To say fuck ruining your life, pay some bloody child maintenance

[MagicLlamaStrikesBack]

DS2(7) dad has chosen to have nothing to do with him.

He hasnt seen him now since just after Christmas. Prior to that hes seen him on about 5 occasions in the preceeding 12 months and that is the sum of his involvement in the whole of DSs life to date the fuckwit

Finally after being messed around with I will see him its just very difficult and lifes messy and whines about not knowing him, I in a fit of spiteful temper contacted the CSA in April. I let Ex know, cue a raft of text messages about his life being ruined, how he wouldnt be able afford to live, how selfish I was etc etc. Finally after me ignoring him he stopped texting.

The CSA have been useless a bit slow and its taken them until last week to actually get in contact with him, and ive received 4 missed calls from the Ex over the weekend, followed by a very self pitying facebook message yesterday, saying that they have assessed him at £375 per month!!! This will apparently ruin his life even more than me contacting him to try and get him to see DS did, he will not have any kind of life whilst he has to pay maintenance, it will mean he will lose his house, his partner is on the verge of leaving him because of this crap, he wont even be able to afford his dog, or his gym membership or even his (sob sob cry) fish.

My initial reponse if Fuck the Fuck Off, but I dont actually want to ruin his life, so am wobbling on the verge of backing down as all I wanted was for him to see DS.

Or what if you have a baby as a couple and then when the baby is 2 or something the man decides to leave? Should that absolve him of any responsibility? He wanted the baby but doesn't now? Should it fall entirely on the woman even though that's not how they agreed and planned it?
Your views are so horribly sexist, making the world even harder for women and even more of a selfish walk in the park for men.

He has a choice. If you have made it clear that you wouldn't have an abortion and he chooses to run the risk of sexual intercourse with you then he had a choice. How is that not a choice? Please explain?

Nope I said just one post ago that he should make it clear from the start.

Sexist ha! No I just don't agree with women thinking they have this power over men, it's pathetic.

If he didn't want anything to do with my child then fuck him! His loss, I wouldn't want a penny.

Krumbum - so we should all abstain from sex because we might just fall pregnant? Yeah alright

Get DrArse, wild sower of seeds, to pay through the CSA and then ask him if he knows of any cheep fish going anywhere.

Maybe send him a vasectomy leaflet too.

I think if a father don't want a baby they should sign all rights to the mother. That way if the mother meets a man who is suitable to adopt the child then it will make adoption alot easier.

Yes I do think people should take the fact that penetrative sex could result in pregnancy more seriously. You can choose to abstain from intercourse if you seriously don't want a baby. That isnt insane, it's being an adult.
Or use 2 forms of contraception, but still be aware that they can fail, again thinking like a grown up.
How do you expect to police this? How would the csa prove if the guy wanted the baby or not?
Yes your opinions are very sexist because it takes away the bodily autonomy of women and means women are ''blamed' for having wombs and carrying children. It also means that childcare is seen as the role of women which it shouldn't be. This isn't women having power of men it is children having the right to be supported by their parents. What do you think the women personally gain? A tiny bit of money that would never cover what it costs to raise a child.
Again, have you had an abortion? Because you seem to think they are wonderful and easy. Just because it is possible now doesn't mean it's something we should have to do, it's pro CHOICE. You can't put what happens to your body in the hands of someone else.

Should add this should be before the birth

EnterShikari - Your statement is all about you. What about the childs rights. I'm with Krumbrm. It is a choice

Shikari, if you have a child, you don't get to absolve your partner of his responsibilities to his child. It isn't just about you.

Furthermore, let's explore your reasoning. Let's extend it. IIRC, if 100 women use the pill perfectly over a year, 1 will become pregnant. Condoms have a failure rate of two women per 100, per year. Now, you've already stated that if a man says he doesn't want a child to a pregnant woman, you believe his responsibilities end. So how do you stand on a planned child, that turns out to be twins? Does a man have a right to say, "I'll support one but not the other"? Selective termination is possible. Probably pretty difficult to get in a healthy pregnancy, but theoretically a woman could find two doctors to sign off on it, and a team to do it. The statistical likelihood of identical twins (the rate of identical twins is generally constant across ethnic groups, and age groups) is something like 1 in 400 pregnancies. So, are you consistent here?

I'd love to see Shakiri standing by her principles when she can't afford to put food on the table, and her ex is swanning off on foreign holidays wih his new family!

Ooh, here's another one. How about if a man tells his girlfriend that he's really upset about the sex of the baby on the 20 week scan. He wanted a daughter, and it's going to be a boy. Is it okay for him to say he'll have nothing to do with the child? I mean, the woman's got legal "options" for another four weeks!

Please, OP, don't listen to the people who are trying to detail this thread. I'm not a feminist, or a man hater, or anything like that - I was brought up by a Lobe Parent FATHER with a mother that wouldn't pay for my upkeep.

