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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want in-laws to come first thing on Christmas morning?

239 replies

SofaKing · 28/09/2012 18:22

FIL and step-MIL asked if they could come up for Christmas this year, they live in SE England and we are in Scotland. They are staying at a hotel, as we have 3 in a 3 bed house we don't have room for them to stay with us, but the hotel is only ten minutes walk away.

So far so good, but MIL phoned last night and mentioned that they would like to set their alarm and come up early to watch the DC open their presents, then go back to the hotel about 9 for breakfast. I was non committal about this to her, as I was surprised, but I'm really uncomfortable with this. I don't want to be seen by my in laws when I'm in my jammies, and I've always felt first thing in the morning should be parents and kids only, and the rest of the day is for visiting and being visited.

I have talked to DH and he has said he will talk to them and suggest they come up about eight instead, but he is not assertive and mil is very assertive, so I am worried they will come up anyway even if DH asks them not to.

Sorry for the essay :-) , anyway, AIBU?

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 28/09/2012 18:44

The kids will be up at 5am anyway - Noddy Holder voice - it's CHRISTMAS!!!!

G1nger · 28/09/2012 18:45

"BTW to all those strident YABUs- I would hazard a guess that most of your grandparents didn't turn up on xmas morning at 6am..."

Too blinking right! ;)

TheBonkeyMollocks · 28/09/2012 18:45

Can you not tell them to come at 9 and offer breakfasts?

6am is ridiculous !

FizzyLaces · 28/09/2012 18:46

Top tip - my DP gives me a mini bottle of champers and a straw as soon as I wake every Christmas. It sorts me right out Grin

mymatemax · 28/09/2012 18:46

our parents can arrive whenever they want & when the kids were tiny yes it did mean 6 in the morning. although its far easier just to sleep on the sofa & let the grandparents have beds & we are all woken by the kids in the morning at the same time.
You'll be suprised how many you can sleep in a3 bed semi

Pinkforever · 28/09/2012 18:46

Eh did the inlaws not have years of watching their own dcs open their presents on xmas morning?Hmm YANBU op-far too many people try to please others by doing things at xmas their way-myself included-and it just makes you a martyr and resentful. Tell your inlaws you are looking forward to spending a lovely xmas with them but will see them slightly later.....

AdoraBell · 28/09/2012 18:46

Take DH out shopping, he can buy you some PJs and a dressing gown type thingy that you will feel more comfortable in with the grandparents. Plus slippers, if you wear them, don't forget the slippers. Then just try to relax and let everyone enjoy the morning. You can always come on here and rant if it gets too much for youWink

BadgersRetreat · 28/09/2012 18:47

blimey that's a bit bah humbug imo

they are either coming for Christmas or they aren't - don't be mean

get dressed and do the prezzies in the living room

otherwise they are basically driving the length of the country for lunch!

MissBeehivingUnderTheMistletoe · 28/09/2012 18:47

I'd just wait until a reasonable hour for the present opening tbh - we stockings at the crack of dawn Shock and then main presents at about 10.30. PILs have never asked to be there at 6.30am Grin mind you neither have I

TeaOneSugar · 28/09/2012 18:48

Last year I managed to negotiate later visits, after years of being invaded before I'd even managed a cup of tea or a shower, a much nicer start to christmas day IMO.

BadgersRetreat · 28/09/2012 18:48

my dad used to go and get the GPs before breakfast so we could all be together all day...

roundtable · 28/09/2012 18:48

I don't think you're being a bit unreasonable, I think you are being really unreasonable.

They're prepared to travel the country; not put you out by staying in a hotel; go back to their hotel at 9, not outstaying their welcome so to speak, and you're worried about being seen in your pj's?

I think that's mean.

kate2boysandabump · 28/09/2012 18:49

"BTW to all those strident YABUs- I would hazard a guess that most of your grandparents didn't turn up on xmas morning at 6am..."

As I said upthread, yes they were and it was great Grin Full on Grandad's girl here.

BerthaTheBogBurglar · 28/09/2012 18:51

This isn't MIL bashing though, is it? She's not saying anything at all bad about the MIL. She just doesn't want guests at 6 in the morning, which is totally reasonable. Imagine the thread title - "AIBU to not want visitors at 6am?". You really wouldn't get many YABUs on that.

And I imagine when her son is an adult she'll be enjoying the lie-in on Christmas morning like a civilised granny

OP, could you save half/some/most of the presents for later in the morning? When we've had this kind of situation the children have opened stockings and a big present (carefully chosen to be something that will keep them busy!) first thing. And then the visitors arrive at 10ish, we serve mulled wine and mince pies or something and all sit around watching them tear through the rest of the presents.

It is totally different to having them staying in your house. They'll be arriving dressed and done up and all "we're visiting your house" and you'll be bleary-eyed in your pjs.

Don't let your DH make that phonecall, do it yourself. Very firmly. "We're saving lots of presents till 10am, do not come before then". Wait two days. Then phone FIL and check he knows not to come before then, too.

akaemmafrost · 28/09/2012 18:52

Yabu and they should be staying with you too. I can't stand this "put them in a hotel!" attitude thats on here so often. I would not dream of making my parents or in laws stay in a hotel when they are visiting and I don't know anyone in RL who would.

roundtable · 28/09/2012 18:52

Sorry op, cross post.

Well done, it's one day and as a compromise, could they come at 7 or so? Slightly more human time of the day?

Pooka · 28/09/2012 18:52

If you had more room and they were staying with you, then you would have had them there at tht time or earlier anyway.

We had family staying last christmas. Kids opened stocking in our bed first thing, before others had woken (was my mum and brother). Then we all opened presents over breakfast in the sitting room.

Merrin · 28/09/2012 18:53

No way! I need a few hours Christmas morning to recover from the hangover... Invite them for brunch and delay the pressie opening. The children will be beside themselves with excitement and you will enjoy it too no doubt.

akaemmafrost · 28/09/2012 18:53

Sorry cross posted. Glad you have changed your mind. Still think they should be staying with you though.

PinkFairyDust · 28/09/2012 18:54

Christmas Eve prezzies - new pjs for everyone

Christmas Day - stockings for little ones and when grandparents arrive they can show what Father Christmas got them!

Have Xmas music on, have a Xmas breakfast together - don't send them back to the hotel, they have travelled a long way to spend it with their son, daughter in law and their children.

You never know it could be their last christmas Sad

PuppyMonkey · 28/09/2012 18:54

Anyway, three in a three bed house. You could put them up really.

Runs away.

Original poster
SofaKing · 28/09/2012 18:54

define me I think you get how I feel about this exactly. PIL did not really even ask if they could come up at Christmas, they mentioned it was a possibility and then told us they had booked flights, so I already felt a bit hijacked as we'd been planning to have Christmas at my sister's and had to change. I think this is the real reason I'm narky, I just feel they want the perfect family Christmas with the DC and I will have to make it happen as DH reverts to a sulky teenager round his parents Hmm

OP posts:
TeaOneSugar · 28/09/2012 18:55

akaemmafrost Not everyone has room for guests, if my PIL lived away and wanted to visit they'd have to stay in a hotel.

WinklyFriedChicken · 28/09/2012 18:55

Ah now, maybe the GPs want to stay in a hotel, so they can have somewhere peaceful to escape to?

BerthaTheBogBurglar · 28/09/2012 18:56

Aah, x-posted. In that case, definitely buy them both pjs and insist they get changed on arrival. And unless you really want the time without them, refuse to let them go back for more sleep. Tell them how exhausted you are from the early rising, and how grateful you are that they've come to help, and set them to assembling toys or peeling sprouts while you go back to bed yourself