to not want in-laws to come first thing on Christmas morning?

[SofaKing]

FIL and step-MIL asked if they could come up for Christmas this year, they live in SE England and we are in Scotland. They are staying at a hotel, as we have 3 in a 3 bed house we don't have room for them to stay with us, but the hotel is only ten minutes walk away.

So far so good, but MIL phoned last night and mentioned that they would like to set their alarm and come up early to watch the DC open their presents, then go back to the hotel about 9 for breakfast. I was non committal about this to her, as I was surprised, but I'm really uncomfortable with this. I don't want to be seen by my in laws when I'm in my jammies, and I've always felt first thing in the morning should be parents and kids only, and the rest of the day is for visiting and being visited.

I have talked to DH and he has said he will talk to them and suggest they come up about eight instead, but he is not assertive and mil is very assertive, so I am worried they will come up anyway even if DH asks them not to.

Sorry for the essay :-) , anyway, AIBU?

Mind you, even if they do turn up at 7 am you'll have been awake for do long on Xmas morning that it'll feel like midday. Or is that just my house?!

Point being, thumb, that there was no mention of anything negative about the PILs until she realised the thread wasn't garnering 100% support. Then the drip feed started.

they mentioned it was a possibility, and then told us they had booked flights
Perhaps when op didn't respond to the possibility being mooted, (when surely it was the time to tell them of her plan to visit her sister) they took it that it wouldn't actually be a problem?
They can't be blamed for not being bloody phsychic, can they?

Hi everyone, I just want to thank you all for replying, even if you don't agree with me I have honestly read everything and taken it on board.

I apologise for drip feeding about the relationship between DH and PIL, I didn't want to prejudice the OP as I genuinely wanted to know if six was too early for visitors, and not get into the fact that having them come round at all is stressful.

Even though we don't get on, Christmas is about the kids and DS1 and DD are five and three and so old enough to appreciate their GP's visiting, and even though they have not been close to DH they are good to the DC and I want that to continue, so if they do come round at six I will do my very best to make them feel welcome. And I'm definitely going to my sister's next Christmas, but not until the afternoon

Such anguish.

FloggingMolly - no but they can be blamed for not asking if they could come rather than mentioning that they might come and then booking flights. Because a prior plan isn't the only reason someone might not welcome a visit, is it? It would be perfectly normal and acceptable to just not want visitors. The stage in between "mentioning that they might come" and "booking flights" is "waiting for an invitation" or "asking if they can come". That's normal social behaviour, no one has to be psychic!

Hang in there SofaKing. Another thing I've found works, is to designate the weekend before Christmas as another "holiday weekend". With no visitors, and a few presents, and a special meal (one that everyone likes, not turkey, preferably ordered in from M&S). Then you've had a nice relaxing family day, and you can give the 25th December over to pleasing the outlaws without feeliing too resentful!

Thing is-if they mentioned & then booked without knowing it was OK, & OP said sorry, we´ve got plans-that´s their lookout, isn´t it?

diddle yeah it is their look-out. IF you really don't give a toss about your family.

Well it seems that they don´t care enough to check that it´s OK to be there.

Unless it was done through husband & he didn´t think that there were any definite arrangements.

lol it sounds like he married an assertive woman like his mom, maybe you need to have a little introspection about the way you regard your poor husband....seriously not trying to be offensive, just honest - reread your post.

If I found out PIL were coming for Christmas I think I'd self combust. You appear to be handling this well in comparison, op.

Husband needs to grow some balls.

OP The easiest way to get PIL to arrive later is to tell them they are welcome to watch ALL your family xmas traditions: the squeals of joy as DCs rip open their presents at 4.30 am )so they'd better set their alarm a little bit earlier) followed by hot chocolate and a new xmas DVD for DCs whilst you + DH embrace your own Chritmas tradition - the Festive Shag.

Oh dear, didn't mean to offend anybody, was trying to post a tongue in cheek message about what I thought the OP would like to say to her MIL not what she actually should say (hence the and saying I'd bet you'd love to do this) but obviously I failed miserably

And when I was writing the post, it was the bit (as others have subsequently pointed out) where OP said they had mentioned coming up at xmas and then they booked the tickets without any further discussions that I was basing my post on, I'd missed any bits where OP said she had explicitly invited them to stay. And I was thinking more about the asking being the bit relating just to asking if the PIL could come at 6am rather than for the whole xmas visit.

I've had something similar happen to me, where you are planning one thing, and then discover that you have to cancel your own much-anticipated plans because somebody else has made plans that involve you without actually checking with you that this is alright. In reality - I was polite, and put up and shut up and had a miserable time, made all the more miserable knowing that I was missing something I should and could have been at, where I would have had a fantastic time, going by everybody else's reports of it.

In my head on the other hand, I was day-dreaming of telling the other person exactly what I thought of her and her silly event.

That's why I put the post down - made me feel better while doing something I didn't really want to do. Was hoping that it might just give the OP something to grin about when she thought about saying it to her PIL and thinking about what their reactions might be.

OP - I hope you manage to get a nice christmas despite your PIL being there and arriving at crazy early time on christmas morning. And that you get your originally planned christmas next year as you didn't get it this year!

(and I still think that the PIL were out of order to book flights without explicitly getting an invite from OP - mentioning something doesn't mean that you have made hard and fast plans. What if the OP had booked plane tickets herself in the mean time to go and see other relations for example?!)