to not want in-laws to come first thing on Christmas morning?

[SofaKing]

FIL and step-MIL asked if they could come up for Christmas this year, they live in SE England and we are in Scotland. They are staying at a hotel, as we have 3 in a 3 bed house we don't have room for them to stay with us, but the hotel is only ten minutes walk away.

So far so good, but MIL phoned last night and mentioned that they would like to set their alarm and come up early to watch the DC open their presents, then go back to the hotel about 9 for breakfast. I was non committal about this to her, as I was surprised, but I'm really uncomfortable with this. I don't want to be seen by my in laws when I'm in my jammies, and I've always felt first thing in the morning should be parents and kids only, and the rest of the day is for visiting and being visited.

I have talked to DH and he has said he will talk to them and suggest they come up about eight instead, but he is not assertive and mil is very assertive, so I am worried they will come up anyway even if DH asks them not to.

Sorry for the essay :-) , anyway, AIBU?

Well I would make room. I know others don't think they should have to but I think for family and close friends you should. Sorry but I just do.

What Bertha said!

If you have already had to.change plans then its.only fair

Does nobody do blow up beds in the living room anymore?

My parents always stay in a hotel
They love having a lie in
They can afford it & wouldn't be happy on a blow up bed

YANBU
6am is too early (my DC wouldn't even be up!)
I think if they were staying over, fair enough - they could lounge about in their pjs too and help out but I know it's different when someone has got up and come round and if your house is anything like mine you will be the one up running around after everyone.

I think the distance thing is a red herring. My mum travels from Cornwall to Yorkshire to see us but would never expect to land up on us at 6am even at Christmas.
She remembers only too well how valuable a relaxing morning is after having my brother who didn't sleep through until 7 and even then was up at 5am each day!

I also quite like a snuggle in bed with my babies and their stocking pressies without other family members there so I get them all to myself before I have to run about like a headless chicken for the rest of the day

Oh and I live in a small flat. When my sister and her DH came to stay I moved in with dd for a couple of nights and they took my room. It's a bit of upheaval but so what?

Akemmafrost - when we have a second DC we'll lose our spare room, so guests will be given an airbed in the living room and/or an airbed on the floor next to a toddler bed. Knowing my parents, they would prefer a B&B to that.

No blow up beds, clean bedding and they get my room.

Why can't your kids share a room for a couple of nights?

Akaemmafrost and puppet monkey, they have booked the hotel without asking, they used to stay with us and complained constantly about the bed, the weather, having to use public transport as we don't have a car - I think we are all happier with them staying in a hotel as although they like our DC I think we are very different people and they don't enjoy staying in our house very much, which is fair enough!

Will offer to let them stay in our house, I have said they are always welcome but you are right that I should still offer so they know I mean it!

I wouldn't be up hearing.my dcs at Christmas. Its their home toothed should be allowed their rooms and their space .
Fair enough on the blow up bed in living room but why? when they are happier in a hotel!

Its bloody Christmas. It will be just as.lovely after 10am.

6 am is ridiculous!

*too

*up heaving !

I think you should tell them they can come along but a little later say half 7 or 8. Are they bringing presents with them? Im not sure why grandparents insist on seeing all presents being opened. They can see their own gifts being opened cant they?

Fair enough sofa . Just seems to be acceptable on here to make your nearest and dearest stay in hotels and I think it's rubbish to do that. But of course there are obviously many guests that may prefer to do that. I am talking about the ones who would love to stay with their family and wake up with grand kids etc but are shunted off to hotels with the full backing of the MN Collective.

Bertha can you come to mine too at Christmas? You sound very assertive without being rude, which is where I struggle. I'm a quiet seether, except on here!

Sofa I am the same but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.

Remember: Its your Christmas too!

This would really irritate me but I can't quite decide why. I'm all for family being together at Christmas but this time is so special and so magical, it feels like an enormous intrusion. I've been the same as you. I don't want family staying with us on Christmas eve. They come over later in the morning and can stay over after that for as long as they like really.

YANBU. Get them to come at a civilized hour, maybe for breakfast?

We had mil wanting to come and see the kids open their presents (same town). I didn't want her - or anyone - there for that bleary eyed early start. Dh was wavering, until I asked him how many times his grandparents had been there for present opening. Answer - none. Dh felt comfortable with saying no, then.

The only reason I would say yanbu is because my dc's are weird and have never been up before 9am lol. Kid you not. I'm always up first and my fingers itch to not wake them up. So anyone who wanted to come here at 6am would be told to jog on.

Always have visitors here on Christmas day. The kids love it, more people to make a fuss over them. More people to help with various toys. More presents and generally more laughs.

Unless your pj's are minging or very sexy don't see what the issue is to wearing regular clothes (says this as I sit in my pj's waiting for arrival of pizza person). If its really a problem, could get some lounge wear.

Most awkward Xmas morning I ever had with ds was when he was about 4 and MIL (lots of history of dramatic behaviour),came to stay over Xmas.

On Xmas eve she insisted she would stay upstairs when ds was opening his presents in the morning. I told her it was not necessary and couldnt understand why, but she insisted.

We got up on Xmas morning with ds around 7am and MIL was already up and dressed for coffee and having a cigarette outside. ds came down to open his presents and she wished him Merry Xmas and told him to wait until she had finished cig/gone upstairs (cue confusion/tears for ds), I again told her it was not necessary/don't be daft but up she went.

We sat downstairs opening ds's presents aware of MIL moving around upstairs, dh said to her to just come down but all he got was an "it's ok". ds even said, "why does nana need to stay upstairs?" (nana is her name for herself). She eventually shouted down "are you finished yet?".

Put a dampener on the whole day. We always have other plans on Xmas day now so she can't be there.

Compared to that your PIL sound lovely, they are travelling miles to visit & paying for a hotel just to see your family on Xmas day. They would like to share the pleasure of seeing your dc open their presents in the morning, then they are going to disappear and give you some space. It is likely your dc will enjoy them being there too.

Assuming you have an otherwise good relationship with them I think YABU.

We'd been planning to have Christmas at my sister's and had to change.

That is very rude, and you should let them know that it is not on to do this and that you have had to change your plans to accommodate them.

Stern "that was very naughty of you" then move on and be nice, don't fester.

I share your concerns and would be one of those saying you are not BU but have posted a similar question on here about it in the past and was found quickly to be unreasonable. The issue first came up for us as our first child was born early dec and I found the prospect of hosting with newborn too much to cope with. We were brave and asked them to stay at B & B down the road. They did but turned up on the doorstep before 8 am and stayed till after 11. Repeat the next day! I really struggled with this and don't have fond memories of our first Christmas with little one. To be clear, it's not an in- law thing, I would have felt the same about any visitors including family on my side. I am still probably being unreasonable to be worried about the same thing happening this year, but I am. We will have another newborn. And we don't have a spare room anymore but they are insisting on still staying with us and bringing blow up bed.

They have offered to then leave and go back to the hotel for breakfast!!
YABU, of course you are. How come, when opening presents is such a magical time it can be diminished by being witnessed by Grandparents?
I'd be ashamed to be so inhospitable as to send them on their way for breakfast as well, btw.
Scrooge has nothing on you.

Sorry, 6am?

I thought that "set their alarm and come up early" meant 7.30 or 8ish. That would still be very early to be up and dressed and at someone else's house.

Do you lot with children all get up at 6am?