stay at home mum ,untidy house ,me time.

[bethjoanne]

hi my husbands works all day and i am busy going to baby groups etc and looking after baby .husband expects tidy house and tea ready when he gets in.ironing is mounting up and he gos out for 8 hours with mates on saturday .whos unreasonble?

Your baby's only 4 weeks old?

YANBU. When DS was that age, he wanted feeds every 3 - 4 hours, I was trying to breastfeed and expressing after every feed to try and keep my milk supply up, and I was staggering around like a sleep deprived zombie most of the time. If I managed to get a shower and cook DH a frozen pizza I was having an absolutely top notch excellent day.

Seriously, your DH has absolutely no idea about looking after a newborn if he's expecting a perfect house and complicated dinners cooked from scratch every night. If your baby was say 6 months or 12 months old, then he might have a point.

You could try leaving your DH in charge of the baby for a day while you go out. He might be a bit more understanding if he gets a taste of what being in sole charge of a very young baby involves. This worked wonders with my DH.

The super mums here should all do one. Keep house spotless and make a full dinner with a 4 week old??? I have a six week old. She is a 24 hr job.
I can hardly get cold lunch and water without military style coordination and I am coping rather well. Thank you very much!
The husband who has worked 8 of 24 hrs has some catching up to do!

I take it back!
4 weeks is possibly the toughest time.
He's a dickhead to piss off all day at the weekend.

OK op, yanbu if you have a 4wo. Your dh needs to get grip.

But what baby groups are you going to with a newborn?

At 4 weeks I expected DH to come home early to make MY tea. And pick up the shopping on his way. YANBU

I didn't become a WAHM because I liked doing household chores, just so I could do more of them. I did it for various reasons mainly as it was better for me and the family and so I could be (a lot) happier as I could do more things that were not paid work, and enjoy the paid work I actually do.

I work, look after the kids, look after the animals, organise the household finances, go to the gym & running clubs, go to WI, do PTA stuff for school, do an art course, do the garden, go to Film Club, Book Club, have coffee with other mums...at some points during the week stuff gets tidied up, washing gets done, cleaning gets done, but at the end of the day, as long as it doesn't look like something out of How Clean is Your House? people can find stuff, you don't feel too disorganised and people have clean stuff to wear WHO CARES?

Life first, chores second.

Going out for 8 hours on Saturday when you have a very new baby at home and a tired wife is a bit crap tbh.

It does sound like he doesn't get it.

Yes but sometimes one has to do stuff you don't like. People that go to work do.

The going out is rubbish and should be matched by a day out for you.

Four WEEKS?! DD is coming up to five months and I'm only just getting on top of the housework although for some strange reason she's not used to the hoover and is scared of it and the cooking is pretty much split 50/50 as we are both trying to lose weight and ditch the ready meals.

You have birth less than a month ago and are getting used to looking after a totally dependent new little human while your hormones are all over the place and you are (presumably) being woken up repeatedly at night.

YANBU.

Just read all this, at 4 weeks old I did not know my arse from my elbow with my first. DH was coming home and finding I had not eaten since the whole day was filled with baby (she was a Velcro baby and I EBF). You need support and kindness and not to be left to it for 6 days a week.

My DH was coming home and cooking once he got back. He also it baby to bed most nights. Poor you. It will get better, you will figure it out,but somehow DP needs to give you a bit of support.

Forget housework,nsleep if baby sleeps and try to talk to your DP he is not being nice.

*gave birth, rather.

I hate cooking...................

Personally I have been a sahm for two years. Dh works and dinner is always done for when he gets home. Very rarely he will cook during the week. I do the washing and ironing and keep the house tidy.
He does the bins once a week, walks the dog and makes the girls lunch boxes when he does his.
I got moaned at by an older lady for suggesting he should do anything when he works ft

It´s not always the lack of time with a tiny baby as the sometimes sleep quite a bit.

It´s the absolute being knackered!

And anything taking a while to do in that dazed state.

I´d cook what I could manage, OP.

