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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its not my job to teach my child to read and write?

217 replies

2beornot · 15/10/2012 20:32

I don't have the first idea in how to teach children to read and once my dd has started school I will support her learning. Teachers have spent time training and learning the best way for children to learn, shouldn't I let them go the job they're qualified for.

Until she had started school I am not going to try to get her to read. I believe that my job is to build her enthusiasm for learning, enjoying books etc. I'll point out letters and numbers, when we doodle I draw the first letter of her name and say 'Luh for Lexi' for example. But I don't think it's my job to go further than that.

Am I being unreasonable? Do schools expect that I will have taught her before she starts?

OP posts:
Megatron · 15/10/2012 20:34

What do you mean it's not your 'job'? Can't you also help your child to learn as well as teachers. I never get this attitude tbh.

DolomitesDonkey · 15/10/2012 20:34

Yabu to take such little interest in the development of your child.

HumphreyCobbler · 15/10/2012 20:35

schools do not expect it
just keep on doing what you are doing (except say lllll for Lexi, there is no uh sound on the end Grin).

FermezLaBouche · 15/10/2012 20:35

They don't expect it, but I think many children do start with an advantage when a relative has taught them bits at home.
Whether it's your "job" or not, you sound quite resentful - no-one's going to force you to help your child read and write, but wouldn't you want to support her in every way you can?

whois · 15/10/2012 20:36

You don't have to 'teach' her how to read fluently but you should have a bit more of a supportive and enthusiastic attitude. And if she does struggle at school it unfortunately will fall to you to help her at home.

hermioneweasley · 15/10/2012 20:37

I assume this is a reverse AIBU

Meglet · 15/10/2012 20:37

well, yabu.

I wanted my DC's to get a head start so spent time teaching them their letters, phonics and first words. I'll teach them as much as I can, the teachers do the structured stuff.

mumblechum1 · 15/10/2012 20:37

Hmm, DS was reading before he started school because he kept asking what the words said when I was reading him stories etc. It wasn't my job to teach him, but I wouldn't have refused to do so just because of that.

catgirl1976 · 15/10/2012 20:37

YABVVVU

Of course it is "your job".

Why would you not want to help your child learn and develop?

Hmm
OwedToAutumn · 15/10/2012 20:38

You don't need to teach her anything formal.

Read her lots of books, and encourage wonderful artwork, etc. Talk to her about how things work.

nailak · 15/10/2012 20:38

please dont say luh for lexie! say Lll as it will make it harder for her once she gets in to school to re learn the correct phonics.

As a parent I believe it is my job to learn about child development, and the way children learn and facilitate that.

GwendolineScaryLacey · 15/10/2012 20:39

DD1 is 7 weeks into reception and already I can see the building blocks of reading being put into place. It's fascinating how much she's taking in, how many letters and letter sounds she recognises already. She was never particularly bothered about trying to read before she started and could just about write her name.

Yes they're better trained than me, but I'm really enjoying doing what I can to support that learning. It's a whole new world opening up to her.

LindyHemming · 15/10/2012 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

monsterchild · 15/10/2012 20:41

I learned how to read because my parents read to me. they don't have any special child development skills, but they read to me, and when i could read they expected me to do it. They would talk to me about my books and that helped me read more.

YABU to think what you are doing isn't helping, because it IS teaching your child to read.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 15/10/2012 20:41

No, there is an 'uh' in 'luh'! It's all phonetics now.

I asked at preschool if I should be helping dd's to read and was told no. They have their own method and they didn't really want any interference, was the impression I got, which is fair enough.

Dd1 is at school now and we have had a meeting to teach the parents how phonics works! I had never heard of some of the terms before. I wouldn't be able to teach it to the dd's if I tried.

Now I know what to expect I read with her at home and check her spellings with her and that's really all that's expected of us.

PumpkInDublic · 15/10/2012 20:41

If she's showing signs of being ready but you're not encouraging her as it's not "your job" YABVU.

Every child learns differently and at different times. If you're not open to seeing this and are simply waiting for school to start so the teacher can teach her you may be putting her at a disadvantage. When I helped out in reception most children could write their names and read a few words.

sooperdooper · 15/10/2012 20:42

I think that's a really odd attitude, if you're reading books with her why purposefully stop at a certain level, you sound really defensive about it not being your 'job'

Sirzy · 15/10/2012 20:43

Its your job to help your child develop and be enthusiastic about learning (as much as individual differences make possible of course)

I don't think a "the school will do it" attitude is good, but at the same time you don't need to sit down with them and force learning.

lottiegarbanzo · 15/10/2012 20:43

I missed the email with the job description, could you forward that? Btw, what's the holiday entitlement?

GrimAndHumourless · 15/10/2012 20:43

kinda with you OP - until you know which scheme school uses there's no point. eg Luh ain't neccessarily the right sound (more like Ull poss)

carry on developing an inquisitive curious child, use her senses to explore the world, support her in making and building relationships, offer challenges for her physically, use lots of words, offer opportunities to be creative, label up her boxes of toys - cookery, science, cars, to connect marks and meanings

our primary prefers the child to come to them maybe able to RECOGNISE their name, written down, but not to read or write

both my kids couldn't even write their name on entering reception, one was reading fluently by feb half term, the other by xmas, both writing well by easter

follow schools advice

FreakySnuckerCupidStunt · 15/10/2012 20:44

You don't have to 'teach' her to support her learning, as you said you're building her enthusiasm for learning and reading. Simply reading a book with a child is a going to help them with her literacy and her enthusiasm for reading.

Anniegetyourgun · 15/10/2012 20:44

"No, there is an 'uh' in 'luh'! It's all phonetics now. "

But but but... there isn't Confused

SirBoobAlot · 15/10/2012 20:44

YABU.

You're her parent. The teachers may be paid to teach her once she starts school, but its your role to help her on the way.

Why would you not want to? Confused

BessieMcBean · 15/10/2012 20:44

I wouldn't start unless she picks stuff up spontaneously.

My DS was v slow to read and it was bad enough for him struggling at school but if I had started pushing him before that it would have made it a much bigger deal.

I just read to him at bedtime.

halloweeneyqueeney · 15/10/2012 20:45

YABU, reading and writing is... like using a knife and fork, I don't understand how you can AVOID teaching it to a preschooler TBH because they are generally interested in that stuff before school