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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is a patronising tosser?

188 replies

Mawgatron · 21/02/2013 07:43

I'm pregnant and on half term. I have always had a sweet tooth, but not excessively. I've always hd a healthy weight, way within normal bmi, eat regular, home cooked healthy meals etc

On Monday, popped into school to pick some stuff up. Immediately he starts rummaging in my classroom for sweets. Found a single double decker that had been sitting there for a fortnight.

Yesterday, a friend came over to watch movies for the day. She bought pic n mix which we barely touched, and had a can of lilt with lunch (which I probably have once each school holiday.) he had a massive go at me last night, then apologised.

This morning, he has printed off 20 pages of bullshit from 'the natural pregnancy website' about how horrendous sugar is, and left them where he knew I would sit and drink my tea in the morning.

Aibu to wish he would piss off? I know he is trying to look out for me but he is really winding me up...

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/02/2013 08:30

I predict bad times ahead for you

And despite the "you go, sister" vibe to this thread, you will be back here again with examples of his escalating controlling and browbeating behaviour

You are more vulnerable than you have ever been now, I am afraid

I think it was a mistake to link him to this thread

Bejeena · 21/02/2013 08:39

he has printed off 20 pages of bullshit from 'the natural pregnancy website'

Seriously I would be reminding him of the impact of using paper unecessarily and the effects on the environment. If every expectant Dad acted like that there would be literally no planet left for our little babies to grow up into.

Luckily mine would never have the nerve to comment on anything I eat or drink (well ok if I sat down tonight with a big chunk of brie, pate & crackers with a large glass of vino he might express a bit of concern) he knows full well I eat a lot less rubbish than him. But our diet is pretty healthy most of the time anyway.

Spero · 21/02/2013 08:43

My ex was a bit like this. Note the 'ex'.

If he has been like this for six years, he won't change. It will get worse and you will be very vulnerable with a new born.

You do sound a bit bizarrely upbeat about this. If he behaves like this when you have a baby in the mix it could be very horrible.

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 21/02/2013 08:44

If you have a pet, i'd used all 20 pages for it, and say to him, Oh thanks for the paper this morning, it was perfect for the lining pets cage/bed

Original poster
Mawgatron · 21/02/2013 08:51

Here's the link, in case any of you wanted to see how shit you have all been by eating sugar when you were preggo:
pregnancy.amuchbetterway.com/sugar-and-pregnancy/

OP posts:
HecateWhoopass · 21/02/2013 08:58

I've got one for HIM

HecateWhoopass · 21/02/2013 09:05

It's concerning that you are nothing more than the vessel for his son and how you feel doesn't appear to matter.

When most fathers to be are spoiling their partner with foot rubs and fetching and carrying and getting excited and cuddling up with a hand over your stomach to feel the baby kick - he's there chucking 20 pages of crap about how a single grain of sugar will make your baby have two heads and constantly digging at you.

It's really awful.

NeverWinsMNComps · 21/02/2013 09:11

Good lord! Both of my children are composed almost entirely of lucozade. It was the only thing I could keep down in pregnancy. Your body will tell you what it needs and build the baby accordingly, just as women's bodies have been doing for years.

As for the checking up on you... He's not sounding like much of a prize there. Would he be content for you to follow around after him, finding bits to criticize?

Spero · 21/02/2013 09:14

Just skimmed that article. This bit jumped out 'nothing short of poison, poison, poison, poison'.

So nicely balanced article.

Spero · 21/02/2013 09:17

I had horrendous morning sickness for 3 months. About the only think I could tolerate was frozen cappuccinos. The nutritional value of that probably zero but at least it kept me hydrated.

Of course it would be better not to eat 12 doughnuts a day ... But you are not doing that! Agree with Hecate that stress during pregnancy is a far bigger risk to baby than a twix and some Harribo daily.

oscarwilde · 21/02/2013 09:19

Hmm - my DH is an exercise and healthy organic food nut and he never pulled anything like this. He doesn't look too impressed generally if he sees me eating crap so I eat it when he's not around

Besides, modern medical opinion is that unless there is a strong history of severe allergies in the family you should be actively consuming a wide range of foodstuffs in moderation during pregnancy. Imagine a child who is allergic to Haribo. Social death Grin

Still - now he can make you a packed lunch and two healthy snacks to take to work every day for the next X months. I'd write him a diet and menu plan that you'd like to follow if I were you and head for the tuck shop for a treat every once in a while

ivanapoo · 21/02/2013 09:19

Just read that link and as a serial cake eater would like to add:

Never came close to having GD
DS was a completely normal size at birth
Now he is here he is thriving and happy, so am I
8 weeks on I weigh the same as I did before getting pregnant (bmi 22)

SUSSED

redwellybluewelly · 21/02/2013 09:19

Holy fuck - this is nasty nasty behaviour

Sod being a supportive birth partner, do you really think he will be anything other than a major thorn in your side dictating to you what you can and cannot do with your son?

