to not want in-laws to come first thing on Christmas morning?

[SofaKing]

FIL and step-MIL asked if they could come up for Christmas this year, they live in SE England and we are in Scotland. They are staying at a hotel, as we have 3 in a 3 bed house we don't have room for them to stay with us, but the hotel is only ten minutes walk away.

So far so good, but MIL phoned last night and mentioned that they would like to set their alarm and come up early to watch the DC open their presents, then go back to the hotel about 9 for breakfast. I was non committal about this to her, as I was surprised, but I'm really uncomfortable with this. I don't want to be seen by my in laws when I'm in my jammies, and I've always felt first thing in the morning should be parents and kids only, and the rest of the day is for visiting and being visited.

I have talked to DH and he has said he will talk to them and suggest they come up about eight instead, but he is not assertive and mil is very assertive, so I am worried they will come up anyway even if DH asks them not to.

Sorry for the essay :-) , anyway, AIBU?

Why do the kids need to open ALL the presents at 6am.

Why not have stockings just the family, then get up, dressed and brekkie and then at 10am when grandparents arrive have the main presents opened.

Give you all plenty of time to get up, get the dinner on and relax and enjoy the present opening. The DC have their stockings early on and its not going to kill them wait a little.

We have done this for a few years now and it works well.

Everyone is happy and problem solved!

I do think its quite presumptious of them to assume you will be up at the crack of dawn, what would question what will the ILs do if they turn up at 6am and by some miracle the DC are still actually fast asleep??? However unlikely this seems its happend to us on 2 random years! Me and DH like a couple of excited kids waiting for the kids to wake up!!

Cant your DCs just show their GPs what they got in their stockings when they turn up at 9.30ish after b'fast at the hotel. While you and DP go off to get dressed/showered etc?

We got up at the crack of dawn, unpacked our stockings together, let our parents sleep in until 6.30 8.00, then had breakfast, then church, then went to rellies/had rellies arrive at 11/12ish for champers and present opening. And would have given everyone who listened a detailed itinery of what was in our stockings while parents cooked/got dressed etc. ITS THE ONLY WAY IT SHOULD BE DONE!

Bloody hell OP I think YANBU! I wouldnt dream of imposing myself on my son or daughter and his family at 6am any day let alone Xmas, I wouldnt care how far i travelled. Even if i was staying with them i wouldnt expect to be entertained at 6am, especially if i was able to toddle off back to bed for a few hours leaving them with over excited young kids!

Yanbu i'd hate this too (but bit of a strained relationship with mil).

Maybe lots of people with lovely pil would think yabu but at the end of the day, yes it's a special time which they'd want to share, but if sharing it means you'd not enjoy it as much then yanbu imo.

I used to be too much of a people pleaser, but it doesn't make you happy.

Yabu

my pils are not lovely - nearly every event and occasion - my wedding, every xmas, bday - dd born, dd baptised my 30th has all been clouded by them...i thikn they are totally toxic etc..and now i rarely see them....really cut down dd seeing them alot too, they dont know about my new DD on the way...

however - i think there must be a balance between being totally selfish and preserving yourself....my pils would never offer to do something like this - ie stay in hotel and say can we come for a few hours in the morning...

mine are always wanting more - and more and more and its never ever enough what they have been offered!

these pils seem quite humble to me.

if they were inisiting in staying in the house - for days - etc etc, then yes one more request may be too much - however they are not even based in the house! what is a few hours? once they have been this year - op can happily not see them at xmas for a few years...and they will have lovely lovey memories of their GC whilst young....

while i totally agree with ending people pleasing....on this occasion with these pils - already saying - we will go back to hotel....i dont see the problem.

6am - FGS 6 .....A....M.... - we are not up at 6am on ANY holidays... the kids are trained too!! No-one gets up before 8 Xmas morning here. The kids have been up til late, MIL is here, we are all (NOT the kids) a bit tipsy having a good time on Xmas eve - noooooooooooooooo to 6am , but yes to being there to see pressies opened...

From your OP, YABVU - it is just one year (as it sounds like this is not what normally happens) so just let it happen especially as they are only using a hotel because there isn't enough room. If they were staying with you, they'd be seeing everything!

I would love it if my parents actually gave a damn about seeing present opening, my dad would watch tv and my mum would just play on her phone (oh apart from getting the odd photo to show off later). They don't even know what presents 'they' have bought because they insist we choose/order/wrap as they don't like doing it.

However from the rest of your posts it seems less U as it seems like they've railroaded you into the whole thing and that's just not fair, and judging by the threads I've read on MN it seems to happen a lot at Xmas!

I have to say that I don't have an issue with them coming over at all - it's just 6am.

I hate mornings. I can just about restrain myself from being horrible to DH and the DC, but having PIL there as well will make it very difficult for me not to be very stressed and grumpy and ruin Christmas for everyone by being a misery. And I DO want everyone to enjoy themselves, and that includes PIL.

I hope DH does succeed in persuading MIL that 8ish would be a better time - I'm positively delightful once I've had coffee Irish as is Christmas

I'd love to see dgc open their presents but unless we are staying in the house it doesn't happen.

SofaKing listen, you ARE NOT being unreasonable. You are welcoming them in to your house at 8am fgs, that is plenty early enough. Dont listen to these posters who say otherwise, very few people would actually accomodate this request.

FFS.

THIS is why I hate Christmas. So much fuss.

Iwould gladly bugger off on holiday every year over the Christmas break if DH would come with me.

Ooops.

OP. YANBU. They do not need to come until after they have had breakfast in the hotel. Leaving you guys to get your own breakfast at leisure, not to a tight time frame.

Agreed Shrimp. What is it about Christmas (and weddings) anyhow that turn peoples head completely?

YABVU.

They've come a long way, they're staying in a hotel and you want to exclude them from the best part of Christmas - seeing the DC open their presents!

Let them open their stockings or a couple of smaller presents and save the rest until 9.

YABU.
My Mum spent every Christmas with us as she lived 180 odd miles away,she loved her GC so much and they her,all of us have lovely memories of our Chistmases together,she's gone now but all those times will never be forgotten,they would go and open their stockings in her bed then we'd all get up and open other presents throughout the morning.
To my mind the Dc are a gift to all of us and Grandparents are part of our family,i would never hurt them by excluding them.

OP, I think that YANBU.

But I like the leisureliness of Christmas morning with just the kids and DH. It's bad enough having family round for dinner so I know that there's a time limit on the taking it easy bit.

It's a shame in this situation that you conform to the wrapping presents thing. In our house the only people who would get to see the kids getting their Santa presents are those in the house already, but here Santa presents aren't wrapped. They each have a designated patch of living room with their unwrapped presents neatly arranged so that they see them as they walk down the (open plan) stairs. It just wouldn't be possible for visitors to arrive before they got their presents, so for us it wouldn't be an issue.

But FWIW, even if you do let them see the kids opening presents, anything before 9 is seriously uncivilised!

And in a three bed house i'd make the DC bunk up and give them a bedroom in my house,not an hotel.

Oh dear. I was about to say you are BU, but 6.00.a.m.??

I'm awake at 5 every day, but would find it hard to be sociable before 7.00.