenon of people who know or vaguely feel that what they're doing is wrong, or that other people would consider it wrong, trying to convince themselves and everyone else that it's not wrong really, because everyone else is doing it and just not being open about it Sabrina.

Some of these people carry it further and posit that they are in fact, more virtuous than those who say they don't do it, because at least they're open about it while those who say they don't do it must necessarily be lying.

Rapists think all men are rapists and all other men are just paying lip-service to the idea that raping women is wrong, but they do it really, it's just that they're not admitting to it. Regularly on these boards you'll get people telling people who don't smack their children that they do and they're simply being holier than thou; alcoholics assume that people who say that they have had enough to drink, are going home to down another bottle of wine in secret afterwards, as they are.

It's a really interesting phenomenon, this insistence that people who aren't like you and don't have your values, really are like you and have even worse values than you because they're hypocrites to boot. [bugrin]

MrsSpagBol · 02/04/2013 10:31

^^ I also don't get the insistence!!! Insisting that ALL men watch porn and ALL men go to strip clubs on stag do's is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. My mind literally boggles!

Have you met ALL men?

What about other cultures where it's not standard to have a stag do? Are those grooms not men?

I mean, it's such a pointless thing to argue!

TiggyD · 02/04/2013 10:59

Shhh! I'm imagining the Pope on a stag do!

EyesWallowsPunk · 02/04/2013 14:03

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EyesWallowsPunk · 02/04/2013 14:10

Fucktidia, people like me are trying to open your eyes to the fact that lapdancing clubs/dogging areas/salons are full to the brim of husbands and sons of women JUST LIKE YOU. maybe they don't watch porn in your house. Maybe they are courteous, kind, intelligent and well-rounded human beings. They tell you they would never frequent such places. But I have met them. I have met them all.

EyesWallowsPunk · 02/04/2013 14:18

By-the-way, what the other poster said about the brothers and fathers of the bride going to lapdancing clubs on stag do's is absolutely spot-on. And I'll tell you this: the fathers of the bride are always the worst. In fact, I would stick my neck out and say the most lecherous and outright disrepectful breed of punter I have come across in clubs is the well-heeled, middle-aged, middle-class husband. They are the ones who attempt to belittle the dancers and try to enforce the stereotype of sex industry workers. They are the ones who ask 'do you take it up the arse, then?' and 'do you do any extras?' and 'are those tits real?' and 'are you completely bald down there?' It is never the down-to-earth younger men who are there for a laugh. It is the good old married men who go home and pretend they went for 'a curry'.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 02/04/2013 14:24

I have met them all

Sure you have. You've met all our husbands, sons and daughters. Of course you have. Hmm

not everyone's life revolves around the sex industry.

FucktidiaBollockberry · 02/04/2013 14:27

No Eyes, you haven't.

As has already been said, you have only met the worst specimens.

I agree with you that most men are shit because our culture makes them so.

But there are a significant minority who aren't and you have no right to tar them with the same brush as the men who you have met.

You don't know the men who don't frequent lap dancing clubs, so you simply can't believe they exist.

In the same way that rapists can't believe that some men go home drunk and horny and if their wives don't fancy a shag, they accept that. Your average rapist doesn't believe that could happen because he can't imagine that a man can not be a rapist like him.

You have the effing cheek to tell us that you are trying to open our eyes to the fact that every man on this planet is actually an exploitative arsehole, while refusing to open your own eyes to the fact that you know what, some of them aren't.

Just because you've never met a good man, doesn't mean they don't exist. Some of the people on here are with them and you are so emotionally invested in excusing the behaviour of the men you know that you refuse to believe there is a different way of being a man and a better way and some women won't settle for low-lives.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 02/04/2013 14:28

You're working yourself up into quite a lather, aren't you Eyes?

Step · 02/04/2013 14:42

FFS

Oh FFS.....

So Eyes you don't know one bloke that'd say no? You need to change your friends.

ChairmanWow · 02/04/2013 14:45

eyes is just permanently angry and accepts no other reality than her own. A reality in which men and women are not able to have honest, trusting and caring relationships as equals. Better to think that all men are lying scumbags and we're naive and deluded, seemingly.

I hope you can work through your bitterness eyes but please can you take it elsewhere because frankly you're starting to sound like a broken record and you're making someone else's thread all about you. If you want to vent or -god forbid - want to explore why everything enrages you so then start your own thread.

Somewhere lost in this debate is someone who is feeling very vulnerable and was worried for the future of her relationship. If you can't make this about her then go post elsewhere.

EyesWallowsPunk · 02/04/2013 15:15

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EyesWallowsPunk · 02/04/2013 15:19

Sabrina, yes, I am passionate about what I know to be the truth about human relationships and men and women. What is your point, love?

EyesWallowsPunk · 02/04/2013 15:24

Women who have never worked in the sex industry versus women who have. Who has the monopoly on knowledge about men? Erm....