Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my childminder puts her own children before mine?

183 replies

BlackholesAndRevelations · 19/06/2012 15:53

of course I'm not stupid and I know she will do this... It's just that I'm getting fed up with her cutting corners for the sake of her kids, when I'm paying her to do me a service.

I'm thinking of sending them to nursery full time instead, so that i know where they are all the time (instead of on massive long car journeys), and can pick them up whenever i want (instead of waiting for them to return from long journeys)... despite believing that my baby should be with a childminder (he's 9 months at the mo but will be almost 1 when I return to work).

WWYD? (re: nursery or childminder)

OP posts:
Rockpool · 19/06/2012 16:14

Blimey I'd much rather my kids were out and about enjoying real life (which is what they would do with me)rather than stuck inside some nursery.

Mosman · 19/06/2012 16:15

I've not met a child yet who enjoy's going on a school run Hmm

NarkedRaspberry · 19/06/2012 16:16

She's allowed to do that too! Just as you are allowed to not like it and have your DCs cared for elsewhere!

If it's not working for you move them. There's no point in keeping them there if you're unhappy and when you're back to working FT her 'dropping off early' won't be possible.

All childminders will have some day to day stuff that they'll take your DC with them to do. Maybe you can find one that has DCs at a school within walking distance? Even then, they may change things. If you want 100% consistency then nursery is the way to go. The main thing is not to tear yourself up about it - wherever you send them they will be well cared for, so pick what works best for you.

ViolaCrayola · 19/06/2012 16:16

I'm not sure if I entirely understand this attitude TBH - I thought that the whole idea of childminders as opposed to more institutional settings was that the child took part in everyday life? Eg going to the shops on the train, going to the doctor - my toddler loves all these activities and I personally wouldn't mind at all.

He doesn't go to childminder or nursery ATM but has a mix of care from me, his dad (mostly), my parents and (once a week) a nanny/babysitter - none of us would think twice about 'getting on with our daily lives' with him in tow, as long as we were doing fun things with him as well. Does she do nice activities/playgroups/play with them too?

The long car journeys sound a bit tiring if they're all the time - or are they just occasional?

NarkedRaspberry · 19/06/2012 16:21

I have small ones and acquired big ones. The big ones are homing, so don't require collection, but on the odd occasions I do go the car is full of joyful squeals. And embarrased teens Grin.

Trioofprinces · 19/06/2012 16:22

I chose nursery too for both of mine. They went 3 days pw from about 9-10mths and were both happy. We went through 3 nurseries (one shut down, then decided to swap nursery for DS2 when DS1 went to school).
Our reasoning for choosing nursery was that DSs wouldn't get too attached to any one person and also wouldn't be too dependent on how that person felt all day. Ie if CM is having a bad day, then dc are likely to have a bad day. Same i they are sick or on holiday In nursery it's diluted so you're not dependent on one person.

Now they are at school they go to CM one day a week but it is a friend. I probably wouldn't have sought out a CM if she hadn't have been doing it, we'd have arranged work around school times.

Original poster
BlackholesAndRevelations · 19/06/2012 16:23

Oh the journeys are most days and I think I'm worried about their safety in the car, which may be stupid but it's how I feel. I do want home-from-home obviously but maybe I'm just selfishly thinking my kids shouldnt be carted around like baggage! Sorry. Just feeling very emotional about the whole thing so maybe not as rational as I should be- hence posting for opinions.

OP posts:
spammertime · 19/06/2012 16:26

My boys have always gone to a nursery, but isn't one massive advantage of a childminder the fact they will do "everyday" things? I honestly would have no problem with my children being taken to the doctors or going to eg Tesco's - they do those with me and I'm sure a childminder would make it much more fun than I do.

Like someone else said, it sounds to me like you need a nanny....

Original poster
BlackholesAndRevelations · 19/06/2012 16:26

I do want nursery for my 2.5 yo and thinking that as my baby will be almost 1 it won't be too bad

OP posts:
CockBollocks · 19/06/2012 16:26

narked arf at homing teenagers!!

