stay at home mum ,untidy house ,me time.

[bethjoanne]

hi my husbands works all day and i am busy going to baby groups etc and looking after baby .husband expects tidy house and tea ready when he gets in.ironing is mounting up and he gos out for 8 hours with mates on saturday .whos unreasonble?

Going to baby groups and looking after a doesn't take all day.

Surely you can make his tea?

Looking after a baby.

You are. The stay at home parent does the lion share of the house work as they are at home unless you have a particularly awkward / needy baby. How hard can it be and how long does it take?

Is the real issue him going out but you don't get nights out in return.

thing is he likes proper cooking from scratch .its difficult being jamie oliver with a baby in my arms! and the meat has to be from a butcher.

I know it's a pain in the ass but I don't think it's unreasonable for you to have dinner ready, and house reasonably tidy if you only have one baby.

In our house bringing enough money in is my husbands job, tidy house and food ready is my job (very old fashioned I know) though we do help eachother. I think he's reasonable to expect it if he's been at work all day. Looking after a baby is work but it is more flexible and with a bit of planning (and a slow cooker is great so you can stick something on in the morning, go and do what you want all day, and have nice dinner ready at the right time) producing a meal and having a quick tidy round before he comes home should be possible.
Perhaps you could ask for a couple of hours back on a saturday? That's a long time to be out if you only have the weekend together.
And could you afford to pay someone else to do the ironing?

get him a slow cooker to put on before he goes to work :)

Yanbu btw, how much is being saved on childcare cost while he is at work. you are a SAHM not a 1950 housewife

I'm a lazy person but even I still manage to chuck a wash on, do some dishes and make dinner for the 4dc and DP

I've always been SAHM, there's no reason why dinner can't be on table. Okay so I'm not great at the whole cleaning thing, but then I'm also a student, doing 110 credits of OU a year (120 credits is same as 40 hours a week at 'proper' uni).

Being a bit harsh there girls!

How old is the baby? Does he do anything with the baby? What does he do when he gets home? Do you get a day off entirely to yourself, or evenings out on your own?

just cross posted with you OP, definately get a slow cooker, effortless Jamie Oliver!

A baby is work.

You should take it in turns with dinner and housework since you have been working all day looking after a baby.

Yes of course YABU. Your poor husband goes out to put food on the table and deserves his leisure time at the weekend. After all you chose to become a drudge housewife and have a baby. Stop moaning and get on with it.
Blah, blah, blah....

If he wAnts butcher stuff that's not difficult. Just do a bit of meat in the oven- chops/steak/salmon/ sausages/lasagne with baked potatoes and pre prepared veg in microwave.

You both are.

He needs to be not so demanding and I guess you could do a bit more.
Only iron what you have to.
If you hang or fold clothes straight away, often they won't need ironing.

Think of some quick meals. Try Bbcgoodfood for some quick or one pot dishes that you can shove in the oven.

8hrs every Saturday is a lot. Is it a specific hobby?

I think YAB a bit U - I have a twelve week old and am busy doing the same things you are. The house is not spotless and the ironing is mounting up, but it's reasonable and there is usually at least supper on the go when DH gets in. However, at weekends we both spend time with baby/ doing house stuff. Is your DH always out those hours, or only some weekends? Sounds like you need to talk to him about that...

... or order a pizza and dump that in front of him

I have a 15 week old ds and dd aged 9. I do everything including cooking.... can you bung dc in a bouncy chair and let them watch you cook ? My ds loves watching. I just talk to him as I go like a cookery programme :) ... he also goes to bed at 6 .. do you have a bedtime routine ? That would also make things easier.

Your dh should be more flexible about meals though. My dh will eat anything and is grateful for it :)

As for going out.... you should both have the same amount of free time.

And I never iron. I tumble and fold. Or hang up. Life is too short to iron.

Your poor husband goes out to put food on the table and deserves his leisure time at the weekend

The 1950's is calling - it wants its attitude back.

Some superwomen on this thread.

it was much easier working full time with no kids. dont think husband knows its a 24 hour job. hard work being a mum isnt it? cant remember last time i went to hairdressers.

Oh sorry Kittens, I didnt see the irony in your post

So if this man was a singleton, who would do his cooking and cleaning.

I thinkYABU. I have just gone back to work after 12 months off on mat leave with twins and I managed to go out every day, keep on top of laundry and cook a decent dinner every night. We had a cleaner though so I didn't do the main cleaning but house was always tidy by end of each day.
Buy a sling.