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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is a patronising tosser?

188 replies

Mawgatron · 21/02/2013 07:43

I'm pregnant and on half term. I have always had a sweet tooth, but not excessively. I've always hd a healthy weight, way within normal bmi, eat regular, home cooked healthy meals etc

On Monday, popped into school to pick some stuff up. Immediately he starts rummaging in my classroom for sweets. Found a single double decker that had been sitting there for a fortnight.

Yesterday, a friend came over to watch movies for the day. She bought pic n mix which we barely touched, and had a can of lilt with lunch (which I probably have once each school holiday.) he had a massive go at me last night, then apologised.

This morning, he has printed off 20 pages of bullshit from 'the natural pregnancy website' about how horrendous sugar is, and left them where he knew I would sit and drink my tea in the morning.

Aibu to wish he would piss off? I know he is trying to look out for me but he is really winding me up...

OP posts:
TheSkiingGardener · 21/02/2013 15:56

Can we all get together and send the OP a HUGE parcel of chocolate and other things containing sugar?

RememberingMyPFEs · 21/02/2013 16:40

I know it upsets overchips but I'd agree with the word you used!!
I'm 17+2 today and trying to balance what I'm craving with by starting BMI of 30 cos I wantwantwant a water birth. DH jokes how much bigger I am than Kate Middleton but I'm 5'1" to her statuesque skinny starting point. If he tried to pull that sh!t he'd have got short shrift!! The biggest thing he is pushing me on is reducing the number of days I'm in the office as its 2.5-3 hour each way and even then I've just told him I'm not stupid...
You need to have a BIG chat with him about trust and respect.
Good luck Thanks

nickelbabe · 21/02/2013 16:58

what was the word?
i assumed it was a disabled term, as it was the only type of word that i can think of that no one here would accept

Spoonful · 21/02/2013 17:02

Does he have an eating disorder?

LaQueen · 21/02/2013 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RememberingMyPFEs · 21/02/2013 17:11

Nickelbabe. At the risk of a flaming, the word was Fucktard.

signorapacino · 21/02/2013 17:13

I have a friend who left her husband for this. He was like it with her when before she had kids and then became the food police for the kids when they came along too. He was so unreasonable wanting them to all et perfectly. He on the other hand drank like a fish that was the irony for me. It wasn't the only reason for marriage breakdown but did seem to cause a good percentage of their arguments.

nickelbabe · 21/02/2013 17:15

ah, so, yes as i suspected, but with a swearword added in.
thank you PFEs

LaQueen · 21/02/2013 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lottiegarbanzo · 21/02/2013 17:24

I can understand first time parents being very cautious about everything and choosing to cut out alcohol and caffeine completely, for example. I can see how reading something suggesting sugar is bad might ring alarm bells - prompting further research to find out if credible sources support the claim that it's a problem and if so to what extent.

But, but, but, all of that comes about through shared concern and discussion and the woman, who can feel what's going on with her body, fine tuning her choices in practice.

If you haven't agreed with him that you are concerned about your diet and need more information about it, or if, in introducing information he's found he isn't doing so sensitively and spportively, then he's deliberately banging his head on a brick wall really isn't he. Trying to bully you and behaving as if he owns you, the vessel of his offspring's nurture, is hardly going to persuade you of anything. Does he usually lack social skills and resort to bullying?

FWIW my pregnancy and BFing diet consisted of our normal, healthy, home-cooked diet, plus copious quantities of cake and other sweet food. It was interesting, quite enjoyable and DP found it rather funny. I don't normally have much of a sweet tooth. I showed exemplary good health throughout, as does dd.

ovenchips · 21/02/2013 17:25

Remembering referring to the word like that displays a level of ignorance I am sure you don't actually possess.

I object to the use of the word 'fucktard' not because it is a personal peeve I have, it is nothing about me. I object because it is generally accepted to be a contraction of 'fucking retard'. Which I hope you can see is an unacceptable phrase.

Use of either is not allowed on mumsnet because it is disablist.

I am sure it would not be okay with you to use a qqacrass, offensive racist term or refer to it tongue-in-cheek as you have in your post. It's the same principle here and I hope you can see that.

nickelbabe · 21/02/2013 17:36

yes, I do understand ovenchips - i do totally agree with you that it's a horrible, disgusting word.
But I didn't know what the word was, and I just couldn't imagine a word that would be so bad that MN wouldn't use it, and thought that the only unacceptable words are disablist.

she was saying "at the risk of a flaming" because she knew that quoting it would cause offence.
(might have been better in a PM)

talkingnonsense · 21/02/2013 17:38

Please note that some people use fucktard to mean fucking bastard and are unaware of its disabilist meaning. I don't believe the op realised it was disabilist, and that is why her apology is for swearing. It is neccessary to be explicit when explaining, as I think pees pointed out. Ovenchips was not cleat with her original question, as she obviously assumed the op knew the meaning she knew. i am sure the op was not being disabilist. Sorry for derailing.

ovenchips · 21/02/2013 17:43

Nickelbabe, sorry think we have crossed wires, my post was only referring to Remembering's post of 16.40 where she said 'I know it upsets ovenchips but I'd agree with the word you used!!'

Original poster
Mawgatron · 21/02/2013 17:45

I didn't actually realise it meant that, then when people took offence I looked it up and was a little bit mortified Blush

I am a bit of a staunch liberal, and would never intentionally be disablist. Sorry all, totally inappropriate.

It's really nice and tense in my house right now. Luckily I'm off for a night out (shame I won't be able to indulge in the 241 cocktails like everyone else), so DH can stew for the evening. Looking forward to the three hours in the car we have to spend together tomorrow...

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 21/02/2013 17:47

I was in the fucking bastard camp too but thanks to Urban Dictionary (who knew?) I see what ovenchips means now

Turniphead1 · 21/02/2013 17:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

EuroShaggleton · 21/02/2013 17:52

There is a quote from Friends that you might find handy OP. It is pithy and to the point:

"No uterus, no opinion."

Bearbehind · 21/02/2013 17:59

Hope you enjoy your night magwatron and have a sickly sweet non- alcoholic cocktail instead.

What has you DH (never has my original thought that this meant Dick Head been so apt) said about this thread?

Turniphead1 · 21/02/2013 18:00

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
Mawgatron · 21/02/2013 18:03

Started reading it, then refused to continue reading "a load of random women calling him a cunt". Going to 'encourage' him to read it so that he realises that he is the only one that thinks his actions weren't that unreasonable.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/02/2013 18:07

You are making a mistake in flagging up MN to him as a potential source of support in the future for you.

At least name change and change your password if you insist on handing him even more weapons to hurt you with.

Spero · 21/02/2013 18:18

Why are you keen for him to read this? I would be pretty hacked off being asked to read what random strangers said about just one side of the story. Even if I knew deep down my behaviour was wrong, it would rankle to feel I didn't have a voice.

You have to both honestly talk to one another. This is a fine place to vent but its a pretty piss poor way to try and settle an argument or an issue between you.

Are you going to talk about this, just you and him?

Bearbehind · 21/02/2013 18:38

TBH I was a bit Shock when OP said she had linked to this thread on his Facebook page.

He is being an arse but I'm pretty sure if I did the same to my husband over something he thought he was right about, we'd end up divorced as it is a pretty hard thing to come back from.

Posting anonymously on here is one thing but putting it on his Facebook page for all his friends to see is pretty unforgiveable IMO. It's so public.

It is going to make any conversation about resolving the original issue a whole lot harder than it would have been and it was never going to be easy.

pictish · 21/02/2013 18:39

I didn't know fucktard meant that either.

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