To think its not my job to teach my child to read and write?

[2beornot]

I don't have the first idea in how to teach children to read and once my dd has started school I will support her learning. Teachers have spent time training and learning the best way for children to learn, shouldn't I let them go the job they're qualified for.

Until she had started school I am not going to try to get her to read. I believe that my job is to build her enthusiasm for learning, enjoying books etc. I'll point out letters and numbers, when we doodle I draw the first letter of her name and say 'Luh for Lexi' for example. But I don't think it's my job to go further than that.

Am I being unreasonable? Do schools expect that I will have taught her before she starts?

[Claireabella1]

I can hardly believe what I just read, your child's education is YOUR responsibility.

[Claireabella1]

I have* oops!

[whatinthewhatnow]

YANBU. It is the school's job to do the formal stuff. As the OP said, engaing with the process is really important, and I have spent oodles of time reading with DS, but have never tried to 'teach' him. He loves books and seems to be learning really quickly at school. If he asks to do phonics at home I will of course, but I hate all this hothousing nonsense. Home should be fun and relaxed.

[SackGirl]

YABU I don't like to flame people, but really feel your attitude towards your child quite strange, I have a baby and enjoy teaching him all of the things he is learning, that will include reading and writing if I'm lucky enough to have this beautiful lil man I want to teach him all I can and help him be advanced as possible.
Can I ask why you don't want to teach your child?

[SackGirl]

also whatinthewhatnow why cant learning be fun? you don't have to do it in a boring way... I enjoy learning even now, there's lots of fun ways to teach how to read and write!!

[GrimAndHumourless]

Sackgirl OP is not confident to attempt formal teaching, and will leave to school, will be led by teacher and support sch when the child starts. Remember the child is of pre school age, and learning in the early years should be though child led play.

[GrimAndHumourless]

Ok sackgirl, how would you teach mum ? Cackle.

[SelfRighteousPrissyPants]

There's no need to teach your child to read when she (presumably) isn't going to school until next year anyway. You just need to play and read to her.

As far as the phonics and the way they teach them, our nursery which is attached to the school, ran a session for parents about the sounds the children learn so we could say them properly It wasn't until at least next term if not the one after.

[SackGirl]

oh I totally agree that it should be child led, but if you yourself know how to read and write, then you can definitely teach them how to - I know there is no 'right' or 'wrong' to parenting, but I also don't think education should just be left until school starts, if they are willing and able to learn before that isn't it better to give them a head start in life?

[SackGirl]

no need for sarcasm grim... if you read my reply to you before I saw the sarcasm you'll see there is no malice. So not really any need for it from you

[ouryve]

Schools don't expect you to teach your child to read and write, but it's rather churlish to refuse to share with your child in a "this is a normal thing that I do all the time" way. Reading and writing isn't something that you only do at school. Life just isn't compartmentalised like that.

[GrimAndHumourless]

No sarcasm here sackgirl
I will admit to poking you with a pointy stick though

[Callmecordelia]

I'm sorry I haven't read the whole thread. My Mum is a Headteacher of an outstanding school.

She is in two minds whether to teach my daughter (currently a bit young - 21 months!) to read before she goes to school. There is no doubt she can do it - she's taught hundreds, possibly thousands of children to read - but children who can read when they go to school are not necessarily at an advantage.

It can mask problems and they can end up working at an inappropriate level, and they can get bored really easily. There are problems with children who know how to read, so therefore they seem more competent than they really are and are pushed beyond their ability and don't get the support they really need because they appear to understand things and don't. It can cause an attitude problem if they think they know it all and don't need to try. If a child is bored in the first few years it can cause problems throughout their school career, and the devastating impact of slipping down the class "ranking" as you get older and your peers catch up and pass you is avoided.

At the moment I'm not going to teach her to read. I'll do phonics when I sound things out, and point words out, but it will be totally child lead.

[CharleeWarlee]

I must say that the 'luh' for Lexi is how my daughter would say the letter L. She is 7 weeks into Reception and could only write her name and count to 20 before starting school.

She now writes any letter I ask her to, and will write words by breaking them down (even though sometimes they arent spelt right)

[BegoniaBigtoes]

I think it depends a lot on the child. I would take the OP's approach as a starting point but then if the child is chomping at the bit to learn to read, because they're interested / good at it, I'd encourage it. OTOH if they're not interested I wouldn't push it.

