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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want in-laws to come first thing on Christmas morning?

239 replies

SofaKing · 28/09/2012 18:22

FIL and step-MIL asked if they could come up for Christmas this year, they live in SE England and we are in Scotland. They are staying at a hotel, as we have 3 in a 3 bed house we don't have room for them to stay with us, but the hotel is only ten minutes walk away.

So far so good, but MIL phoned last night and mentioned that they would like to set their alarm and come up early to watch the DC open their presents, then go back to the hotel about 9 for breakfast. I was non committal about this to her, as I was surprised, but I'm really uncomfortable with this. I don't want to be seen by my in laws when I'm in my jammies, and I've always felt first thing in the morning should be parents and kids only, and the rest of the day is for visiting and being visited.

I have talked to DH and he has said he will talk to them and suggest they come up about eight instead, but he is not assertive and mil is very assertive, so I am worried they will come up anyway even if DH asks them not to.

Sorry for the essay :-) , anyway, AIBU?

OP posts:
WinklyFriedChicken · 28/09/2012 18:24

They're travelling the length of the country to see you and your children on Christmas, watching kids get their presents is one of the best parts - YABU! Put on naice PJs, let your kids have their DGPs there on Christmas morning.

Trills · 28/09/2012 18:24

I was going to say YANBU.

But when they said they were coming hundreds of miles to visit and staying overnight did you not expect that the early bit of "Christmas morning" would be a part of what they wanted to be there for?

So YAB a bit U, really. They are not visiting from nearby, they are essentially staying with you, they're just making it practically easier by having a bedin a hotel rather than squeezing into your house.

Trills · 28/09/2012 18:25

You could do "Christmas PJs" for everyone, including grownups, if yours are not up to scratch :)

JollyToddler · 28/09/2012 18:25

Just say no if you don't want them there.

LindyHemming · 28/09/2012 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whois · 28/09/2012 18:26

YABU

You're in-laws won't care about your PJs! If it was your pare ts, and your DP said "no" wouldn't you be pretty cross?

Groovee · 28/09/2012 18:26

I think you are BU. It's not like they live round the corner.

Growlithe · 28/09/2012 18:27

Maybe what they are suggesting is a bit early, but my DCs will be spending their first Christmas with no grandparents this year. I know they are ILs, and believe me I've been there, but try to embrace them because they aren't there forever.

Sorry if I'm guilt tripping.

EugenesAxe · 28/09/2012 18:27

YANBU but I think a compromise is in order - stockings are opened by children alone leaving parents to sleep (unless children are too young to manage themselves, of course), followed by banzai bed-attack on said parents by DCs desparate to show what Father Christmas got them.

Everyone gets up and the turkey is put on, parents have a breakfast of coffee, chocolate & satsumas and then pour out a sherry.

By now it's about 10.30am and the tree present opening can commence.

PILs should descend in time for the last action; perhaps earlier to enjoy some coffee/chocolate/satsuma action.

Maria2007loveshersleep · 28/09/2012 18:27

YABU. That's the loveliest part of Christmas, surely you understand they'd love to share in the fun? Why do you feel that bit is for 'parents and children only'?

brass · 28/09/2012 18:27

no, we do presents in bed, just the 4 of us so this just wouldn't work.

Sparklingbrook · 28/09/2012 18:28

I think it would be a lovely thing to do. If you did have room for them to stay they would be at yours on Christmas morning anyway wouldn't they?

bigknickersbigknockers · 28/09/2012 18:28

YANBU, just say its to early for visitors but you look forward to seeing them later on (at whatever time is suitable) and ask DH to back you up on this. Hopefully someone will word this better than me Wink

RowgtfcGOLD72 · 28/09/2012 18:28

My dad comes about half ten on Xmas morning. DD is five, we let her open a few with us and save the rest for when grandad arrives. I would love it to be just DH, DD and me but df is 75 and lives alone and Christmas wouldnt really be the same without him. However, its your Christmas too as well as theirs so perhaps save a few presents to open for when the in laws get there at a much more sociable hour !

lisaro · 28/09/2012 18:28

YANBU, your Christmas is your Christmas. I really don't understand all this complaining by people who are 'forced' to do things they don't want to. Say no. My house was and is open if necessary on Christmas, but never in a million years so early.

Roseformeplease · 28/09/2012 18:28

YABU. They have come a very, very long way. Why not get them there early and, surely, you could offer them a family breakfast rather than them even having to walk back to the hotel? They are already paying out for a room in a hotel, petrol / transport costs / gifts etc. It is Christmas time. And as for seeing you in your pyjamas - either get dressed or get some respectable ones.

JollyToddler · 28/09/2012 18:28

I wouldn't let my in-laws come for Christmas morning and they live overseas. I wouldn't let my parents come either and they are only 30 miles away. Christmas is for us. Anyone else who wants to come round can join us later.

Numberlock · 28/09/2012 18:28

Yes unreasonable. She's only asking to come for an hour or so early on then they'll get out of your way and go back to the hotel, presumably till lunch time. Just pull on a nice pair of leggings and a zip up top 2 minutes before they arrive.

I hope none of your kids are boys, for your sake...

TheBonkeyMollocks · 28/09/2012 18:29

I will give against grain here and say YANBU.

Ask them.to ccome after their breakfast and make.sure the.kids still have some.pressies left to open when they get there.

Mayisout · 28/09/2012 18:29

It doesn't sound too much to ask. And as they suggested going to hotel for lunch you can have a break until they reappear for Xmas dinner/lunch. But if you aren't happy with this make sure they realise this isn't every Xmas, perhaps your DPs will want to be involved next year?

Perhaps your DCs will behave better with DGPs around (as it is a v excitable time for them and sometimes they get overexcited)

lydiamama · 28/09/2012 18:30

YABU, I understand that you do not like to be seeing in PJs, but they are taking a big effort to be there. Let them come, eight better than earlier, and make breakfast for everyone together, do not let them come back to the hotel, that sounds a bit sad. They love your kids so much that they are prepare to bother so much just to see their faces when they open the presents, come on, you are so lucky!!!!

TheCatInTheHairnet · 28/09/2012 18:31

Buy them both a pair of pjs, and tell them to say come on over in them. No day clothes allowed!

Sparklingbrook · 28/09/2012 18:31

How old are your DC?

Maria2007loveshersleep · 28/09/2012 18:31

I really don't get this 'my Christmas' and 'your christmas', I never did get it. They haven't done anything offensive in any way, in fact I think what you're suggesting is far more offensive and ungenerous, to want to keep them out of a lovely moment that they'd like to share with their grandchildren and their son & daughter in law.

And by the way, grandparents are not 'visitors'. They are family!

MerylStrop · 28/09/2012 18:32

If you have a "stockings only" in the morning approach, and presents after dinner (as is most civilised) then the problem is neatly avoided.

Eight o'clock (for bucks fizz and smoked salmon) seems entirely reasonable

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