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AIBU?

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Original poster

Strip club!

645 replies

everythinghappensforareason · 29/03/2013 21:41

So dh has been kicked out back to his Mothers following a night out Saturday, that ended at a strip club, not only that but also paying for a lap dance from a young girl in nothing but a thong. Ive never been so mad, there was 3 of them. It makes me feel sick, he has apologised + claimed he didn't enjoy it one bit, it was worse than he imagined etc. but i just feel like people around me ( his family) Probably think im over reacting, so my question is, what would u do?

OP posts:
VitoCorleone · 01/04/2013 09:36

It would be a dealbreaker for me too.

I remember reading a thread a while back, think it was on MN, where the OPs DP had been playing poker and there was naked strippers serving drinks all night etc (cant remember the exact details) i read the thread out to my DP who regularly has poker nights with his friends, so he joked "ooh might have a word with the lads about that hahaha"

So i said "thats fine, im gonna arrange a night with the girls and have naked butlers serving us pineapple rings off their massive dicks"

That soon wiped the stupid smile off his face.

Stupid jokes aside, my DP knows that if anything like this happened he would be out, i would never forgive it, as far as im concerned if he wants to get sexual with other women then he can go and be single then he can do what he wants.

EyesWallowsPunk · 01/04/2013 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

EyesWallowsPunk · 01/04/2013 10:30

Who was it who told me my posts can be followed on other threads? Doh, yes, I know. Who gives a shit? Is multiple thread occupancy against the talk guidelines? Fucking hell, woman.

countrykitten · 01/04/2013 10:38

Hahaha! You are either barking mad or a total wind up merchant.

I don't fake orgasms as it would be rather stupid ( not to say dishonest and misleading ) to do so. I am hazarding a guess that most well balanced,intelligent women don't either. BTW - you are not coming across as either well balanced or intelligent.

I don't claim to have a 'perfect' sex life (no one on this thread has claimed to have this either) and I don't think that I am 'seriously fucked up' just because I won't lie to my husband. It is a strange notion that a women should be 'kind' and fake an orgasm isn't it? Have a little think about it.

You sound so bitter and angry and envious of others' happiness - is it your time in the sex industry that has made you this way?

EyesWallowsPunk · 01/04/2013 10:47

I am hardly envious of the women on this thread, Country who are deluded about their husbands' predilections for naked female bodies.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 01/04/2013 10:53

EyesWallow - I wasn't going to answer you directly as I have read your other threads too - and you clearly have issues going on in your life.

But just so you know - all women do not fake orgasms. I remember having a conversation (actually, lots of conversations!) with friends about faking orgasms at university - so late teens/early 20's.

We must have been an enlightened lot, obviously, because although a couple did admit that they'd faked it, we all ended up agreeing that women should never ever fake orgasms - because sex is a two-way street, and women should be equal participants. It's not about just pleasing the man. And because you're deceiving the person you're having sex with - and that's just stupid.

I have honestly never faked an orgasm.

countrykitten · 01/04/2013 10:53

Do you really credit all men with such little intelligence?

countrykitten · 01/04/2013 10:55

Ah - did not realise that this poster has issues (well, I can see that there is something amiss due to the aggression and weird ideas about sex).

Creameggkr · 01/04/2013 10:57

Hahaha. It was me who told you that.
Your other posts illustrate your crassness nicely as does your user name.
I also don't believe you worked in the industry as you drip fed that later rather than announce it immediately.
You sound very damaged sexually on some way particularly in your condemnation of any woman who disagrees with you.
Mumsnet can be a very supportive and useful place and its a long time since I've come across anyone so unnecessarily aggressive on here.
If I were you I'd read more on here with an open mind and accept that other people are entitled to their opinions and just because they don't agree with yours does not make them lists or deluded.

Creameggkr · 01/04/2013 10:59

Sorry idiots not lists ha ha

countrykitten · 01/04/2013 11:00

Hmmm - looked but can't find any 'issues'. Maybe she is just a very, unhappy angry person.

I second the very sensible words of Creameggkr

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 01/04/2013 11:00

bp300 - all men go to strip clubs is as stupid a statement to make as Eye's all women fake orgasms.

My dh didn't go into a strip club on a friend's stag night in Amsterdam (I've told this story before on MN) - he and 2 other friends out of a group of about 10 stayed in a coffee shop smoking while the others went in.

I know it's true because of the furore it caused - nearly broke up a group of friends of 10 years standing, and they were accused of 'betraying the stag' Hmm But I'm glad they stood their ground.

It's really quite simple. Some men value women as their equals in society and are not interested in watching women who are only talking to them, taking their clothes off and dancing for them, because they are being paid.

countrykitten · 01/04/2013 11:01

Apart from the 'list' bit Grin

countrykitten · 01/04/2013 11:03

It's really quite simple. Some men value women as their equals in society and are not interested in watching women who are only talking to them, taking their clothes off and dancing for them, because they are being paid.

^^This^^

And I wish that more women understood that this is how decent men are/think.

