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Original poster

Strip club!

645 replies

everythinghappensforareason · 29/03/2013 21:41

So dh has been kicked out back to his Mothers following a night out Saturday, that ended at a strip club, not only that but also paying for a lap dance from a young girl in nothing but a thong. Ive never been so mad, there was 3 of them. It makes me feel sick, he has apologised + claimed he didn't enjoy it one bit, it was worse than he imagined etc. but i just feel like people around me ( his family) Probably think im over reacting, so my question is, what would u do?

OP posts:
Original poster
everythinghappensforareason · 31/03/2013 23:43

DH came around today to bring Easter things for DD/DS, he also brought a box of chocolates for me, and sent a message after leaving " you looked very nice today" then other long messages saying how much he was going to show me how sorry he was, and what a fool he had been. I am definitely making him suffer, he hurt me so much, and broke my trust. nothing is set on what i will do ultimately but he is trying! and he said it gave him the kick up the ass he needed to see what he has and loosing it made him realise.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 31/03/2013 23:48

He sounds like a good 'un that made a really stupid decision and regrets it.

Original poster
everythinghappensforareason · 31/03/2013 23:58

i thought he was a gooden, he's always been loyal!

OP posts:
Original poster
everythinghappensforareason · 31/03/2013 23:58

I asked him today, would he class what happened as cheating, and he said yes! I also class it as that!

OP posts:
Creameggkr · 31/03/2013 23:59

Massive assumptions there eyes. How can you assume so much based on my opinions being different from yours?
Your views on a sexual relationship are outdated and unhealthy and good luck on mums net because the majority of women on here would disagree and be very offended by your views on a womans duty to please her man even if that means doing something they dislike.
You sound very bitter.
Don't forget we can read people's previous posts on other threads.
I have a very happy marriage and life thank you.
My husband and I have five beautiful children and a wonderful home.
I am far from an old hag my dear and I've certainly not had to achieve any of that by faking my enjoyment of sex or doing anything I'm not comfortable with.
What a sad and confused woman you sound.
I hope you get what you want from life soon so that you can lose some of your bitterness.

Creameggkr · 01/04/2013 00:01

Oh I just showed my husband your posts and he said you are obviously mental
HTH Grin

DeadWomanWalking · 01/04/2013 00:01

EyesWallowsPunk you're a bit of a strange one aren't you? Why on earth would any woman have sex when she doesn't want too? Unless she is forced/pressured into it, in which case it's a completely different scenario and you're talking about abuse. As far as swallowing is concerned, each to their own really, it comes down to personal preference. And why would any woman fake an orgasm when she can have a real one? [bconfused] Isn't that just a little silly? I wouldn't want sex with a man who needed to have his ego stroked by me faking it! I would want him to bloody well give me an orgasm! [bhmm]

DeadWomanWalking · 01/04/2013 00:04

smiley failure there

Creameggkr · 01/04/2013 00:04

everything I'm glad hrs trying hard and making you feel a bit better.
He is doing all the right things isn't he?
Hope you get some sleep x

Creameggkr · 01/04/2013 00:06

Careful deadwoman she'll be calling you names soon and pitying your poor husband Grin

Original poster
everythinghappensforareason · 01/04/2013 00:24

Yeah Cream, guess he is. He's far from forgiven, but if he can show me that he is truly sorry, which i believe he is, but he can suffer for a while, ino i sound harsh probably, but I could see today that he genuinely believed that was it for us, and it hurt him, and i want him to really really see what he's lost/almost lost. I am coming round to the idea of working through it.

OP posts:
grovel · 01/04/2013 00:32

I have been to a lap-dancing club with my DH (his first time too). We were in New Orleans. DH was at a conference and had asked me to come along because he was meeting a German client who was bringing his wife. The client was close to spending $MM with DH's company. DH's team had worked really hard to win the business.

We went out for a lovely dinner (paid for by DH's company). "Klaus" insisted that he buy us a nightcap on our way back to the hotel. He took us to a lap-dancing place. His wife was completely calm about this. My DH gave me a quizzical look (suggesting he was ready to say "no"). I shrugged (half revolted/half intrigued).
I suppose it was a "classy" place. Decorated like a "Gentleman's Club" (studded leather armchairs, ridiculous faux bookshelves etc).

All I can say is that the ambience was not erotic. It's the softest of soft porn. Very pretty girls got (most) of their kit off for money. No touching.

When I talked to DH back at the hotel he said it was embarrassing. "It's not like they fancied me".

