To think that my childminder puts her own children before mine?

[BlackholesAndRevelations]

of course I'm not stupid and I know she will do this... It's just that I'm getting fed up with her cutting corners for the sake of her kids, when I'm paying her to do me a service.

I'm thinking of sending them to nursery full time instead, so that i know where they are all the time (instead of on massive long car journeys), and can pick them up whenever i want (instead of waiting for them to return from long journeys)... despite believing that my baby should be with a childminder (he's 9 months at the mo but will be almost 1 when I return to work).

WWYD? (re: nursery or childminder)

I have worked in a nursery and as a CM and both can be wonderful depending on what you want for your particular child.

When I was a CM I absolutely got on with my day, with obvious changes (no wine or inappropriate television for a start :o ) but I cleaned my house, ran errands, etc. I had a little girl who arrived at 5 a.m. and two brothers who left around 7 p.m., so I really didn't have much of a choice for some things!

However, I do know a CM who woke all of the children up from nap early every day to go pick up her son from school, and I would not be okay with that scenario.

I must add that I appreciate my childminder enormously. When I had hyperemesis expecting dd, she was my one and only lifeline. She looked after my son every day for 16 weeks. She even took him for a vaccination because I was so sick I couldnt stand up and wouldn't have been able to take him myself. She picked him up and dropped him off every day. So I feel v lucky, and for me, it was very fortunate I didn't choose a nursery as they couldn't have helped me in that way.

I am that people think its not acceptable for a cm to do the school run for her own children! An hours journey is twenty minutes each way and ten minutes wait for the kids. That's quite acceptable for a school run for a normal person! Wtf is she meant to do?
And will it still be unacceptable when it's the mindees that need to be picked up? Or does it only apply to her own kids?

Not dancing to your tune ? Anyone would think they wer offering a service or something ? CM do themselves no favours on threads like these.

I would say a 20 min each way drive for the school run is far from normal in most areas. 20 minutes isn't in most cases the local school. Now of course the childminder has to do the school run that is needed for her children, and as long as parents are told this before they start they have to accept that. But if not told then I can understand parents being pissed off.

mosman I had been thinking exactly the same.

Twenty minutes is nothing in school run traffic. My local secondary is twenty minutes away. In my old village the catchment school was in the nearby town, and half an hour in the car easily.
And that's really a moo point. She should be putting the needs of all the children in her care equally. As I said, what about when the mindees go to school? Will that school run not be ok?

imperial no parents do not employ me

If they did i would get sick pay, paid holidays and a lovely maternity package when expanding my family.

Re your thoughts on firing etc..

When a parent comes to me i interview them as much as they do me. were not on the bloody apprentice with your hired your fired crap.

This thread is actually surprising me at the amount of cm bashing going on, surely those of you complaining about what your cm does would of found out their routines at the beginning??

I've had parents come to me with expectations of doing what they want all day every day and I've set them back on their way because its not realistic to expect that of a cm.

The school run is a red herring it's the days out to Boots, trips to the GP's, doing the weekly shop which could be done outside of working hours if they aren't an emergency or a one off people object to.

But surely you can see why parents wouldn't want their young child spending 2 hours a day (assuming the school run needs doing both ways) in a car before any other activites? Thats a quarter of an 8 hour day in the car without adding on the rest of the trips.

I still stand by the fact in most areas an hour long school run isnt the norm. If that's what the CM needs she has to do it, but by the same measure parents are free to find someone else to provide childcare if thats what they prefer.

For those of you who object to CMs taking the children shopping etc, what are you expecting them to do all day with the children? I thought they just go on with their lives the same way you or I would, whilst looking after the kids - so doing errands that need doing, and when at home entertaining the children.

I have no idea as I have no kids, so I am a bit bemused.

reading this thread i am feeling really sorry for childminders such a shame as these people don't get paid that much and do an awful lot for children lots of paperwork too, I doubt many people would work for the pay they get it is hardly a fantastic career, they are not a nursery they are usually parents themselves looking after children and doing day to day things,

mossman

I would be interested in where you think a cm could do these things in spare time..

For example i work 8am -6pm, then an hour of paperwork each day that's 7pm then i need to bath and bed my own dcwhich tales about an hour so 8pm. then clearing up from the day and mine and my dh dinner were talking 10pm before sitting down then it bed time.

I do this 5 days a week, please do tell ne where in that time I can avoid taking mindless to the shop or to the bank?

Sorry for spelling on my phone!! Auto correct is not my friend

Skinny So does everyone else who goes to work, there is internet banking, online shopping and Dr's surgeries stay open until 7pm and the walk in centre's until 10pm.
Really, the truth is it's either a highly regulated career or it's Mrs Biggins doing a spot of babysitting which therefore cannot be compared with a nursery.
Can't have it both ways.

I agree, I feel sorry for some the CM's on here. It's a tough job and consider this: For whatever you're insisting be done, there's another parent, perhaps even two or three other parents, also insisting things be done - paying just as much!

Any outsourced childcare is always going to be a balancing act, between the demands of the various children, mindees or not, the demands of real life, and the demands of the various parents. Nursery's do this by stating, very bluntly, this is what we do and do not do - like it or don't.

CM's have more give and take, because they tend to have fewer children, but, bluntly, it isn't ever going to be about you, exclusively, or your DC.

Here's a classic (and I'm speaking from pfb experience here - thank God my CM was too polite to call me a tit ) When my DD started with her CM, she slept 10-12 in the morning. All the other mindees slept 1-3 in the afternoon.

