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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my childminder puts her own children before mine?

183 replies

BlackholesAndRevelations · 19/06/2012 15:53

of course I'm not stupid and I know she will do this... It's just that I'm getting fed up with her cutting corners for the sake of her kids, when I'm paying her to do me a service.

I'm thinking of sending them to nursery full time instead, so that i know where they are all the time (instead of on massive long car journeys), and can pick them up whenever i want (instead of waiting for them to return from long journeys)... despite believing that my baby should be with a childminder (he's 9 months at the mo but will be almost 1 when I return to work).

WWYD? (re: nursery or childminder)

OP posts:
CailinDana · 19/06/2012 15:54

What exactly is your objection to how she treats your child?

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 19/06/2012 15:55

Can't you find a different childminder? Have you spoken to your current one and told her that her "routine" is unacceptable to you as it stands?

cheekybarsteward · 19/06/2012 15:55

Nursery, I like the benefit of several people being aware of my child's welfare IYSWIM but personnal choice obv.

Original poster
BlackholesAndRevelations · 19/06/2012 15:57

She treats my child brilliantly and I love her! I just don't like them going on hour long car journeys for the sake of picking her kids up. There are other things related, eg changing contract because of something or other related to her kids. I was just wondering if it's worth putting up with this or if I should try the nursery (which they'll both be going to part time anyway, as she can't cover ft)

OP posts:
ginnybag · 19/06/2012 15:59

There's always going to be a certain amount of compromise in whatever care setting you pick for your child, unless you can afford a one-to-one nanny, or you can stay at home, because there are always going to be other children, whether CM's own or other mindees whose needs have to be met as well.

I suppose it depends on what you want that compromise to be - nursery's have their own, and some 'compromises' aren't really 'compromises' at all but could be seen as good things.

What do you mean by 'putting them first' and 'long' car journeys?

Original poster
BlackholesAndRevelations · 19/06/2012 15:59

Mind you there is also the fact that most of dd's obs recently have been negative. I want to be aware of troublesome behaviour but I'd also like to know what she's done well, too.

OP posts:
applepieinthesky · 19/06/2012 16:00

It?s personal choice but if you prefer a childminder why don?t you raise your concerns with her and see if you can come to an agreement? If not maybe look for a different childminder?

NarkedRaspberry · 19/06/2012 16:01

Er, picking her children up is hardly putting 'her own children before mine'. And mine loved the car at that age. If you're not happy, move them, but all childminders will have things they need to do whilst caring for your DCs. Maybe nursery is better for what you want.

Original poster
BlackholesAndRevelations · 19/06/2012 16:01

Long= an hour or so! And dropping off/picking up early so she can do something with or for her kids.

OP posts:
skybluepearl · 19/06/2012 16:03

An hour is a long time. OK if baby is asleep but not great otherwise.

GrahamTribe · 19/06/2012 16:03

I'm with you all the way, cheeky. Besides, a nursery has nothing to do but cater for DC. A CM will almost always have other commitments and responsibilities. I've raised an eyebrow when friends' DC have been taken with the CM to her GP's appointments etc. I just assumed that this would be something she'd do in her own time but apparently it's quite common. Owing to all that, Blackholes, it would be nursery all the way for me.

Lac365 · 19/06/2012 16:04

I'm all in favour of Nursery. As cheeky says, more people responsible for your little one. If one is having an off day (which we all do) then the others step up/in and can pull the focus back (IFSWAM).

Also, before long your little one will crave the company and stumulation that Nurserys provide. Assuming you find a good one!

For me, DD has already started her education. Early days stuff is so important!

porcamiseria · 19/06/2012 16:04

the benefit of a CM is a home from home environment and more one-on-one care

if you dont feel like you get this, then def consider a move to a Nursery

I would never use a CM again, for reasons like this

Original poster
BlackholesAndRevelations · 19/06/2012 16:05

Narkedraspberry- how about changing contract and hours? I appreciate different points of view. I think maybe little one will go to her but DD won't. Then when nursery can fit DS in ft he'll go there too. So difficult though as I do like her. I just don't like the fact that they'll be in someone else's car for hours at a time. I keep thinking "what if she crashes?!" irrational I know Sad

OP posts:
CockBollocks · 19/06/2012 16:06

You cant expect a childminder to be the same as a nursery, your child will have to fit into the family routine and the only way your child will be the sole focus is if you employ a nanny.

It sounds like you are just not keen on your childminder anymore tbh and if thats the case then you probably should change.

Bear in mind that you will have things you dont like about nurseries.

They are not flexible, cost more etc I would wait until DC has attended the nursery for a bit to see whether the grass is actually greener.

Original poster
BlackholesAndRevelations · 19/06/2012 16:07

Oh yes the GP appointments- we've had that too. I just think that I'm paying her to look after my kids but she's just getting on with her daily life but with toddlers in tow! Nice work if you can get it. Will have a word with oh later.

OP posts:
Mosman · 19/06/2012 16:09

This is why I wouldn't use a childminder, I did once and she proudly told me how my 1 year old had been on the train into town that day to go to boots to pick up the last of her holiday shopping. I was speechless, £40 a day to go shopping nice work if you can get it.
I also don't believe for a moment if your child and hers is crying at the same time it'll be yours that gets picked up first.

CockBollocks · 19/06/2012 16:09

on a side note - where the bloody hell does she go that she needs to drive for an hour!!

DuelingFanjo · 19/06/2012 16:10

I chose nursery for the reasons you put in your OP.

  1. No chance of my DS being ferried about twice a day on a school drop off
  2. Can pick him up at any time of day
  3. Less likely to have his needs passed over because of childminder's own children
  4. Several people there to watch over all the children and no randoms/family members/friends popping in

It's a personal choice but I feel happier with mine.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 19/06/2012 16:11

My god, a CM that needs to take her kid to the GP?? What is the world coming to!!

Seriously, take your DC to a nursery, you sound far too intolerant to enjoy the benefits of a decent CM!

Mosman · 19/06/2012 16:11

Having said that there are childminders that have two or three women in a home environment where they do nothing but look after the children, I know one who isn't actually that nice a person if i'm honest but nobody could accuse her of doing anything but dedicating 100% of her time "at work"

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 19/06/2012 16:13

I used a CM when DS was little because I wanted him to enjoy a family atmosphere when I was at work rather than a nursery. Worked for us and if he had to go out ocassionally with her to collect her kids - no big deal!

Original poster
BlackholesAndRevelations · 19/06/2012 16:13

Thanks cockbollocks [blushing at your rude name! Wink ]

I will see how nursery goes and how well they fit in there. I don't want to be a SAHM but it's so difficult and guilt-inducing finding childcare for precious first and second borns Sad

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 19/06/2012 16:14

A one off hour long car journey to pick up her kids wouldn't worry me, but if it was every day then I don't think I would like it at all.

CockBollocks · 19/06/2012 16:14

I just think that I'm paying her to look after my kids but she's just getting on with her daily life but with toddlers in tow! Nice work if you can get it

Hmm you are probably paying her less than half minimum wage to take care of your child, something I know you realise is not easy or without stress. Maybe you should have researched the type of care you wanted more carefully.