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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DH is a patronising tosser?

188 replies

Mawgatron · 21/02/2013 07:43

I'm pregnant and on half term. I have always had a sweet tooth, but not excessively. I've always hd a healthy weight, way within normal bmi, eat regular, home cooked healthy meals etc

On Monday, popped into school to pick some stuff up. Immediately he starts rummaging in my classroom for sweets. Found a single double decker that had been sitting there for a fortnight.

Yesterday, a friend came over to watch movies for the day. She bought pic n mix which we barely touched, and had a can of lilt with lunch (which I probably have once each school holiday.) he had a massive go at me last night, then apologised.

This morning, he has printed off 20 pages of bullshit from 'the natural pregnancy website' about how horrendous sugar is, and left them where he knew I would sit and drink my tea in the morning.

Aibu to wish he would piss off? I know he is trying to look out for me but he is really winding me up...

OP posts:

pictish · 21/02/2013 10:53

And what YOU eat while you feed.
And...and...and....

On and on. Daddy knows best. Apparently.

Sugarice · 21/02/2013 11:01

Blimey OP, does he nag you over other things too.

When are you due?

ovenchips · 21/02/2013 11:16

Spero. That was your experience then but on this thread, which is the one I have posted on, I have not been rude or hurled abuse and have no intention of doing that to the OP, you or anyone else really.

I asked a question (after checking no-one else had raised it) about the use of a word that I assumed was unacceptable to use on Mumsnet. I asked the question because I did not know whether the OP was using it knowingly or not.

I am not trying to derail a thread but I'm afraid if I see that word used or others of its ilk, I am going to point out its unacceptability if no-one else has. I do honestly think it's important, even in the light of the OP describing a dreadful situation.

Right, have said my piece and promise I won't be punctuating the flow of the thread with anything more from me!

Original poster

Mawgatron · 21/02/2013 11:25

ovenchips, apologies for offending you. I have a filthy mouth at the best of times, and it was not my intention to upset anyone. And it is a horrible thing to say about him, I was just upset and being hurtful.

Due in june, little way to go. And he does have redeeming qualities, otherwise I wouldnt have married him. I just get fed up of telling him to stop telling me what to do and needed a little bit of validation. you would think after all this time of me ignoring his 'advice', that he would realise that it is not going to change my behaviour!

It makes me feel like I want to be a child and run off to eat a shit load of sweets just to spite him. Grrr.

OP posts:

Ullena · 21/02/2013 11:27

Three options:

Kick him out for being a controlling fecker/abusive twunt...
Have him sectioned in order to allow his obvious unhealthy obsession with diet/control to be managed by professionals...
Both of the above...

Sugarice · 21/02/2013 11:34

He does deserve a massive kick up the arse for hectoring you.

Remind him that if you stopped eating everything that contained sugar you'd be on a hugely restricted diet, it's in everything!

I hope he stops being an idiot and listens to you.

ovenchips · 21/02/2013 11:34

Mawgatron, thank you.

TheBigJessie · 21/02/2013 11:48

Stupid article on a stupidly named site. If my husband had given this to me when I was pregnant, I would have divorced him on the spot for nutritional ignorance. I'm deadly serious. I couldn't respect him any more as a person, and certainly not for speaking down to me.

300 calories during the second and third trimester, which should consist of high quality protein, vitamins and minerals

So, how does that work, then? There's some calories in protein, but there ain't in vitamins and minerals!

You know where you get those calories, that you need? Lipids (fat) and carbohydrate.

because your body is literally building another human being. If you are not eating the proper nutrients to build a little human being?s bones, blood, fingernails and hair

Yep, that little fetus is growing, which means its cells are constantly subdividing. Which means the mother's body needs sufficient supplies of the three important macromolecules: lipids, carbohydrate, and protein. Lipids, for example, are essential to build each of those shiny new cells, quite apart from their calorie content. Every single cell needs fat, in order to form its cell membrane!

If you're only eating additional protein, vitamins and minerals, that's not enough.

diddl · 21/02/2013 11:58

You shouldn´t have to keep telling him to stop telling you what to do though.

Why does he do it?

diddl · 21/02/2013 12:00

Also, looking back at OP-he has apologised, but still thinks that he is right?

I mean seriously-searching your workplace for sweets-words fail me.

I'd be ashamed of him & lose all respect tbh.

AThingInYourLife · 21/02/2013 12:11

Stupid and controlling.

I guess it's better than clever and controlling... but not much.

Bunfags · 21/02/2013 12:18

Crikey OP. He's lucky that he's still capable of fathering children after a stunt like that! I sincerely hope you told him where to stick that 20 page print out!

