To think DH is a patronising tosser?

[Mawgatron]

I'm pregnant and on half term. I have always had a sweet tooth, but not excessively. I've always hd a healthy weight, way within normal bmi, eat regular, home cooked healthy meals etc

On Monday, popped into school to pick some stuff up. Immediately he starts rummaging in my classroom for sweets. Found a single double decker that had been sitting there for a fortnight.

Yesterday, a friend came over to watch movies for the day. She bought pic n mix which we barely touched, and had a can of lilt with lunch (which I probably have once each school holiday.) he had a massive go at me last night, then apologised.

This morning, he has printed off 20 pages of bullshit from 'the natural pregnancy website' about how horrendous sugar is, and left them where he knew I would sit and drink my tea in the morning.

Aibu to wish he would piss off? I know he is trying to look out for me but he is really winding me up...

But also, thanks for all your support ladies, it has been really good to have you all to let off steam to...

Are you the same person as Megatron, OP? only that might make his actions a tiny bit more understandable. He's still being an arse though.

holla?

But its the risk of arguing that worries me. I am not naive enough to think that it is always sweetness and light with couples - sometimes you snap, speak hastily etc.

But this is something so big, so fundamental to the rest of your lives. Even if you split up you remain parents.

I am just sad that you cannot sit down and say - we love each other, we will love our baby, lets talk about anything that is stressing us and find a way forward together?

Sadly, I only ever deal with utterly broken couples. The one thing they all have in common is they can't communicate as equals or respect the others views. They- or more accurately one of them - are more keen on being 'right' at all costs.

I hope I am just very jaded and cynical. But I have had too many car journeys of misery, too much storming out and sulking when I tried to talk about stuff to feel sanguine about the situations you describe.

A bit off the main point but really, if he wants to be right he needs to learn how to do better research!

If his sense of self is built from grabbing random claims from the Internet, he must be a very confused person.

You could take him to a MW appointment so he can ask their advice on anything that concerns him. That would be a normal, co-operative thing to do.

(Or he could tell them all their training is wrong because someone of whose qualifications he knows nothing said something that appealed to him on a web-site).

I think you need to separate the two issues you mentioned

'he doesn't think before he speaks' -- okay, lots of people do that. It's not necessarily the end of the world, if they are then capable of going back and apologising if they've spoken badly or are mistaken.

But I don't see that as the problem here. Searching your classroom, printing off websites for you -- that's not just speaking too quickly. Indeed there is a lot of thinking that goes into that.

The real problem is he always thinks he's right. Which means you, by default, must always be wrong, unless you agree with him. That is nasty and controlling behaviour.

You've really got to address this head on before the baby comes. A three-hour car journey is nothing compared to the misery of having this argument on top of sleep deprivation, cluster feeding and all the other exhausting aspects of newborn life.

I just read the OP to my OH, who is a master of understatement, his eyebrows rose to the ceiling, he breathed through his teeth and said, "He could be handling that so much better, Can he still walk?" Says it all really.
In fact that attitude would cause defiance in me and he'd come home to find me swigging fizzy vimto from the neck of the bottle whilst tucking into a giant bar of galaxy. My Oh knows me well enough to know this too X

Wanting you to eat a good diet so that you feel your best during pregnancy - fine. Controlling what you're eating, raiding your classroom, and printing off shit for you to read - not okay.

Agree with what others have said about making him aware of the fact you use MN, think you've made a mistake there. Knew I used this site, tracked down my posts, set up a screen name to post... Yeah. Mistake. It meant the first time he was violent to me, I couldn't post here and get the support I could have done with to leave him then, and instead walked on egg shells until it happened again.

Trust what has been said here. This is about way much more than a bit of sugar.

Well, next time wrap your chocs in a copy of Diva.

I think the thing that comes to me is ownership. I have been to DH's place of work and he has been to mine. I treat his place of work with incredible respect and ditto him. We behave well, are nice to coworkers and wouldn't rummage in each others office drawers. It is incredibly disrespectful. To you, your job, your confidentiality, your pupils. It smacks of 'I own you and get to be involved in everything to do with you'.

Any particular reasob for digging up this thread, BlissfullyIgnorant?

Oh bugger, zombie thread.