Creameggkr · 01/04/2013 11:10

Yes so do I. I have three sons an ex dh a dh a brother a bil a father a fil and many make friends NONE OF WHOM GO TO STRIP CLUBS.
I think it's such a shame that some people's only opinions of men are so low and their opinion of women who don't wasn't their partners going to them are clingy or insecure or frigid.
It simply doesn't work like that.
My dh Stood his ground and didn't go to a stag do because of what they had planned.

Tolly81 · 01/04/2013 11:12

bp300 of course you've never met a man who wouldn't go to a strip club - you only hang out with other losers people like you.
Eyes I'm not sure how your contributions are helpful to the OP. I don't believe it is true that every man who's wife has just borne their baby is fantasizing about other naked women. Maybe I'm naive, I don't really care but it is ridiculous and frankly condescending to suggest that all men behave in the same way when put in a situation such as this. Basically you really believe that there isn't a man that walks the planet who can't control themselves? Sad. You're entitled to your opinion of course but this thread is about the OP asking for advice on what she should do in the aftermath of being upset about this happening.
everything fwiw I would also be distraught and would certainly view this as disloyalty. I would feel even worse and more vulnerable if I had recently given birth. It sounds like he is very regretful though. I agree with pps though that have suggested letting him back home but not sharing a bed - aside from anything else he should be helping you with the baby, you must be exhausted. He should also have time to bond with the baby, regardless of whether or not you manage to work through this. Do you feel ready yet to speak to him about it? It may seem odd but sometimes writing how you feel down in a letter can help, as you might get too emotional to say it. It can be quite cathartic as well to write your feelings down. It might also be helpful to spend some time thinking about your relationship as a whole, setting some ground rules, and thinking about the positive things about your relationship, as that might help you work through this. I really feel for you - my emotions were all over the place post-delivery, this is not what you need at all Flowers

EyesWallowsPunk · 01/04/2013 11:34

By 'issues' you presumably mean that I am struggling to conceive my first child. Go to the conception threads and you will find many women who are having lots and lots of sex in their quest to have a baby and who are not necessarily enjoying the experience. It can be boring, stressful, unsexy and monotonous. It is often clinical. Do not judge women who, for whatever reason, deem it kinder to occasionally fake an orgasm when things are not going right and their partner is increasingly frustrated or upset at his performance.

countrykitten · 01/04/2013 11:36

Right - so don't project your issues on to another clearly unrelated thread.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 01/04/2013 11:41

Yes, quite, countrykitten. Eyes has been unnecessarily aggressive on here - insulting other women, calling them hags and liars.

Eyes, remember that there is an OP behind this thread who is also upset and frustrated. And who was not posting about faking orgasms Hmm

Creameggkr · 01/04/2013 11:54

Well I don't think anyone in here would hold that against you eyes I personally was referring to some of what you posted on the thread, the content of which was pretty crass and a preoccupation with swallowing spunk for some reason!
Many if us have suffered mc or TTC problems that's what leads people here. There are many of life's issues on here most of which posters receive amazing support for. Along with that though comes lots of strong experienced and opinionated women. That is what makes mn so diverse.
When those opinions are voiced its fine to disagree but not fine to launch into ignorant attacks on people.
When you called me names and pitied my husband rubbishing our relationship you didn't even know if I had one or was a widow or even a lesbian. That's why it's just not the right thing to do.
Many new posters make the same mistake but its not the best way to get the most from mn.
In the many years I've been on here I've had my views challenged (and changed) and met some amazing people.
I hope that by just listening and even debating other people's opinions you will love mn like many if us do but when you start name calling it makes you sound ridiculous and your opinions won't receive the co side ration you'd like them to.

Creameggkr · 01/04/2013 11:56

Sorry the consideration (bloody I phone)

I really do wish you all the best though.

MrsSpagBol · 01/04/2013 12:08

Eyes

This:

"
SabrinaMulhollandJjones Mon 01-Apr-13 11:41:58
Yes, quite, countrykitten. Eyes has been unnecessarily aggressive on here - insulting other women, calling them hags and liars.

Eyes, remember that there is an OP behind this thread who is also upset and frustrated. And who was not posting about faking orgasms "

I can't really fathom why you have chosen to babble on and on and on about fake orgasms and the sex industry and then attack anyone who disagrees with your sweeping generalisations! It is completely off topic, and not what the OP posted about!!

Start your own thread elsewhere since you seem to have so many issues. And preferably take bp300 with you while you are at it.

Your unnecessary aggression and rudeness is cluttering up the OP's post about an issue that is very serious for her.

FucktidiaBollockberry · 01/04/2013 13:00

I obviously live in a parallel universe.

I don't believe there is a single time in life where it is "appropriate" (appropriate forsooth!) to fake an orgasm.

I've shagged some idiots in my time but I didn't ever feel the need to treat them like punters. I've had a bit more respect for them than that.

And yes I've done the shagging every day thing too

FucktidiaBollockberry · 01/04/2013 13:03

Sorry, I mean shagging every day to conceive - the duty shag.

My partner didn't become an infantalised idiot just because the primary purpose of the shagging was conception

countrykitten · 01/04/2013 13:24

A good point well made but I suspect that Eye won't share your pov.