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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is a patronising tosser?

188 replies

Mawgatron · 21/02/2013 07:43

I'm pregnant and on half term. I have always had a sweet tooth, but not excessively. I've always hd a healthy weight, way within normal bmi, eat regular, home cooked healthy meals etc

On Monday, popped into school to pick some stuff up. Immediately he starts rummaging in my classroom for sweets. Found a single double decker that had been sitting there for a fortnight.

Yesterday, a friend came over to watch movies for the day. She bought pic n mix which we barely touched, and had a can of lilt with lunch (which I probably have once each school holiday.) he had a massive go at me last night, then apologised.

This morning, he has printed off 20 pages of bullshit from 'the natural pregnancy website' about how horrendous sugar is, and left them where he knew I would sit and drink my tea in the morning.

Aibu to wish he would piss off? I know he is trying to look out for me but he is really winding me up...

OP posts:
Littleturkish · 21/02/2013 18:40

He isn't going to change, though, is he?

Six and a half years, he is telling you what he is like- listen.

He isn't going to change. He's a twat.

RememberingMyPFEs · 21/02/2013 19:46

Ovenchips - I had always assumed it meant fucking bastard and I did nod the wink at the fact I would get a Flaming for saying it but someone asked the question.
As for your interpretation of the word I've never heard that and am Shock that anyone would think it tbh.

pictish · 21/02/2013 19:47

I had always thought of it as fucking bastard as well. In fact...am I not right? I'm sure I am.

diddl · 21/02/2013 19:52

Thing is though, I think the way you pronounce it, it doesn't (to me anyway) sound like the "tard" from bastard iyswim.

RememberingMyPFEs · 21/02/2013 19:57

I have checked urban dictionary. Ovenchips is right. I'm sorry for offending and for de-railing the thread in answering the question.
As you were.

AnyFucker · 21/02/2013 20:03

Let the .tard thing go now, yeah

OP needs support. Even if she thinks she doesn't.

nickelbabe · 21/02/2013 20:23

true af
I keep getting alarm bells.

OHforDUCKScake · 21/02/2013 20:39

OP you dont seem half as bothered about this as you should be.

Forget about the sugar issue for the moment, going through your things to check what you're eating? Taking note if everything that goes into your mouth? This is very veru concerning. Weirdly controlling to start with, but also WHY is he worrying about this? For your sake, or the babys?

If its the former, than perhaps its misguided and over keen worry for you. (?)
If its worry for the baby then Jesus H Christ, wtf will he be like when the child is born? Will he be questioning everything thing you put in the babys mouth? Bf v ff? How he/she sleeps, is settled, when hes changed, goes out, has vaccines, gets his first bump on his head etc etc etc...?

diddl · 21/02/2013 20:43

If you´re worried, don´t you sit down & talk to someone rather than just hand them printed off stuff?

It's his baby as well, & if he thinks that OP is eating too much sugar-he can say so, surely?

But checking for stuff?-no way!

Spero · 21/02/2013 22:10

It's weird that you have done the same to him that he did to you - just expected him to read a whole chunk of stuff without discussion. But not just some slightly bonkers website - pages and pages of people saying what a tosser he is.

This will not end well.

I second AF - change your name and password and comeback in June. As neither of you seem to be able to communicate healthily or respectfully, I think you will need a lot more support when your baby is here.

AnyFucker · 21/02/2013 22:21

spero you have been the voice of absolute common sense on this thread

OP, your husband is a dick

stop giggling about it, inviting derision from randomers like us, and sort it out (including yourself)

NotSoNervous · 21/02/2013 22:24

If my DP did that to me I would have brought the biggest chocolate cake I could get my fat hands on and took a spoon shovel to it whilst sitting right I'm front of him. Then if he said something I would have told him wear to get off

Spero · 21/02/2013 22:46

Thanks AF but I think lots of others are saying the same....

Maybe its the boiling a frog scenario. The op has been dealing with this for so long she just can't see how weird and unpleasant this whole thing is. My worry is the dynamic shifts mightily when a baby is involved and it is a whole new ball game.

If your relationship dynamic is this skewed before the baby, I do shudder to think what it will be like after. And I am not being melodramatic. I, and I bet many other people on this thread, can give vivid and horrible witness to how fucked up an already bad relationship can get after a baby.

AnyFucker · 21/02/2013 22:49

Indeed

AThingInYourLife · 22/02/2013 07:56

"It's his baby as well, & if he thinks that OP is eating too much sugar-he can say so, surely?"

That depends on whether he sees her as a person or an incubator.

mameulah · 22/02/2013 08:05

If my DH had said that I would have cried, and cried and cried......

Being pregnant is the hardest work I have ever done, physically and emotionally. If he can't offer you anything other than his FULL support then he is causing you and the baby a heap of stress that you just don't need.

pictish · 22/02/2013 08:23

That's right Spero.

TheFallenNinja · 22/02/2013 08:25

Schoolboy error.

Original poster
Mawgatron · 22/02/2013 08:45

I have since unlinked it. It was only on his fb for about an hour, as a comment under the patronising link he posted to the article. I know it was for for tat, but I wanted to remind him about why he shouldn't post things publicly about me.

I think the reason I am blasé about it is that he does have a lot of redeeming qualities, and I do love him. He doesn't mean to be a dick, he just doesn't think before he speaks. He acts like he is right about everything, and I wanted him to see that actually, most people think that he is wrong. I will talk to him sensibly today. Can't risk arguing as it will make a long car journey miserable...

OP posts:
Original poster
Mawgatron · 22/02/2013 08:46

Grrr. Tit for tat...

OP posts:
Spero · 22/02/2013 08:48

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind eh?

And now you can't talk about it because it will make a car journey unbearable.

O god. This all sounds so familiar.

Don't be afraid to come back.

pictish · 22/02/2013 08:49

Yes OP - you know where we are if you need us xxx

OHforDUCKScake · 22/02/2013 08:56

Good luck with the baby OP. I really hope I was wrong up thread, but if not MN is a great place for support.

Sugarice · 22/02/2013 09:01

He acts like he is right about everything
Can't risk arguing as it will make a long car journey miserable

OP read those two sentences back and think about it.

Original poster
Mawgatron · 22/02/2013 09:05

I meant we will talk about it without arguing! We will be able to do that now the dust has settled from yesterday.

OP posts:
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