It's rubbish but not the end of the world.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 01/04/2013 01:03

It does nothing to further the equality of women when the term 'gentlemen's club' conjures up a vision of leather furniture, fake bookshelves and women paid to walk around, scantily clad, giving tinkly laughs and rapt attention to the (mostly) male punters, and dance provocatively and almost naked, for a fee.

Lessthanaballpark · 01/04/2013 01:09

It's just bizarre. Why would you want to pay someone to wiggle their bits in front of you? When you know that they wouldn't be doing it if you weren't paying? I'd feel such a loser.

bp300 · 01/04/2013 02:48

A lot of people on here are delusional if they believe their partners have never been to or wouldn't visit a strip club. Most would not choose to visit a strip club under normal circumstances but I have been to many stag dos over the years and many of them ended in a strip club. I have never ever come across a man who has refused to go to a strip club or have a private dance because their partner would not allow it, it just doesn't happen.

Leavenheath · 01/04/2013 04:24

Here's one for you then.

We've had family over for Easter and got reminiscing. BIL was saying that DH could never be persuaded to go in a sex club on their many stag nights together, not because of my views but because of his. He just doesn't agree with them and has always said so to anyone when this topic's come up. A lot of his mates and even BIL now feel the same so it sounds like DH has managed to persuade them all round to his way of thinking. Strong man, my DH.

ChairmanWow · 01/04/2013 06:03

bp bringing in the old 'all men do it and you don't understand them* routine there. If it wasn't disrespectful to the OP I'd get a bullshit bingo card going to see what other bollocks people can come up with. Has anyone mentioned the one where it's actually empowering for women to be paid to flash their parts in men's faces yet? Just wondering.

Sorry everything. It sounds like your partner is really trying to make amends though. He seems to be taking on board how seriously you take this with his acknowledgment of cheating. It's early days but these at least look like good signs. He clearly loves you very much and is doing some very serious thinking about how deeply he has fucked up. Early days, but I hope you're feeling better about things.

CheerfulYank · 01/04/2013 06:29

I'd be livid.

It's cheating. If someone rubbed their breasts n bits all over my DH with his encouragement at a party, it would definitely be cheating, so why is it different since money's changed hands. Not to mention that he'd be furious if I were all over some guy...

Also I don't believe a person's sexuality should be for sale. Ever.

Sausageeggbacon · 01/04/2013 08:06

Wow this thread gave me a laugh, OP you know that nowadays the dancers can't come within 3 feet of the customer and no physical contact is allowed. If it happens the clubs could lose their license and I bet they will put money first and insist the girls don't touch. But if you are uncomfortable with it leave the bastard.

BelaLugosisShed · 01/04/2013 08:24

"I have never ever come across a man who has refused to go to a strip club or have a private dance because their partner would not allow it, it just doesn't happen".
Well you'd be very wrong then.
My DH hasn't ever been to a strip club and in fact refused to take customers to one when he was responsible for wining and dining them, not because I "would not allow it" but because he thinks they are awful places that exploit women and the stupid , gullible men who frequent them.
On the very rare occasion that a group of people he's been on a night out with have gone to one, he's said No thanks, not for me, and come home, it's not difficult to say no if you are a mature adult with half a brain.

Nincompoopery · 01/04/2013 08:44

Everything it really does sound as though he's trying and I hope this trying will not stop here. You sound a lot more settled today than yesterday, maybe you are getting a few things straight in your head?
Bit difficult to see your update though as this thread appears to be focused more now on people's own opinions of the industry and who is right / wrong as opposed to answering your question. Shame.

countrykitten · 01/04/2013 09:20

Eye what a scarily fucked up person you are. Faking orgasms is not normal (why on earth would you?) and I can happily state that I have never 'submitted' to sex at my husband's 'request' when I didn't want to. Why would I? You clearly have very many problems and I hope that you get some help.

Btw - calling sane people 'hags' when they disagree with your bizarre and screwed up view of sex is just really fucking sad and pathetic.

countrykitten · 01/04/2013 09:22

And here's another dh who is not interested in this shit form of sexual 'entertainment' because he has respect for women and a brain.

Creameggkr · 01/04/2013 09:28

Neither is mine country but then again we are probably deluded aren't we?
Thanks for the vote of sanity btw Grin

RatPants · 01/04/2013 09:35

On a personal level, it blurs the boundaries of faithfulness for me. If my husband decided to start going to strip clubs it would make me think less of him and less of our relationship and the next time an attractive man paid me attention on a night out I might feel less inclined to tell him where to go. It'd be quite a damaging thing for us I think. It starts you off down a road there is no need to go down.