To say fuck ruining your life, pay some bloody child maintenance

[MagicLlamaStrikesBack]

DS2(7) dad has chosen to have nothing to do with him.

He hasnt seen him now since just after Christmas. Prior to that hes seen him on about 5 occasions in the preceeding 12 months and that is the sum of his involvement in the whole of DSs life to date the fuckwit

Finally after being messed around with I will see him its just very difficult and lifes messy and whines about not knowing him, I in a fit of spiteful temper contacted the CSA in April. I let Ex know, cue a raft of text messages about his life being ruined, how he wouldnt be able afford to live, how selfish I was etc etc. Finally after me ignoring him he stopped texting.

The CSA have been useless a bit slow and its taken them until last week to actually get in contact with him, and ive received 4 missed calls from the Ex over the weekend, followed by a very self pitying facebook message yesterday, saying that they have assessed him at £375 per month!!! This will apparently ruin his life even more than me contacting him to try and get him to see DS did, he will not have any kind of life whilst he has to pay maintenance, it will mean he will lose his house, his partner is on the verge of leaving him because of this crap, he wont even be able to afford his dog, or his gym membership or even his (sob sob cry) fish.

My initial reponse if Fuck the Fuck Off, but I dont actually want to ruin his life, so am wobbling on the verge of backing down as all I wanted was for him to see DS.

Don't you dare back down! Stupid man he is !

I get called a money grabber and have to deal with constant comments and messages about the massive amounts ex has to pay each month. Ex has probably 5 x more disposable income after bills than I do. Its usually when he's skint that he suddenly becomes VERY bitter about the CS paid three weeks earlier. I always say why don't you go back to the pubs and restaurants you spent the money in and whinge to them about being Money Grabbers!? Why is it always me that gets it in the neck? The CS is the only decent money he spends IMO.

If you do not go through with this you are a fool.

Ignore his messages. Why is he in your fb? why are you having contact? If he is not seeing his son then there is no need whatsoever for you to talk to him.

There are two sets of rights - your right to have your son properly maintained and his right to see his son. He has made his choice. You now have to make yours. For the sake of your son.

Take the money - fuck his fish. The dog can be rehomed, the fish too. He can take up running instead of going to the gym - Voila - enough money saved to pay for the child maintenance without having to lose his house.

Has he any clue what an entitled twat he is ?

You could advise him that if his girlfriend is going to leave him over this then you have done him a massive favour, in unmasking her as a gold digger, as she was clearly only interested in his money anyway !

If you want to have contact point out that in thge future as an 18 year old your ds is more likely to have respect for his biological father if he realises that his father did pay towards the cost of bringing him up, even if he couldn't handle sporadic conatact with the boy.

He can afford the money.
He just doesn't want to pay it and thinks that he can play you for a fool. He has a responsibility to the child that HE helped to create.
The money is not for you, it's for his son to enjoy as a small compensation for being abandoned by his father. If you are managing without the cash at the moment, put it into a fund for DS to use when he goes to uni/saves for a house.
You have no right to back down and deprive him on it.

He is a prize prick. In no way will losing £375 ruin his life. He is seriouly making a load of cash if that is what he is assessed at having to contribute.

My friends' daughter who is now 22 has just made contact with her father. He didn't see her for years but he did pay his maintenance. It doesn't always end badly.

The thing is that your son's father has a responsibility to financially contribute to the care of his child. I would pursue him on those grounds alone. It is not your problem whether he 'suffers' as a result. He could have avoided this if he had been a little more reasonable I suspect!

He helped make a child, so he pays for some of the child's upbringing and the expenses that this may entail. Let him know that providing for his son trumps him having a GF, dog, fish etc. Oh, and if he didn't want to pay for his child, he should've refused to have sex. He's a Dr FFS, he should surely know that the only way to not risk pregnancy is to keep it in his pants.

There. Rant over.

No sympathy for your DH at all, if he pays higher rate tax he can find less than £100 a week.

have no sympathy for him. a doctor should know about contraception if he does not want children, and if he wanted to be sure then he should not have had sex.

tough. he is a big baby and looks a complete bastard ccaring moore about his fish than his child.

Arrghhh loads of posts whilst making a brew.

Yes his fucking fish I dont know whether to laugh, cry or rage!

In his defence .... and to drip feed a little .... cant believe im posting that ...

We were together only for a few months. DS was an accidental pregnancy in that my contraception must have failed - I was on the pill and definately didnt sleep with anyone else anywhere around the time. We had split up by the time I found out. I contact him but he was back with his Ex. She was teminally ill. He didnt feel able to deal with my pregnancy and "stuff". I had DS, let him know, he didnt want to know. I wrongly I suspect decided to leave him to it. I did however send photos yearly (to his parents house as I didnt know where he was living) and say he could contact if wanted.

Then (more drip feeding to prove hes a cunt)

DS got a bit older and asked about his dad. I got in touch with him and asked him to be part of DSs life. His current fiancee was supportive given that it doesnt look like he told her he had a DS!. He saw him twice in 2 months and decided it was too much pressure. His fiancee and his family got cross. He saw DS another handful of times, before just dropping off the face of the planet. I tried and tried to contact him, text, ring, email, fb. He ignored everything. I rang the CSA. Text him to tell him, and then he responded back pretty damn quick!

