to not want in-laws to come first thing on Christmas morning?

[SofaKing]

FIL and step-MIL asked if they could come up for Christmas this year, they live in SE England and we are in Scotland. They are staying at a hotel, as we have 3 in a 3 bed house we don't have room for them to stay with us, but the hotel is only ten minutes walk away.

So far so good, but MIL phoned last night and mentioned that they would like to set their alarm and come up early to watch the DC open their presents, then go back to the hotel about 9 for breakfast. I was non committal about this to her, as I was surprised, but I'm really uncomfortable with this. I don't want to be seen by my in laws when I'm in my jammies, and I've always felt first thing in the morning should be parents and kids only, and the rest of the day is for visiting and being visited.

I have talked to DH and he has said he will talk to them and suggest they come up about eight instead, but he is not assertive and mil is very assertive, so I am worried they will come up anyway even if DH asks them not to.

Sorry for the essay :-) , anyway, AIBU?

Ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa @ Trills

Sorry but YABU - and I never take the side of in-laws

When I was little it was part of the fun of Christmas that nanny & grandad stayed over & got to see us open our presents. My mum is always at ours on Christmas morning to see her GC open theirs, and I really hope I get to see my GC doing the same in years to come, because for children, that's the main bit, the bit of Christmas that's the most exciting, and we all like to be a part of that.

I love slopping around in my own house and not having to 'entertain' anyone. That's why I make sure my Christmas is always at home . However I always tell relatives they're welcome to come over whenever they like (and I mean it) - but they can muck in, help with dinner & drinks, etc, and generally give me a hand, not add to the work...

They are mental to choose to get up before 6am in order to be at your house at 6am, no matter how magical it is to see children open their presents.

Actually my ds gets up about 9.

I was up at 7.30 with itchy feet wanting to wake the lazy monkey up!

Weallhave we do not have a particularly close relationship. FIL walked out on DH and his mother, who had ms, and left him to be a child carer when DH was 9. He didn't start seeing him again until he met step-mil and by that time DH was 14. Mil doesn't know about this, she thinks FIL left before DH's mother became ill, and that FIL maintained regular contact. DH stayed with them when he was 16 until he was 19 but he and FIL are virtual strangers, and MIL doesn't understand why the relationship is so awkward so their visits are always quite hard work, hence I am not keen to start so early.

Didn't put this in my op as I felt it was a bit too long and not really relevant, even if they were very close I wouldn't want them to come round at 6am!

So it's relevant now that the YABU verdict is unanimous, SofaKing?

My parents get up at about 5am every year to co e and watch dd open her presents and we wouldn't have it any other way.

I do think yabu, like it or not they are not visitors they are your family.

Family arent everything!

My DC always get up at sixish, I'm sure they will be worse at Christmas if anything!

Thinking about it this must come from MIL as DH said he once got up at half four on Christmas morning and he was told he had no presents as he had been bad! He didn't get his gifts until 7 as his parents wanted a lie in!

Molly, it was relevant as another poster assumed we had a good relationship. We don't.

We've always had Christmas presents in the afternoon (stocking from FC first thing), much more civilised and visitors are welcome.

Years ago (when I was growing up) we all had to wait for Boxing Day to open our presents for some reason .

Is step-MIL nice? Is she trying to build a grandmother relationship with your dc and work out how to mend dh and FIL relationship at the same time? If yes, feel a bit sorry for her, I wouldnt be able to help myself explaining it to her after a few glasses of Xmas , as she deserves to know.

But if your dh and FIL are "virtual stangers" not sure if YABU now.

I've just wrapped up my first batch of pressies as I'm off to Scotland tonight and won't be back up before Xmas!

I'm in despair at those who think Xmas morning is a closed affair.

Everyone is welcome at my house. If I'm in my pj's it doesn't bother me either and wouldn't bother either my friends or family.

I lost my mil this year and will feel terribly sad at Xmas when I have kids and she won't be here to see their faces.

It's what Xmas is about for me.

I'm definitely in the YABU camp here.

I would be with the YANBU crew, but they are coming all that way and it's hardly going to be an imposition is it? If you said yes to them coming despite your plans, that's not really their fault, and the fact is, as long as you are happy with your pyjamas, I can't actually see it being much of an issue tbh.

