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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

... in thinking my sister sends her son to bed too early?

191 replies

shoegal34 · 14/05/2012 09:27

He's 10, nearly 11. Goes to bed 730pm week nights, 8pm weekends. She pretty much rules with an iron fist, v strict parenting.

I feel for him, he always looks sad when it's time for bed but never argues. I was there at the weekend. I didn't understand why he couldn't stay up and watch the 'family' shows with us - BGT and the like. Tried to fight his corner a little (not while he was there). Got nowhere.

I don't have kids (hope to soon though). I often babysit my other nieces, same age as nephew, they are allowed to stay up 'til ten on a weekend. I sometime let them stay up 'til eleven if we're watching a film

I know it's subjective and each parent to their own. Just wondering what others' opinions are?

OP posts:

insancerre · 14/05/2012 09:29

YABU
he's not your child

Olympia2012 · 14/05/2012 09:29

Yes, agree, that's sounds very controlling and a little early.

wishiwasonholiday · 14/05/2012 09:29

My 7 year old doesn't go to sleep til 9 no matter what time I send him, is he allowed to read or anything? Every child is different though, maybe he's grumpy if he doesn't go at that time?

NakedButNotFamous · 14/05/2012 09:32

Very early for that age IMO. My 4 year old stays up a bit later than that. 8pm weeknights and 8.30-8.45 weekends. People might say that's a little late though.

bringbacksideburns · 14/05/2012 09:33

That's ridiculous - poor lad.

My son is 11 and goes up at 9.30.

halcyondays · 14/05/2012 09:33

All children are different but, yes, that sounds like a very early bedtime for a child of nearly eleven. After all, things like Scouts would go on later than that on a weeknight and as you say most kids of that age would be allowed to stay up a bit later on a Saturday night and watch TV or whatever.

bringbacksideburns · 14/05/2012 09:33

He stays up later at weekends.

GnocchiNineDoors · 14/05/2012 09:36

I think that is too early for that age group, however, his DM may well have a good reason for it. Maybe he is not a morning person, and the later he goes to bed the worse he is in the morning? Do they have a very early start? For instance, if she needs to drop him of in childcare for 7am in order to get herself to work, then he needs a little earlier a bedtime.

As to him looking sad, well, I think the majority of kids look sad at bedtime, especially when there's a group of people over and they want to be involved.

Did you speak to her about it? Not in a 'that's unreasonable' sort of way, but maybe a mock '7.30! goodness, and is he even able to fall asleep that early or does he read or something?'

cory · 14/05/2012 09:36

Nothing you can do of course, and naturally it is her child her decision- but that doesn't mean we have to think it's right. It will cut him off and make him different from his peers and make many activities difficult for him.

AngryBeaver · 14/05/2012 09:37

Hmm,dunno.Not at that stage yet.My eldest has just turned 6. They all go to bed for 7. Dh and I like to have some evening to ourselves. Don't know about when they're 10/11, but I still think we'd have them in bed by 8 and allowed to read 'til 8.15/30. Like I said,dh and I need some downtime before bed to eat and chat and snuggle,and kids use up so much energy I think they need a decent night's sleep to recharge

squeakytoy · 14/05/2012 09:37

Poor kid :(

YANBU but like you say, there is little you can do about it other than sympathise with him.

It will likely come back and bite her in a years time when he goes to high school and realises that his mother is a control freak and his friends are allowed much more flexibility and freedom.

Flisspaps · 14/05/2012 09:40

I had a 7/7.30pm bedtime until I started secondary school. Was perfectly reasonable, and my mum is about as far away from a control freak parent as you can get!

CallMeAl · 14/05/2012 09:40

yeah, poor kid having a mother who cares about him and has strict rules. Totally a bad thing for children, that.

11 o'clock at night for children is ridiculously late.

CaptainHetty · 14/05/2012 09:41

It does seem a tad unfair for an 11 year old, I'd feel a bit sorry for him as well, but wouldn't feel it my place to say anything.

IAmBooyhoo · 14/05/2012 09:41

if he's going up to play quietly, read,listen to music and get himself to bed at his own pace then i dont think it's too early to send him up. if he's being expected to get straight into bed then for me personally i dont think he needs that much sleep but i am not his parent. i dont know how early he wakes or what his mood is like when he hasn't had enough sleep so i reckon his mum is the one who gets to say whether its too early or not because, ya know he's her child and she spends every day with him.

GnocchiNineDoors · 14/05/2012 09:42

I think as well (having seen a few friends kids go through it) that starting secondary school is exhausting and a few of them have had their bedtimes pulled forward a little as they are so mentally drained from all the new experiences. That is when you pull it from 8.30pm back to 7.30 or 8. I do feel a little sorry for him.

NOT that I would condone an 11pm bedtime (CallMeAl) but there are happy mediums.

IAmBooyhoo · 14/05/2012 09:44

and yes no dcs are every jumping for joy at being told to go to bed. my 6 year old tells me often that he will call the police on me if i make him go to bed every again. he alternates it with "but you make me go to bed every night! it's not fair!"

pictish · 14/05/2012 09:44

7.30 for an 11 yr old?! That's a bit mean isn't it?

My 10 yr old son goes at 8.30 - 9 during the week, and at weekends it's 9 - 9.30 depending on what he's doing.

7.30 seems very early to me.

Shanghaidiva · 14/05/2012 09:44

Seems quite early, but perhaps he needs a lot of sleep. My 11 year old goes to bed at 8.30 and can read for an hour. Weekends are much the same.

squeakytoy · 14/05/2012 09:45

At nearly 11 I had swimming, brownies/guides, or played out with friends till about 8pm, and was usually in bed by 10pm. I would have gone stir crazy if I had been forced to go to bed while it was still daylight!

glasscompletelybroken · 14/05/2012 09:45

YABVU and well done to your sister for raising her child to go to bed without complaining at the bedtime she has decided is right. In many houses bedtime is a pantomime of negotiation, pleading and ful-on tantrums.

Some may think it's early but maybe he needs a lot of sleep? All children look sad at bedtime - even if they are allowed to stay up late.

I agree with angrybeaver (great name) that it is important for parents to have some wind down time and couple time too (if they have a partner).

badtasteflump · 14/05/2012 09:46

That sounds pretty mean to me, particularly at weekends. TBH I know people like this and I'm a bit judgey about it - I think it's sad that some people seem to want to get their DCs out the way as soon as they can...

Friday and Saturday nights in our house are 'bedtime free' nights pretty much. It's nice to just relax and have some extra time all together. If there's nothing on tv we play the wii or a board game, and by about nine ish our youngest usually says she's tired and wants to go up anyway.

Apart from anything else, it usually leads to a lie in for us the next day

Original poster

shoegal34 · 14/05/2012 09:46

Yes agreed, not my place; just wondered whether I was far off the mark thinking it's too early.

When we had a chat about it she said she needs her downtime (works f/t) and feels it's important for him to get a good night's sleep. FYI he's allowed to read for half an hour on a weekend before lights out.

I won't be challenging her on it. I approached it at the weekend with a "Oh, 8pm is quite early, is he able to watch a dvd in bed?" Obv the answer was "no".

OP posts:

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 14/05/2012 09:47

maybe she just really, really needs him to be elsewhere from that point on in the evening. if you don't have kids yet you really can't know how farking irritating they are.

Adversecamber · 14/05/2012 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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