I think the reason I contacted the CSA in the first place because I was damned if I would let him walk away and forget about DS, but I know I did it from spite, which doesnt seem like a very good reason to do it, depsite the fact I know and am quite vocal about fathers supporting their kids.

All of that doesn't change the fact he has a responsibility to financially support his child. End of.

Freudian

He has some large pension contributions, he has some other kids (first I knew about it) and his fiancee has her child living with them, but even so, £375 is a massive amount of money to me!

But then I feel like a money grabbing cow, but equally I have no faith that if I made a private arrangement with him he would honour it because he just ignores me when he doesnt want to deal with me.

I am just about to make this phone call to the csa myself after 5 years of excuses that my exh can't afford to pay maintenance for his 3 children. You have spurred me on so thank you - its been a long time coming!

Even so, it still doesn't change the fact he should be supporting his child. He chooses to pay pension contributions to make his own life better in the future but it unwilling to pay to support his child. The man is a bit of a scumbag and I would stick with the legal agreement through the CSA and have no further contact with him outside of that arena.

His fish are more important than his child.

Whoever up thread said they thought that amount was 40% of his wage, may not have noticed that he's in the higher tax bracket and the figure given is a month NOT a week.

Tell him to fuck the fuck off untill he gets there then fuck off some more till he's fucked off so fucking far that he falls of the fucking edge.

If he couldn't afford to pay that ammount then they wouldn't have assessd him as being able to,he has a responsability to maintain his child sounds like he's damn lucky to have not done so for his entire life, incidently I have never met so much as one docter who couldn't afford kids as well as gym membership and fucking fish.

He is trying to use your dc as a weapon to make you back down saying I will see child if I don't have to maintain child is crappy parenting it's what manipulators do well NO sorry mate you have a responsability to do both shame you can only force him to do one. A bloke I was married to did this to all his ex's and used to laugh about how well it worked that's why the word was appears in that sentance.he bragged about how despite being in higher tax bracket he paid less than £60 pw for 3 kids and kept all the houses.

Well sorry but you now know how much he can afford to pay towards maintaining your child I think it's shoddy that he dosnt want to.

And I don't give a flying fuck if you are a millionare he still has a responsability and a legal duty to pay

oh i see

well you are not money grabbing at all i know it is hard not to feel that way, i did but i stood my ground because i knew it was the right thing to do and that feeling soon passed. you need this money to provide a home for your ds he should give it to you if he were a decent responsible man but he choses not to be how sad

His pension is his business and nothing for you to worry about.

His other DC are his concern - I may be wrong but I though they would have been taken into account when payment was decided.

The fact you weren't together for long doesn't change the fact it his DC.

Ignore him and let the csa get the money for your DS.

Well it must be difficult for him to accept given the circumstances of the conception. But that doesn't change the fact that he has brought a child into the world. He needs to (and I usually hate this exoression) man up and stop whining. He's already squirmed out of having any kind of relationship with his son, which is bad enough. He should not be allowed to squirm out of contributing financially ESPECIALLY given that he is in a high paying job!

Absolutely without hesitation take the money.

If you can manage without it then put in a savings account and your son can use it to fund Uni or as a deposit on his first flat. It is your sons money and he has every right to it, whether it be used to feed and clothe him now or later. Doesn't sound like his "father" will want to help him out.

You are not ruining this man's life however his behaviour is very likely to have a negative impact on your son's life. Don't feel sorry for him.

None of what you have said increases my sympathy for him. Everyone knows the pill is not 100% as a doctor he will have known.
None of what you have said absolves his responsibility. He needs to step up, he hasn't so you have taken the steps available to you.
How is it ok to care and provide for his gfs child but not his own. How could she want to be with someone who doesn't give a shit about his child.
Sounds like he needs to stop making children.
The fact he has children will have already been taken in to consideration. Had he have been a better father and human being, he wouldn't be in this position.

Reply with
Fuck your fish - pay for your child!

Then refuse to engage any further about this, with this sorry excuse for a human being.

Don't back down. No way.

£375 for a seven year old boy, what a bargain,

Is he a lovely child, entertaining, friendly?

I expect so, I would be very happy to pay £375, for a child, he needs to get over himself and love contributing to his son's life.

Omfg go read the csa website he gets a reduction because he has other children (if he pays anything for them) he gets a reduction because he has other children resident with him so this is not even the standered % assesment. He earns way more than you think.

Jesus christ I thought I was the only person who had an ex who resents every penny of the £5 pw minimum assesment in maintainance I get (army disability pension treated as a means tested benefit despite still owning the very lucrative company I gave him) the twat had the nerve to call me a money grabbing bitchwhen I once asked him to pay for a £3 school trip and had no cash on me and this was befor I got any csa money.

How much money have you paid towards the support of this unplanned child?

So, please don't call yourself a money grubbing cow!

This is not your money. It's your son's. Spend it on him, or save it to pay for university fees etc.

But please do accept it, on your son's behalf.