Not good enough-he cooks for himself.

baby is four weeks... four months maybe starting to get things into a routine, but four weeks?

how many times a day and night is baby feeding?

Your baby is 4 weeks old?! Are you getting any sleep??? OP YANBU at all.

I have 2 DC's almost 1 and almost 3 and am on mat leave. Although the youngest is not tiny any more he doesn't nap (unless we are out) and is still very clingy. My toddler is bonkers and can't be left for too long or he gets himself in some kind of trouble. He doesn't nap either. Although I can now leave them for a little bit of time, I really struggle to get any "serious" housework done when I'm on my own with them.

I've tided the toys away at least three times this afternoon. They are still everywhere as they got pulled out just before dinner and I can't be arsed now to put them back again!

When DH gets home from work, he either cooks, or takes over with the DC's whilst I cook. We have a cleaner who does all the main stuff, I clean the kitchen after each meal, and sort out the washing in the evening. I don't iron, DH irons his own stuff as he needs it.

And as for going out for 8 hours every saturday, wtaf? Once you have a child, you just can't do that sort of thing anymore, not at this early stage anyway.

My DH works, so do I, it's just that my job at the moment is looking after our children. How people think that their DH's "deserve" their dinner on the table when they get home I just don't know! Like people have said, it's not the 1950's!

You are exempt from having to have a clean house and meal on the table if you have a four week old. Even if you get some spare time I bet you don't have the energy or the inclination to do the cleaning.

I did try and keep the house clean and tidy though because I don't like it too be messy. I think your DH could cook in the evenings to help out. It wouldn't kill him.

Are you getting your shopping delivered. Most butchers will deliver.

Congrats on your new baby

are you still bleeding? and hows the undercarriage? wonders if a swift kick to the goolies will remind him of how sore bruised undercarriages can be

4weeks!!!! He's properly unreasonable. All those tips I gave you up thread - ignore them until baby is at least 4 months old.

It's hard with the first new baby because it's all completely new and only the person who's at home is learning how to deal with the baby. It's a huge learning curve. Your DH is BU but he probably doesn't realise.

What he needs is to get a real insight into what life is now like for you. That probably means that he has to look after the baby on his own for a while, and that you go out, even if only for an couple of hours. When you get back you explain that you need help, especially at weekends. Something that needs talking about (if he's not going to simply expect this is how it works) but not turning into an argument. I remember my DH used to come in from work and generally be greeted by a crying baby that he had trouble relating to - he really built a relationship once he spent time looking after DS.

In the meantime, my first was the kind of baby who couldn't be put down while I did anything and that made it very hard. Second time around I got a sling (a Kari-Me that I was very sad to say goodbye to) and DD spent lots of time in there till she was about 8MO, since she used to have most of her naps in the sling and would sleep for hours.

Finally, the baby groups - when they're this young you can be doing anything you like - they won't get anything out of a baby group so if you're not don't feel you have to.

Get a grip. It's fecking hard and I traipse around the house wishing someone else would do the chore I'm doing but life could be worse. Stop fighting over who has it worse. Life's just different now, that's all.

Also get urself to a hairdresser. Dad can babysit 1-3hrs once a month. Get to debenhams, get a make over. Get you back. You sound a bit lost. Your not the person you used to be but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Stop looking back and look forwards.

Oh and plan meals a week in advance u can both sort out. Takes the stress out.

I don't think YABU to not get much done with a baby to look after. Dinner is particularly hard, I find, because DH doesn't get home until 7 and that's when I'm settling DS down to bed which is still a time-consuming effort.

I do all the meal-planning and shopping for the week so there is always food in the house but it's not always cooked and ready and DH has no problem with that. He knows that taking care of DS is physically tiring and a full-time job, not a holiday. Days where i get dinner ready for 7 are good days! Most of the time we cook together after DS is in bed and a lot of the time it's pasta or chili, something quick that doesn't take too much time.

I am sorry, but you should be able to manage to get tea/dinner on the table.

I remember taking DD to a playgroup when she was about 3. She picked up the toy iron with the most mystified expression.

'That's an iron, darling. It's for...ooh, look, some Play-Doh over here!'