Spero · 21/02/2013 13:31

As I have said, I do admire your attitude. But I do hope that his redeeming features are going to kick in after birth.

I really do strongly advise that you sit down and talk about this seriously with him - don't just brush it off as him being a 'tosser'.

There are going to be a thousand and one new things he may feel he can lecture harrass you about, as has already been pointed out - feeding, sleeping, clothing, nap times, education, socialising etc, etc, etc.

If you can't now set the ground rules that you are a couple and you DISCUSS things, not go rummaging through the other's work space, not having 'massive goes' at one another, not foisting garbage from dubious websites on each other... then the problems are only going to get worse.

I will give him the benefit of the doubt and assume his protective instincts are kicking in but just a rubbish, overbearing and abusive way.

But I would be very interested as to how receptive he is to your wishing to sit down and have a proper conversation about this, along the lines that he has got to rein himself in and behave like a respectful grown up about all of this.

I appreciate these are potentially stressful times, but the stress is not going to lessen once the baby is here.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 21/02/2013 14:03

Great post Spero.

OP - I think it is really important that you don't just brush this off as being an annoying personality trait. The fact that he felt at liberty to come and start rummaging around in your workplace speaks volumes. He thinks he is the boss and that he has a right to try to dictate your behaviour.
You need to acknowledge to yourself just how far from normal his behaviour is, and you need to ask him to alter it.

MamaOgg · 21/02/2013 14:18

Ummmm. Later on in pregnancy if I was worried about baby's lack of movement my midwife recommended a sugary treat and a cold drink. A handful of skittles always made baby wiggle. Grown ups tend to discuss their concerns not patrol each others habits Your DH does sound veeeeeeery controlling. Good luck.

FunnysInLaJardin · 21/02/2013 14:25

what a total arse. I would have ripped out DH's heart and eaten it on toast if he had said that to me

EuroShaggleton · 21/02/2013 14:30

It has all been said already so I will keep it short and sweet (ironic):

What a nasty, controlling tvvat.

FunnysInLaJardin · 21/02/2013 14:31

read the article you posted Mawg What a load of self satified bollocks that was. 'Ideally just eat raw food and lean proteins' Fuck that

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 21/02/2013 14:38

How about printing out 20 pages of why women divorce men and leave it for him, or either that a divorce lawyers card, that'll shit him up.

midastouch · 21/02/2013 14:43

YANBU!!!! I second Go get a bag of sugar and a serving spoon and sit an eat it next to him I ate far too much sweet stuff when pregnant with dd i dont think dp dared to comment, he got a healthy 8lb 2 baby.

aberjen · 21/02/2013 14:48

YANBU

DP spotted the nutritional information on a (one-off, just fancied it) ready meal I ate recently and started lecturing me about the salt, calorie and fat content and what it might do to our unborn child. This was whilst he was drinking a beer and heading outside for a cigarette. Needless to say I didn't take it well. He actually backed down - unheard of! Hasn't happened since

emblosion · 21/02/2013 14:51

Good grief. My dh would be taking his life in his hands if he did that!

Tear up the sodding 20 pages and feed them to him. Then tell him to feck off and have some chocolate!

AsphyxiaXIX · 21/02/2013 14:54

I think the short and direct approach would be the most appropriate here. Do not kick off. Simply sit down with him and ask him whether he thinks you would put your unborn baby at risk. Say nothing else, wait for response. He will have to say no, of course. Then ask him whether you are a generally sensible, intelligent person who can make decisions about her own health. Again, he will have to say yes. Then tell him that you really do not appreciate nagging, that it is unattractive and unmasculine and makes him come across as a whingey control freak. Tell him if he does it again, you will take it is a personal insult and as an insinuation that you are stupid and a bad mother. Say all of this in a very calm and quiet voice. Then get up and go and do something else. I bet you he will not criticise you again - he has already admitted to himself that he is in the wrong.

Whatever you do don't shout and swear or purposely go and eat a load of sugar, or he will just think his point of view has been validated and that you are being ridiculous and need his input (which you don't).

nickelbabe · 21/02/2013 14:57

Your DH is being a total cunt.
He should know that you can't talk to a pregnant woman like that.
He should also know that as an adult, you are perfectly capable of auditing your own diet, and that a little bit of anything is fine.

Plus, it took you a fortnight to eat a chocolate bar?! what the hell is wrong with you?!

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 21/02/2013 15:15

Plus, it took you a fortnight to eat a chocolate bar?! what the hell is wrong with you?!

^This, seriously wouldnt have last seconds with me around, i loves double deckers.

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