I [blush at my own name still - it is the remnants of a protest that didnt really go anywhere to MNHQ!!

laurenamium · 19/06/2012 16:28

i am yet to find a child that likes going on a school run

My DD LOVES the school run! We get there 5 minutes earlier so she can toddle around and peer at the older children, and on a morning the big kids come to see her and she loves the attention! Lots to see and take in and a spot of fresh air too!

Original poster
BlackholesAndRevelations · 19/06/2012 16:30

Ps isn't min wage about a fiver? In which case she's not getting less than half!

OP posts:
Original poster
BlackholesAndRevelations · 19/06/2012 16:31

This school run is just an hour in the car while teenagers jump in! No fresh air or other kids to see.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 19/06/2012 16:31

You want a nanny by the sounds of it. Your CM might seem like a better deal once you have looked into how much they cost!

sunshinesparkles · 19/06/2012 16:32

Why is your child with a childminder if you're not back at work yet?!

valiumredhead · 19/06/2012 16:33

There might be 101 reasons why not sun. My ds went to a CM and I wasn't working at the time.

applepieinthesky · 19/06/2012 16:34

Minimum wage is £6.08 or something and going up to £6.19, not a fiver.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 19/06/2012 16:34

I am sure they arent being carted around like baggage to be honest and you do sound a bit over emotional about it really. I dont think an hour is going to do them any harm and as the world doesnt revolve around them, its never too early to learn this.

CockBollocks · 19/06/2012 16:35

Err no £6.18 an hour.

You might be a little shocked at the price of nursery if you dont know how much minimum wage is!!

Youcanringmybell · 19/06/2012 16:35

£6.08 - National Minimum wage.

This is exactly the kind of attitude that has factored in me giving up childminding after 6 years. There is no thanks. One parent wants one thing, another parent wants something else.
All most childminders do is care for your child, play with your child, keep them safe and help the develop into beautiful, well-rounded children. But for some reason it isn't good enough for some people.
Not a moan at the OP - but more about the opinions of others on this thread Sad

applepieinthesky · 19/06/2012 16:36

I wouldn't have a problem with the car journeys. But I would have an issue with picking up/dropping off early if it's frequently. That clearly won't work when you're working full time.

Original poster
BlackholesAndRevelations · 19/06/2012 16:36

Bettyswollocks- just saw your reply. I am not intolerant of my cm. Why do people have to be so confrontational and downright rude on mumsnet? I appreciate the varied opinions but don't think you need to be like that.

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 19/06/2012 16:38

My sole reason for chosing a nursery over a CM was that I'm crap at putting my views across in RL and I knew if I was unhappy with a CM I would have real problems discussing this. In a nursery there's a manager, and a structure, and on the very few occasions where I did have small things to moan about, it was dealt with very professionally. CM wouldn't have worked for me.

But as others have said, it's your choice. If she has to pick up her kids every day then she's not going to be able to change that, so either you accept it or change your care provider.

valiumredhead · 19/06/2012 16:39

You do sound very intolerant OP, i can see why betty responded in the way she did.

ViolaCrayola · 19/06/2012 16:39

Well daily car journeys of that length aren't ideal, obviously. But I guess for me it would depend on the overall balance of the day - what kinds of things they do for most of the day and (most importantly) how she is with them and what kind of relationship they have with her. If you're unhappy with this and it's worrying you then of course move them - but most children don't like upheaval so I would think very carefully before you do. It's very understandable that you're feeling emotional about this so please don't feel you have to apologise.

What I would do if I was you would be to draw up a list of the pros and cons of nursery (preferably a specific one) and your childminder - if these are definitely your options - to make sure you make a choice you're comfortable with. I.e. if you really want home from home, most nurseries don't really provide that. Likewise if you don't want to worry about them being in a car with a childminder, then a nursery works better there. Also the different children's ages and how that plays into things. Hope you find a situation you're happy with. :)