To say fuck ruining your life, pay some bloody child maintenance

[MagicLlamaStrikesBack]

DS2(7) dad has chosen to have nothing to do with him.

He hasnt seen him now since just after Christmas. Prior to that hes seen him on about 5 occasions in the preceeding 12 months and that is the sum of his involvement in the whole of DSs life to date the fuckwit

Finally after being messed around with I will see him its just very difficult and lifes messy and whines about not knowing him, I in a fit of spiteful temper contacted the CSA in April. I let Ex know, cue a raft of text messages about his life being ruined, how he wouldnt be able afford to live, how selfish I was etc etc. Finally after me ignoring him he stopped texting.

The CSA have been useless a bit slow and its taken them until last week to actually get in contact with him, and ive received 4 missed calls from the Ex over the weekend, followed by a very self pitying facebook message yesterday, saying that they have assessed him at £375 per month!!! This will apparently ruin his life even more than me contacting him to try and get him to see DS did, he will not have any kind of life whilst he has to pay maintenance, it will mean he will lose his house, his partner is on the verge of leaving him because of this crap, he wont even be able to afford his dog, or his gym membership or even his (sob sob cry) fish.

My initial reponse if Fuck the Fuck Off, but I dont actually want to ruin his life, so am wobbling on the verge of backing down as all I wanted was for him to see DS.

Enter you just do not get it do you

it is not about you and your so called self respect it is about the child, is is not about the ex not wanting or supporting you or wanting his child it is about him being in some way responsible for his actiopns a child that is as much yours and the child is his everyone has to be responsible for their actions, is that not how you would bring a child up

Because the government hates men? Right?

Well "rights" are made up as we go along though. People throughout history have redefined rights of fathers and mothers.

she has responsability for her own body and anything in it,it may have escaped your attention but once a baby leaves a body it becomes a person in its own right and as such has certain legal protections one of those being to be cared for by both parents
Of course the child is at the mercy at whatever it's parents do or don't do. I think that you can raise a child to know the truth about an absent parent though without it being the be all and end all.
I just get cross with it always being about money. Why doesn't the law insist absent fathers have to put in a minimum of emotional support as well then? surely that's what most single mothers want for their children.

Because it's not emotionally healthy for a child to be in contact with a father who resents the fact that they are currently breathing?

because how damaging would that be a nrp being made to spend time with a child when they do not want to. i can not understand how someone can feel like that but some do. i can understand why many rp stop the nrp seeing their child when they often do not bother to turn up, it is sometimes easier for them to be out of the picture

money is needed, single parents should not have to rely on the state becasue the nrp does not want to act in a responsible way toward their own child they have to in some way

Because you can not legally force someone to have emotional involvement with their child. The courts don't have mind control.

EnterShikari- so if you became pregnant unexpectedly then you would not seek maintenance from the father as you wish to be entirely responsible (and does that view extend to all state provision as well I wonder?) Well bully for you. That's your choice.

However, the law says that Magic Llama is entitled to receive maintenance payments from the father for her child. So it really doesn't matter what you'd do from your hypothetical-lone-parent position- Magic's son is legally entitled to have provision made for him.

By the way, how do you think Magic's son is being provided for now? Yes, that's right- his mother has taken responsibility for that. You seem to be putting forward the argument that unwilling fathers are always being made to shoulder the entire financial burden- in fact in this case it would be that both parents would carry the financial responsibility.

Bottom line is that men who do not want to father a child either have a vasectomy (and get tested to prove that it's worked), or avoid PIV sex. Nobody forced DrArse to have sex with the 3 different mothers of his children.

Nothingold- having been brought up in a single parent household (albeit one where NRP had very regular contact with us, and paid maintenance without fail), I'd guess that most single parents would prioritise feeding, homing and clothing their child. Genuine emotional support would doubtless be welcome- but someone who has behaved in an abusive manner towards their spouse and children will not suddenly become a model parent under orders from the court, and it would be enormously destructive for a child to undergo enforced contact with a parent who resented their very existence.

Yes but since maintenance doesn't effect whatever the state provides who actually relies on the money from a clearly non involved parent.

Perhaps if there was a choice - pay up or see your child/write/send birthday presents etc.