I think that BOTH parents, be they make or female, need to contribute towards the upbringing of a child.

If my mother had bothered, I might have been able to have clothes without holes in when I was growing up. But going down the pub and chasing men mattered more to her than I did.

I can assure you, lookingtoshinford, that I have no axe to grind when it comes to MEN, but I DO have a very large axe to grind against NRP's of EITHER sex that refuse to pay towards the upbringing of their child.

So call me all the names under the sun, but my DAD brought me up to know that a man makes the decision to be a responsible father the minute he decided to have sex.

Because my DAD wasn't a useless cunt like some men are. And like some women are. Like my mother was.

Not every pregancy ends with 2 loving parents.

In some of your therorys Even if the birth parents put there child up for adoption they should pay maintances. How about egg and sperm doners should they be responsible for a child they help create.

As I said if a father to be don't want a baby they should be able to opt out before the baby is born.

Mchappy, read the post below yours. Every child has a right to support from both parents -financial, practical and emotional. Don't want the responsibility? Then don't have a child.

Your exaggerations don't hold water - adoption is, by definition, the severing of legal and any other ties between parent and child. The adoptive parents become responsible. Egg and sperm donors have no legal relationship with the offspring so created.

This thread is an absolute disgrace. This is not an abstract thread about the rights and wrongs of child support payment, it is a support thread by a woman who is upset, and who has a little boy who is also upset.

It is absolutely disgusting that the bash women brigade have jumped all over it to make their misogynistic woman-blaming points. If you want to start a thread entitled "aibu to think that the majority of NRPs who pay no child support are perfectly within their rights because women are evil sperm stealers" then go right the fuck ahead. But don't bring this shit to a woman's thread where she's upset and in need of support.

"making parents' lives easier" MY ARSE.

Yes, we know not every pregnancy ends with two loving parents. It's one of the reasons behind the creation of the CSA.

So, are you willing to assert the moral right of a (wo)man to opt out of parenting one twin, or not?

Don't have sex with someone if you wouldn't be happy to have a child with that person. He made his choice, knowing sometimes contraception fails. Tough.

"As I said if a father to be don't want a baby they should be able to opt out before the baby is born."

I think you will find that for all but the last 10 years of British history, that has been the case, and it still is in many parts of the world. I am stunned to think that you see men being able to shag away to their hearts' content and leave women to pick up the pieces as an acceptable state of affairs.

There is a way for men to opt out even before conception. Yes!! It's called vasectomy.

so if a woman gets pregnant despite using contraception then either parent can just opt out of any obligations because the woman has choices?
so what if it wouldnt cause any mental or physical health issues for her or her other children for her to continue with the pregnancy?

under those circumstances she has no option to continue with a pregnancy.

with that in mind she has no choices other than adoption perhaps she knows how many children are still in care unadopted so for her this is not a option.
if her choice is a child living a life in the care system as opposed to a loving home is this not a compleate no brainer?

perhaps the onus should be on the party who would want to opt out of all responsabilities to state firmly before any sex happened that they will compleatly opt out they may give a half arsed attempt to give a shit but in reality they wont and they wont even financially support any child and if they can get a legal document witnessed and signed by all parties possibly indulging in sexual contact stating such then fair play.

somehow i expect a large ammount of blokes would find it impossible to get laid

So what about the man who's condom splits? He has tried to "not make a baby" but still relies on the woman to get morning after pill etc etc. Why should he pay if he has made it clear that he didn't want a child. Why are women never asked to be responsible about who they sleep with yet men are being lectured about PIV leading to pregnancy.

If both parents are responsible then why can't men stop abortions if they are willing to have the baby once it's born. There would be an outcry that's bloody why - because it's the woman's right to choose what happens to her body. Surely that gives women more responsibility and therefore it's not about sharing the responsibility really

nothinggold
how is a woman who provides for her child cares for her child not being responsable for her having sex with the father of that child just because she also expects the father to be jointly financially responsable?

and with regard to your second point, your a fucking disgrace to human kind.

she has responsability for her own body and anything in it,it may have escaped your attention but once a baby leaves a body it becomes a person in its own right and as such has certain legal protections one of those being to be cared for by both parents

Oh don't worry nothingold.

Only two fifths of single parents receive any maintenance whatsoever from the NRP. So the responsibility isn't being shared equally, not by a long shot.

Still that's ok then, because men can't stop abortions

I agree WhatWouldMargoDo and the Op has many posters telling her that her child's father is a shit. This is probably helping her because it's nice to feel you YANBU.
I don't think what the op is looking for can be found here though. She wants her child to have it's father and whatever she does there is a big possibility this won't happen. I'm sure MagicLama doesn't want to make the situation worse and is looking for reassurance. I's say look at what he does with the other children he has. If he pays and takes an interest then it may make him involved. If it doesn't then £45,000 will help your son no end at 18.

anybody know why the csa and befor that maintainance court orders were invented?