And heaven forbid your son sees this as the 'right' way to behave. jees.

phoenixrose314 · 21/02/2013 09:24

I have a story! Am currently 37+2, a healthy weight and BMI, put on a few kilos but nothing more than baby and a little layer of fat to keep baby safe. However, I was so anxious about putting on weight during my first two trimesters, I hardly changed my diet at all, ignoring cravings and generally wound up making myself feel ill.

At 28 week midwife appointment I got hauled over the coals for having very low blood pressure, got severely told off for my blood sugar levels and told that I needed to drink more fruit juices and listen to my body because when it tells me I am craving something, I should listen. When I craved red meat at 11 weeks, it was because my body needed more iron. When I craved oranges at 16 weeks, it was because my body needed Vitamin C. When I craved ice cream, it was because I was eating less than half of wat is recommended dairy for a pregnant woman and my body was trying to tell me!

I ate chocolate over Christmas, have ice cream at least once a week for dessert, drink fruit juice for natural sugars every day, and you know what? I have a healthy and happy baby. My DH has occasionally raised an eyebrow at what I have eaten, or how much I have eaten, but at my stage of pregnancy I need to be eating between 300-500 cals more than I would have done pre-preg - it's not an excuse to eat crap, but if I feel like I need to be eating more then I bloody well will. I trust in what my body is trying to tell me more than my DH, or any article, or doctor, can tell me.

Trust in YOUR BODY and you cannot go wrong. Every pregnancy is different. You are doing fabulously and your hubby should be stood by watching in AMAZEMENT and AWE at the marvellous thing his wife and her body are doing.

plantsitter · 21/02/2013 09:27

Not sure who thought having a belipsticked woman giving her sugar-coated finger a blowjob was a good picture for that article.

Time for a serious chat, OP. If he can't trust you with your own body he is not going to be great when it comes to your and his baby's. You need to tell hm how this ridiculous behaviour makes you feel and he needs to know it's completely unacceptable. My DH thinks he knows everything and he wouldn't dare pull a stunt like this.

TheSkiingGardener · 21/02/2013 09:32

Is there a link somewhere to a "how to recognise a controlling, abusive arsehole" article. I think you need to post that to his wall!

CartedOff · 21/02/2013 09:34

I'm not saying this to be a dick or anything, but if he's been like this for 6.5 years surely it's only going to get worse from now on? It doesn't sound like his attitude is going to change at all.

worldgonecrazy · 21/02/2013 09:39

This isn't about sugar is it? It's about his behaviour, which is out of order, and is a huge red flag.

If he wants to be supportive, instead of controlling, he should be making you meals, doing the shopping, doing foot rubs, working out how he can support you after your child is born, googling for bf support groups, etc. Maybe even printed off the stuff and then asked to discuss it with you. Leaving it somewhere that he knows you will see it is just passive aggresive behaviour.

Cravings in pregnancy are your bodies way of telling you that it needs something and should be listened to. At various points in my pregnancy I craved fresh orange juice, chocolate milk shakes, and in the last two months, Dr. Pepper. They're all quite high in sugar but it was what my body needed.

xigris · 21/02/2013 09:42

YANBU with bells on!!! I wouldn't normally advise violence but I think I slap is called for. Grin

ovenchips · 21/02/2013 09:43

YANBU. Awful and actually worrying behaviour on your h's part.

By the way, did you know fucktard is an offensive term?

coffeeinbed · 21/02/2013 09:44

Next time he's pregnant he can do things his way!.

bringbacksideburns · 21/02/2013 09:46

Is he an exquisite example of male fitness at all times?
Does he have the face of Johnny Depp and all his own hair?
Is he having this baby?
Is he treating you like a child? Yup.

pictish · 21/02/2013 09:46

Gosh yes...show him this thread and he'll show you a thread full of stupid women on a parenting site, that don't know as much as him about being pregnant! Grin

He sounds utterlky dreadful. Overbearing, controlling and self satisfied. The big I AM.

tallwivglasses · 21/02/2013 09:47

Mr mawg, do you have a huge, golden willy? because I for one can't see why else your wife would want to stay with you...

LaurieFairyCake · 21/02/2013 09:49

If he's always been like that what on earth were you thinking of staying with him and getting pregnant Confused

You're responsible for your own life - choose better! You don't have to stay with someone who's trying to control you.

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