Is it a 'posessive' thing wrt you only wanting your DCs to spend Christmas morning with you? I don't mean that rudely, but I'm wondering if you just don't want them doing what you may see as intruding on this time.

aplogies if you have said how many xmases they have spent with you - but as a one off i also think you ABU and i also NEVER EVER take the in laws side.

the innocense and magic of children opening presents - is probably the whole reason behind the trip!

i think they also feel awkard round you which is why they want to be in a hotel where i imagine they would be much happier even if you did have a spare room and also i thikn they are trying to be thoughtful by going back to the hotel - like compromising with you - it may be early and akward but we will leave you in peace again.

Well I was going to say yabu, but then I got to the bit about 6am. NO NO NO NO NO!! And again NO! Tell them to come at 8, don't ask, tell.

Why not ask the children if they want their GP there when they open their presents?

I know this is going to sound unusual, but as a child, i HATED opening my presents infront of anyone other than my parents. I always felt there was some element of me having to 'perform' and make a huge deal out of the presents, and if i didnt, it was almost as if i had disappointed the person who gave it to me and as if i was ungrateful, which i never was. I was always grateful. Just not a very excitable child!

Nope. No way would ANYONE be intruding on the special time I only get to share with my DC's once every two years. Stockings are opened on the DS's bedroom floor, all of us together. In our Christmas jammies.

Anyone else can sod off till after 10am. I don't EVER do visitors before 10am, I'm not going to change that on Christmas day!!

Antisocial git who is not a morning person

I do breakfast at around 9am, and then we get dressed in all our finery by 10am. THEN I would be ready to open my home to people.

And it doesn't matter WHO it is. The queen herself could knock on my door at 9am on Christmas Day, and I wouldn't be opening the door.

Wouldn't allow my own Mother to be here before 10am, so I was fucked if I was allowing my MIL that hated me either! Which she hated, and said I was 'excluding' her. Nope, wasn't personal to her, was excluding EVERYONE that I wasn't happy to greet in my PJ's. Which means I was excluding everyone but the people that live in my home!

Theyy just want to pop in & see their GC open presents & clear off again by the sound of it.

Hardly a great imposition.

They are the ones who´ll be getting washed, dressed & out at an ungodly hour!

And give your husband a kick up the arse if he is "narky"

Wny didn´t you tell them that you already had plans?

Can't you save a few presents back for a more civilised hour and invite them for breakfast at about 9ish so they can still watch the present opening? I have a cilvil ceasefire with my mIL and am starting to even enjoy her company but seriously, 6 o'clock is pushing it, even on Christmas Day...

Well if relationship between DFIL and DH understandably strained I would ask DH's view - and if any reticence?sp make it 10am.

Reminds me of year ds2 was a newborn. PIL stayed in a nearby b&b. They didn't say they were coming round early (assumed not as they hadn't done over the previous week) but arrived at 6ish. Ds2 had woken me at silly o'clock. Ds1 was up early and dh had just made us both a cup of tea and we'd just started on ds1's stocking. Was lovely, relaxed, felt special (new bigger family alone for first time .......). They crept in (front door into lounge) and were really surprised to see us all up. FIL immediately cleared off into kitchen to make coffee, put turkey in etc. MIL plonked herself next to me, could feel her hyper mood zinging off her and looked expectantly at all of us. Dh went off to make her a tea to smooth the moment over. But it somewhat spoiled the moment. She did relax after a couple of hours / once stocking open / ds1 quietly playing by himself / ds2 finally napping ...... and then we had a nice day. Think I wouldn't like to do a repeat. So YANBU imo.

Your DH is planning on telling them they can come at 8?! What time were they planning on coming over?

Yes they are coming a long way but it is your home and if your DH agrees, then I can see why you wouldn't want them there so early. I can't see me wanting anyone at my house at 8 tbh.

Maybe let your DCs open some then save GPs presents for when they arrive.

My dad likes to give my DCs his presents so they have them in the afternoon when we all meet at my nans house. Just means they get more presents to open later on.

Just looked back. 6AM, YANBU.

Tell them 8-9. I would even think 8 is a bit early.