Seeing written words everywhere is part of daily life so most preschoolers are going to take some level of interest, plus they do a bit of it at nursery - I don't think it's true that turning up at school with some reading ability is going to be huge problem. A good teacher will be able to be flexible surely.

[SackGirl]

I don't really agree callme, don't get me wrong - I understand your point, but you can only teach as much as they can learn and I just don't understand 'waiting' if their minds are fully capable of comprehending reading and writing.

[SackGirl]

obviously i'm not going to be shoving the entire works of Shakespeare under a 3 year old's nose and expect them to recite it

[dysfunctionalme]

I'm in two minds about this.

With regards to reading, I believe in lots of books in the home, lots of conversation/vocabulary building, story times, nursery rhymes and audio books, then following the school's lead with reading books etc.

With writing I actually don't trust the school as they did such a poor job with dc1 so have taught dc2 myself after finding out how to teach handwriting.

[PostBellumBugsy]

You don't have to formally teach, but surely a parent's role is to help provide all round education for their child? Don't humans have a long-standing history of passing on their knowledge to their offspring?

If you take a stance, & say no it is not my role to teach, does that mean you won't help with homework either?

I love exploring the world with my DCs, I love encouraging them when they are interested in things. I love the fact that I don't always know the answers, but I'll help them find out. I see it is as something interesting & fun (well apart from homework) and enjoy learning new stuff myself.

[choceyes]

Glad I found this thread.

My DS is 4 next month and I have been trying to get him to learn to read a little bit. And I've not been doing it right..saying luh for example. He is not keen on learning to read, so I've felt frustated that he is not following what I am saying. I'm glad to read on this thread that is is perfectly normal and he doesn't really need any formal reading done till he starts reception next year. It is difficult to know what the right thing to do is because, my DPs and IL both say that me and DH both were reading by the age of 3/4. DH learnt to read himself without any input from his parents and I although I can't remember if my parents taught me or not (probably did) but I distinctly remember reading english books like Enid Blyton by the age of 4/5 and english wasn't even my mother tongue. Both of us are academic and professionals, so it has been frustrating that DS hasn't been showing any interest in reading at all.
But he does loves being read to. He has about 200 books at home and keeps asking me to read to him all the time. He can write a few numbers and he attempts to write his name, but not quite there yet, although apparently he does do it at nursery . Sounds like he is very normal by the sounds of this thread.
He has been bringing back Biff and Chipper (yes they are awful!) books from nursery every week with a worksheet too, and a note saying that he should be able to recognise a few words. But his keyworker did say that he didn't expect him to do anything formal at all.

[LadyMargolotta]

I help my children with their homework (have been previously slated on mumsnet for admitting that), but that is different to teaching a preschooler how to read and write.

Homework is reinforcing what has already been learnt in school, and identifying any gaps. No where has the OP suggested that she will not support her child once formal teaching has begun.

In my children's case it would have been detrimental for me to try and teach them to read and write before school. The language they speak in school is not my first language and my pronunciation would have confused them. They learn cursive writing straight away - which is a type of writing that I cannot do.

[marbleslost]

Callme - as a pre-school reader myself I agree with everything you've said there.

[FolkGhoul]

OP

Send your daughter to school with:

• the ability to 'listen'. Hearing is sensory, listening is a skill.
  
• an understanding of rules and boundaries. Schools rules and boundaries will be different to yours, but if she understands what 'rules' are then she will have a much happier time of things.
  
• ideally she will be able to use a knife and fork; toilet herself; do her coat up
  
• the ability to recognise her name
  
• an understanding of the 1:1 correspondence of counting things
  
• a love of books
  
• enthusiasm for exploring
  
• confidence in risk taking (age appropriate of course!)
  

You do not need to 'teach' your daughter anything else before she starts. Respond to her interests of course, but you don't need to aim to teach her set things before she starts.

Good luck. x

[dysfunctionalme]

LadyMargolotta I help my children with their homework (have been previously slated on mumsnet for admitting that)

Really? Why? Is it bad to help kids with homework?

[WitchesTitWhistles]

I find it fascinating that you are so disinterested in your child's development. Did you potty train her or do you expect someone else to do that too?