To say fuck ruining your life, pay some bloody child maintenance

[MagicLlamaStrikesBack]

DS2(7) dad has chosen to have nothing to do with him.

He hasnt seen him now since just after Christmas. Prior to that hes seen him on about 5 occasions in the preceeding 12 months and that is the sum of his involvement in the whole of DSs life to date the fuckwit

Finally after being messed around with I will see him its just very difficult and lifes messy and whines about not knowing him, I in a fit of spiteful temper contacted the CSA in April. I let Ex know, cue a raft of text messages about his life being ruined, how he wouldnt be able afford to live, how selfish I was etc etc. Finally after me ignoring him he stopped texting.

The CSA have been useless a bit slow and its taken them until last week to actually get in contact with him, and ive received 4 missed calls from the Ex over the weekend, followed by a very self pitying facebook message yesterday, saying that they have assessed him at £375 per month!!! This will apparently ruin his life even more than me contacting him to try and get him to see DS did, he will not have any kind of life whilst he has to pay maintenance, it will mean he will lose his house, his partner is on the verge of leaving him because of this crap, he wont even be able to afford his dog, or his gym membership or even his (sob sob cry) fish.

My initial reponse if Fuck the Fuck Off, but I dont actually want to ruin his life, so am wobbling on the verge of backing down as all I wanted was for him to see DS.

He is being a dick. That money is for your son, I don't know why you even need to think about this, tbh.

"Tell him to fuck the fuck off untill he gets there then fuck off some more till he's fucked off so fucking far that he falls of the fucking edge."

And no it's not your sons money ITS YOURS if you choose to save it and give it to your son that's totally up to you equally as such if he wants to save money for him in an acc for when he's older that is not maintainance it's a direct gift maintainance is to contribute towards the day to day up bring of a child parents have to do that.

I know everyone has said it before me but i just want to echo what a complete and utter knobsack. Seriously, wah wah wah - he wont be able to afford his fish and gym? and that is the priority is it?

And the fact that HIS responsibilities are somehow YOUR fault is absolutely astounding, way to go on the empathy scale Dr Bumnut! Because it really is all about you isn't it?

If it were me, his whining would just increase my resolve. Do not back down. This is your sons money.

I am seething on your behalf.

I'm always totally baffled by men who seem to think paying for their own children is an unreasonable request.

I have a friend whose ex husband earns in excess of £100k - as he mostly gets paid cash he was able to 'hide' his true earnings and congratulates himself on getting away with paying around £150 a month towards his daughter.

don't back down. he's a cunt.

Can't believe Doctor Tightass whining about his fucking fish!
He cleary does not live in the real world of the adults if he thinks his fucking fish form a valid argument against paying child maintanance.

What an absolute out and out grade A arsehole.

That money is the least your DS deserves from that man.

yes and i got the i trapped him (we were not together that long, friends for a long time before) ruined his life and i must of not taken the pill (the doctor we saw soon put him right but telling him that he knew a woman that had fallen pregnant twice while being on the pill his wife :) )

the ex even told me that me having his child was detrimental to his friends - how i laugh at how pathetic he was, you too will one day i promise

best to keep contact to as little as possible, all he is doing is projecting his anger on to you and making you feel bad, you have no reason too you are wanting the best as any decent person would want, for your child

Op ask yourself this,would you ever say to your child "sorry lovely dc can you ask one of your other relatives to feed/clothe you and keep a roof over your head because I quite fancy having a gym membership and some fish and whilst I'm at I feel much more like financially supporting the two kids next door and there dad instead of you"

I'm guessing you wouldn't but in essance that's exactly what his dad is doing

I would post a synopsis of the comments here on his FB and then block him. What an absolute arsehole!

[SHOCK] What an absolute knobjob. Don't waiver!

oh I'd be tempted to put on his status "Yes, I see, it is more important that you pay for your fish's food than your son's. I see that your gym membership is more important than paying towards your son's living costs. I see that being asked to pay 10% of your income to fund your child is unreasonable. If you ever fancy being a part of his life, let me know, he'd love to spend some actual time with you, but understand, fish, gym etc, you've got a lot going on..."

Don't waver, OP.
This is not your money to refuse.

I've just been reminded of a text from xp when I asked him to contact CSA with his job details. 'But I've bought YOU nappies' its moments like this that you realise why they are exs!

Fwiw his other cchildren and his partners children will be taken into consideration too.

so if £375 is 10% of net then he is earning circa £80-100K (depending on what goes on pension contributions etc) and he cant afford fish? what the hell fish has he got?

Lets give his girlfriend the benefit of the doubt and wonder if she is considering leaving him over 'this crap' because he is being such a wanker about his son, not because of the money. I know I would.

Take the money, it is yours and your son deserves it.

The lack of contact is really sad, but unfortunately, you cant force it. But nothing you have said means that you shouldnt take the money or that he deserves any sympathy.

Take the money. Take the money. Take the money. Sadly, looks like all your son will ever get from this man.

He is Doctor? what a cunt.

TAKE THE MONEY OP

FFS

TAKE THE MONEY

And that you have waited this long matters not,
if you applyed earlyer you would have the same percentage of his previous income and that would have been changed every time his income increases

You know if you stop the CSA payments that he won't do contact. It's just a smokescreen. He might do it once, then excuses.

That money can be used to build a good life for you and your son. I would take it and ignore whatever else he says.

Don't back down - he's being a total wankbadger!

The sums :

First of all, the CSA assess maintenance on whatever the wages are AFTER his pension contributions. If he has a DC living with him (his fiancees child), then 15% of his income is ringfenced. Then the maximum the CSA can take for ALL of his DC's, including the 3 others you have found out about, is 25% of what is left, which will then be split 4 ways for the 4 DC's. Let's try to work backwards with this...

He's paying you £375 a month. 4 x £375 is £1,500. This is just 25% of the remains of his income after his other commitments. So his 'disposable' income is £6,000 a month. This is equivalent to 85% of his income after his pension contributions. Therefore his monthly income AFTER his pension contributions is £7,059 a month. Which means his salary AFTER his pension contributions is £84,706 a fucking year.

Yes, you read that correctly - this wankstain's salary AFTER his pension contributions is a massive £84,706 a year.

And the fucker is complaining about paying you the paltry sum of £375 a fucking month.

God I feel so fucking ragey I want to kill him!!!

Take the money. Take the money. Take the money.

Take the money - your DS deserves it.

He's a lying cunt. So take the money - it's not for you it's for your DS. Put it into a trust for him if you're that bothered about being seen as a "grabby cow" - but I'd actually use some of it for your DS now (maybe but £200 away a month for him if you can afford to?)

Remember who you are doing this for - not for you, not out of spite, but for your DS. Sorry his dad is such a cunt, btw. :(

Lets put this into perspective, OP - my Ex-P earns £16,800 a year, pays no pension contributions as he can't afford to. For the two DC's of mine that are his (IYSWIM), the CSA amount he should pay is £238 a month...

He is a grade A shitbag of the very highest order, and he needs to learn what a fucking condom is - as a Doctor, you'd think he would bloody know!!

(And my Ex-P actually pays MORE than the CSA say to - so I get £303 a month,from an income of £16.8k...)

What the fuck is he feeding the fish!

When he can no longer afford said fish he will have plenty of free time, he wont be walking it twice a day for starters. Give him the details for MEDACS, he can do some locum hours to support his child.

If this goes to court please invite me, I would love to see Dr Twat explain how he cant pay for his son as he is in a committed relationship with a very high maintenance neon tetra.

Sorry for being flippant, take the money he owes it to his child. even if you dont use it you can save it for his future.