I was a bit, er, grumpy about the CM changing DD's routine, and said so. CM, without ever directly telling me to shut up saying so, managed to make the point that if she stayed in for DD to sleep in the mornings, and then stayed in for other DC to sleep in the afternoon, she'd never go out. There were two other mindees, so DD, the minority, needed to change.

And she did, and it didn't kill her. She still (2 years later) sleeps 10-11 with me when we're off, but she's been perfectly fine with after lunch with the CM.

My point is, this was a needed compromise. I'm sure, if DD really hadn't been able to adjust, we'd have figured out something, or I'd have changed CM, but it wasn't needed.

If you feel your CM loves your child, and they're happy and developing there, and the only thing you're not happy about is the driving, then ask about the driving.

If you don't feel that they're happy and developing, move them, but be prepared for anywhere else you out them to also have things that you won't like.

There's only so much a CM can do on her own all day in the house with children. Toddler groups only run for two hours at a time normally and parks get boring if you go there every day. Going out to shops and banks etc is part of the normal running of everyday life and teaches children how to behave in those settings. I'd be pretty surprised if a CM never took children shopping etc. It would be very odd. What would she do instead? There are a lot of hours in the day and children need variety. Going out and doing errands is part of that.

We chose a nursery over a child minder for dd1 as it was just 2 days a week. We preferred the fact that there were more people around (not the easist baby), and didn't mind that she didn't have one main person as I was with her 5 days a week. Had I been working full time it would have been a CM so that she had that family situation and a substitute parent figure.

I always allow an hour for our school run, it is only 15 min away but by the time I get ds out and either in pushchair/car seat/ scooter, get to school early so children not waiting, collected dc got them into a car/collected scooters and got them home, it is about an hour. That is and always has been life for ds, plus my DDs have after school activities such as swimming etc.

ds however benefits as he has my time (well when not on MN) during the day and two fabulous big sisters. Maybe a CM with much older children or children who are just preschoolers would suit you better.

The op never mentioned boots or shopping. I'm objecting to the tone of her op. the cm can't look after her own children? It's a school run FFS.
And nobody has answered my question. will it be acceptable when it's the ops Dcs needing to be dropped off and picked up at school? It's often very difficult to get a gp appointment at a specific time, is the cm meant to just never go? Yes it's an hour each trip, but the children can easily have books, crayons, toys, an audio book playing, a DVD in the car.
The whole selling point of being a CM, when I looked into it, was that it fitted in with your own family. Doing household stuff, going shopping being in the car can all be educational. I taught my smallest charge to count, and add, when she accompanied me to the horses, and i picked up the muck. We counted piles of poo! She learned money in the shops. We often had books playing in the car, or played what colour is that car? Or count the red/yellow cars. We discussed nature, buildings, the people we saw in the street. Op is being far to precious. She needs to get a nanny.

The fact still remains that each parent is paying a ridiculously small hourly rate and that is not enough to dictate that the CM behaves like a nanny. They pay that small hourly rate, in recognition of the fact that the CM will not be doing activities centre around the minded child for the whole day. Sometimes she will be doing things for her own family.

It's pointless to say that overall her hourly rate is above MW - the only aspect of the deal that each family ought to consider is what they personally are paying, in order to receive child care for their child. Do they feel they are getting proper care and value for money, given what they are paying and would they get a comparable service elsewhere, without significantly increasing their costs.

Seems to me that a lot of you want a nanny service, on the cheap.

Remember that if you have a nanny, you will be liable for their tax/NI, their sick pay, their holiday pay. You will likely have to provide a car for the nanny to use during the day and will have all the mess in your house, rather than someone else's.

Nurseries charge you for times when they are not even open and if you choose to collect your dc early, you will still pay the full rate. My friend found private school fees to be cheaper than the fees for her dd's nursery.

All settings have their pluses and minuses, but some of you need to get out of the mindset that the piddling amount of money that you personally hand over to the CM, gives you the right to dictate her life. She doesn't work for you - she offers a service that you agreed to when you signed your contracts.

I wouldn't necessairly be so fussed re the car journeys if they were irregular but I would be unhappy about negative observations, that shouldn't really happen as its about the learning etc so how can it be negative? Unless you mean she is telling you about naughty behaviour which is different to observations?

Definitely nursery for the older child and another childminder if possible for the baby.

Cockwomble I thought childminders were mainly ofsted registered (the ones I know are) so I thought they should be doing child related activities similar to a nursery/preschool?

accountantsrule, they do, but just not all the time.

My goodness 'trips' to the doctors - how often do you think CM need to go to the doctors. I've been once this year!!

I would use a CM and not a nursery for a child under 2/2.5ish. It is just less institutional. I know quite a few childminder, about a 1/3 of who I would trust with my DC. If I used one i would have no qualms at all about them going shopping, GPs etc. Why would I? It is just daily life, same as they would be doing with mum/dad if they were at home with them. I see why some CM get peed of at the sense of entitlement by some parents!

yes minders are registered but they are not running a nursery that is why parents use them
I do think views of childmiders have gone a bit over the years they mind children,
do things that a parent would do during the day and that may or may not include school runs trips to doctors or going to the shops for milk.
my friend is a minder she has a lovely playroom for her mindees,
she also does nursery/school drops goes to toddler groups and even goes to the bank on the way home,
she also has to fill out reports for her mindees provide age appropriate activities and sometimes she does emergency minding for social work, that is alot to fit in a week imo