Some fathers may well resent the fact that they are currently breathing for the very reason the op has described. I'd be pretty scared if I knew I'd have to pay for 18 years for a child conceived despite contraception.

because part funding a childs life can not possibly be harmfull to a child

forcing a nrp to spend time with a child against his/her will is emotionally harmfull to the child.

the very maximum the law allows is to make a nrp face up to there financial obligations.

people seam to forget that if the child lived with both parents then that child would benefit from way more than what the csa can force a nrp to pay way more and chances are it wouldnt be begrudged

Actaully I was fucking terrified but at least I knew I could could expect some state help.

nothinggold - you do indeed have to pay for 18 years for any child you conceive. Whether you are the Mother or the Father, whether they live with you or the other parent.

this is just mho but throwing in the 'state provides so who relies on any maintainance' thing is seriously fucked up

All good points but we are talking about a father who have said they didn't want children, have had sex with contraception and could have reasonably assumed the woman in question didn't want to get pregnant (she was on the pill).

Sorry but I would still think that having to pay for the next 18 years was a nightmare.

I can't believe what this thread has turned into.

Yes, poor Doctor Arse. Tricked by three different women into having four children and then forced to pay towards their upbringing. Then presumably also forced to not tell his current partner about one of his DC and when she finds out and realises what a knob he really is, decides she might leave him. Lets face it, if you really love someone you don't leave them over money, do you?

The sate pays so that women don't have to abort or rely on a one night stand for support. Nothing to say we can't support our own children and find a nice partner to raise our children with.

He wasn't that careful about not wanting children was he? If he was determined, he'd have had the snip. Given he already had THREE children, fgs. He had every opportunity to avoid a conception and he chose not to make sure.

He didn't love her!! They were having sex!.Neither of them wanted another child...she was on the pill. They gambled on small odds.
£45,000 is a lot of money. Whether he can afford it or not you would quibble a bit surely. I'm not saying men shouldn't pay etc but I can see how it makes them worried.

nothing im sure your not a compleate fuckwit but unfortunatly your sounding very much like one.

he didnt want children yet he ended up with 4 by 3 different ladys
he didnt want children yet he took no personal responsability for his own contraception on all these occasions
he didnt want children but was happy to aquire a stepchild

he at no time prior to having sex disclosed that hes a twat

he had compleate knowledge of maintainance liability.

poor poor man hes was so tricked NOT

Having to pay for the next 18 years for a child conceived accidentally would indeed be a nightmare.
But it's not just fathers who have to contribute financially is it?

And what a stupid statement Why don't the courts force emotional involvement - yes, because you can legislate to make people love their kids.

I am shocked that this is even a discussion.

Some fathers may well resent the fact that they are currently breathing for the very reason the op has described. I'd be pretty scared if I knew I'd have to pay for 18 years for a child conceived despite contraception.

Then don't take the risk, Do not ejaculate inside a womans vagina. Do you see how simple that is? And if you do risk it TOUGH LUCK if you are scared. There are plenty of ways to enjoy being intimate with someone that don't involve the possibility of impregnation.

That is where the responsibility for a man begins, Or do you believe it is his right to do this as much as he pleases because women can have abortions?

Abortion is not a form of contraception

Rowan
I have not even read the rest of the posts since I last posted, but imo it really is time to delete this thread. It is serving the OP no purpose, and is only making her more upset.

If those in favour / opposed to CSA wish to start a new thread where they can debate it, they can but this is just awful for the OP to have to read. It is no longer about her.

Abortion ideally shouldn't be a form of contraception but sometimes it is necessary.

and the love comment was clearly in ref to his current partner.

in most of my relationships i accept im mostly the higher earner if i ever ended up being a nrp for any child i have or have in the future i will most certainly pay not only would i pay the standered % the csa expected but i would also pay for schooling, holidays and anything else the child needed i would never not see a child even if i didnt want that child in the first place.
after all my inability to be responsable for my own life shouldnt impact apon the childs.
i would feel pretty crappy if my own personal standered of living were so much higher than my child

You are right AllYours you should only have penetrative sex if you can handle the risk. Pretty sure there was a reason the pill was invented though.Oh yes because no one sticks to that bloody rule do they.
Not me and not the Op.