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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want in-laws to come first thing on Christmas morning?

239 replies

SofaKing · 28/09/2012 18:22

FIL and step-MIL asked if they could come up for Christmas this year, they live in SE England and we are in Scotland. They are staying at a hotel, as we have 3 in a 3 bed house we don't have room for them to stay with us, but the hotel is only ten minutes walk away.

So far so good, but MIL phoned last night and mentioned that they would like to set their alarm and come up early to watch the DC open their presents, then go back to the hotel about 9 for breakfast. I was non committal about this to her, as I was surprised, but I'm really uncomfortable with this. I don't want to be seen by my in laws when I'm in my jammies, and I've always felt first thing in the morning should be parents and kids only, and the rest of the day is for visiting and being visited.

I have talked to DH and he has said he will talk to them and suggest they come up about eight instead, but he is not assertive and mil is very assertive, so I am worried they will come up anyway even if DH asks them not to.

Sorry for the essay :-) , anyway, AIBU?

OP posts:
mumto2andnomore · 28/09/2012 18:32

YABU and mean ! So what if they see you in your PJs , buy a nice dressing gown ! How would you feel if you were them ?

Trills · 28/09/2012 18:33

I am normally always in favour of doing Christmas how you like, but in this instance I would regard it as them staying with you, they are just not physically in your house.

usualsuspect3 · 28/09/2012 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CamperFan · 28/09/2012 18:34

I hate all the family stress that goes with Xmas, and I was about to say YABU, but having re-read your op, I think coming before 8am is a bit U on their behalf, despite their great effort in coming to see you. I think you do stockings in bed, and presents when they come round. Just say you'll all be in bed til 8am, opening stockings, but you'd love them to be there for breakfast/present opening.

EionMcLove · 28/09/2012 18:36

I think you are being a little precious about being seen in your nightwear.

What would you do if you did have a bigger house and they were staying with you? Have you never had or been an overnight guest?

TessTosterone · 28/09/2012 18:36

Yabu I just do not get this. The more the merrier for present opening!

DontmindifIdo · 28/09/2012 18:36

new christmas jammies for everyone, including you and DH. If you want to really get into it, give them some new jammies to open on Christmas eve as "we're all wearing our new jammies on christmas morning!"

let them come over, check the time they are planning and keep your DCs from opening gifts until then. Make sure you have basic makeup by the bed to put on first thing with the coffee machine ready to go so you just need to click it on as you walk past, and enjoy.

The best bit is DCs opening pressies and being excited, not fair to make them miss it!

hugoagogo · 28/09/2012 18:36

I'm not keen on my inlaws, but this would be ok with me, I expect they are really looking forward to seeing the dc open their pressies.

My inlaws are more interested in drinking ALL day at christmas. Hmm

Numberlock · 28/09/2012 18:37

Do you have a son OP? If so, lets hope his wife is more generous when the time comes.

As a mother of 3 sons I despair of some of the MIL bashing that goes on here.

kate2boysandabump · 28/09/2012 18:37

I think you're being a bit U. It's Christmas!! I've had 7 in my 3 bed semi on Christmas morning everyone was in their pj's even dh's Gran, it was great!! Christmas is for families.

My own Grandad used to get up at 5 so he could be at our house for 7 and he picked up my other Nanny on the way, I still remember it now.

mymatemax · 28/09/2012 18:37

yabu, if you cant share at xmas when can you. If you are that bothered put yourself out, get up earlier & put some clothes on.
let you children have memories of their grandparents there, they aren't around forever.

PuppyMonkey · 28/09/2012 18:38

Good to see the spirit of the season in action eh? Grin

Merry Fucking Christmas indeed.Grin

AnOldieButNotSoGoody · 28/09/2012 18:38

Why are some people so mean spirited?

OP yabvu.

Sort yourself out love.

One day you might that doting grandma desperate to see her grandchildren open their presents on Christmas morning.

cunexttuesonline · 28/09/2012 18:38

YANBU, I would totally hate this!! The santa bit is just for children and parents. As a compromise I would leave all other pressies except the santa ones until they have arrived (after their breakfast and once you are showered, gladrags on and bucksfizz on the go!).

defineme · 28/09/2012 18:38

On the one hand I feel your pain. I have had hideous Christmas' in my tiny front room watching my inlaws and dm chase my 3 kids around shouting 'Do you like this Igot you it?'. It all feels a bit like trying to get the kids to perform some idea of Christmas that's been created by Disney and Coke. I have a far nicer chilled experience when it's just us and the kids.

However, Christmas is about family/giving/charity and I can't see how you refuse. You're all one family and I don't suppose you see them that often...

IneedAsockamnesty · 28/09/2012 18:38

yanbu. its uncivilised i know its a differing view to most but i wouldnt have visitors before about 9.30 xmas day.

Original poster
SofaKing · 28/09/2012 18:39

OK, it seems on balance I am BU.

I will buy nice jammies, and let them come up at six in the morning. I do not want to be up at six as it is, but the DC will not have it any other way :-)

In answer to the would I let my parents do this/would I do it to my DS's or my DD - if my mum asked I would say no, and I would never ask this of my DC, because as I've already said I was brought up to believe that there is an acceptable time for visitors, and that six in the morning is not it, even on Christmas day. I understand not everyone thinks this, which is why I asked if I was BU.

I will of course offer breakfast, but I know that they are actually going back to their hotel for a few hours kip, which is something I envy them!

OP posts:
Yorkstar · 28/09/2012 18:39

YABU your dc will probably love them being there and you PIL will have some lovely memories to treasure. It's a one off. Stop being mean!

fedupofnamechanging · 28/09/2012 18:40

I wouldn't like it either, but I think YABU. Given the distance they are travelling, I think you should make them feel welcome. I would offer them breakfast too.

It's nice, really, that they want to do this.

Agree that you should buy posh jammies and view it as adding to the excitement for your dc.

G1nger · 28/09/2012 18:41

Get dressed for goodness sake. You're making a fuss over nothing.

fedupofnamechanging · 28/09/2012 18:41

X posted with you OP. I think you are doing the right thing, even though I would feel exactly as you do.

defineme · 28/09/2012 18:41

BTW to all those strident YABUs- I would hazard a guess that most of your grandparents didn't turn up on xmas morning at 6am...

WinklyFriedChicken · 28/09/2012 18:42

Oh I love love love new Christmas jammies so much!

My parents stay at my sister's house on Christmas Eve each year, it really pleases them seeing their grandsons opening their gifts, am sure saying yes will win you massive daughter-in-law brownie points.

Strong coffee and a bucks fizz and you'll be grand Grin

Nancy66 · 28/09/2012 18:44

Glad you've accepted YABU OP.

It might be fun - Christmas Day is the one day when it's acceptable to drink from the minute you wake...so, this way, you could be on the bubbly at dawn.

FizzyLaces · 28/09/2012 18:44

Aw, I think it lovely they want to do this. Glad to hear you are going to get shiney new jammies :)