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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... in thinking my sister sends her son to bed too early?

191 replies

shoegal34 · 14/05/2012 09:27

He's 10, nearly 11. Goes to bed 730pm week nights, 8pm weekends. She pretty much rules with an iron fist, v strict parenting.

I feel for him, he always looks sad when it's time for bed but never argues. I was there at the weekend. I didn't understand why he couldn't stay up and watch the 'family' shows with us - BGT and the like. Tried to fight his corner a little (not while he was there). Got nowhere.

I don't have kids (hope to soon though). I often babysit my other nieces, same age as nephew, they are allowed to stay up 'til ten on a weekend. I sometime let them stay up 'til eleven if we're watching a film Blush

I know it's subjective and each parent to their own. Just wondering what others' opinions are?

OP posts:
bochead · 14/05/2012 12:03

What time does he get up? My son has NEVER slept in past 6 am even when ill or on holiday. His Dad is up at 5am as a matter of course (- used to drive me insane pre-sprog on a Sunday morning!) Individual's natural bodyclocks vary quite a bit, as do their sleep requirements. Some need 9 hours as adults, others only 4 or 5 hours to function properly even as adults.

We do our reading practice and homework in the mornings while most of DS's peers are probably still snoring away Wink.

The parent of an early bird ensuring an earlier bedtime that the child's peers is just being a good parent imho.

I'm sure your sister has good reason for deciding on this bedtime - after all she lives with the child and knows him best as his mother!

SeventhEverything · 14/05/2012 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JayelleBee · 14/05/2012 12:04

YABU, it is NOYB.

inmysparetime · 14/05/2012 12:17

My DCs are 10 and 8, and are generally in bed by 7pm. We are all early birds though, and get up around 6am.
If they have an evening activity, they can stay up until latest 9.30 once or twice in the week or 10pm at the weekend if we're at a party or something.
We don't let them stay up watching tv in the evenings though, as watching screens has been shown to disrupt sleep.
I certainly wouldn't let them "watch a DVD in bed", they don't have screens in their rooms. IMO that's worse than early bedtimes.

DialsMavis · 14/05/2012 12:24

What time does he wake up in the morning? if he didn't need to extra sleep it would be incredibly early, surely? My DS is only 9.5, so it's a bit different, but if doesn't get 11-12 hours sleep he starts to become a monster after a couple of nights. I do let him stay up a bit at the weekend, but he doesn't lay in reall,y so its 7pm into bed to read for 30mind in the week.

millpond · 14/05/2012 12:25

Thats ridiculously early for his age, he will be at secondary school in September FGS!

valiumredhead · 14/05/2012 12:30

And your pint is mill? Confused

5madthings · 14/05/2012 12:33

well my ds1 is 12 and he is normall up in his room by 8ish, sometimes a bit later and on a non school night i will let him stay up. he can read quietly or listen to music etc, but actually YES i do need my own down time, even once the kids are in bed i have washing up, tidying, pack ups to sort etc, so its normall 9pm by the time i sit down (or later given the toddler has been a pita at betime recently)

ds2 is almost 10 and goes up 7:30-8pm, ds3 is 7 and goes up by about 7:30, along with ds4 who is 4. ds2 can also read, listen to music, ds3 and ds4 get a story read to them and can then listen to music or a story cd etc, but they will generally be asleep within about ten mins of me leaving the room and i then go in and turn the cd off.

we have to be up by 7am to be out for just after 8am, so they need to go to bed at that time, as it is ds1 can be a bugger in the mornings (obviously like me and NOT a morning person!)

and as for looking miserable at bedtime, well kids do and they try it on, but depending on the time they need to get up and what activities they do etc its not unreasonable.

mine have later nights when they have sports clubs, but as soon as they are in its, drink, teeth, pjs and bed.

BsshBossh · 14/05/2012 13:57

OP, with a 7.30/8pm bedtime - what time does he wake up in the morning?

It does seem early to me (my nearly-4 year old is in bed by 7.30pm) but perhaps there's more to it than his mother needing more adult time.

OrmIrian · 14/05/2012 14:06

Yes it's too early.

valiumredhead · 14/05/2012 14:12

Why is it? orm

bubby64 · 14/05/2012 14:15

My 2 11yr olds have a bed time of 8.30 lights out at 9 on most school nights, 9.30 for 10 on scouts night and weekends (scouts doesnt finish til 9pm) unless we out somewhere. They want it later!!
I do feel that 7.30 is a bit unreasonable, but she knows her child, is he difficult to get up in the morning is he doesnt have enough sleep, or is he a naturally early riser? What happens if he has clubs etc, does he do any during the week?
As regards to asking opinions - we all have the right to ask, doesnt mean you are going to do every and anything said, it is up to you if and how you tackle this with your DSis.

OrmIrian · 14/05/2012 14:18

Because he gets no time to spend with his family.

valiumredhead · 14/05/2012 14:22

Presumably he'd spent all day with his family - it was a Saturday.

'Back in my day' (Wink) 10 year olds weren't allowed to stay up til 10,, it was unheard of!

spidermanspiderman · 14/05/2012 14:25

I went to boarding school and lights out at that age was 7.30 and to be fair once we were used to it we all actually needed this amount of sleep. Also recently there have been some articles about the fact that certain groups of children perform better at school is because they go to bed earlier!

valiumredhead · 14/05/2012 14:26

I am sure one of the reasons we didn't stay up late 'back in the day' was because there was sod all on telly back then.

OrmIrian · 14/05/2012 14:27

Not during the week.

Mrbojangles1 · 14/05/2012 14:33

glasscompletelybroken agreed my son gose to bed at 7 he is 12 my sister also thought judgy pants thought he was going to bed to early so when he stayed over at hers she kept him up till 11

Apperntly at 8 he started playing up by 10 he was being completely out of order snapping at every one in the moring she couldn't wake him an he was sulky the next day because he was so tired

My son is in bed by 7 listens to radio or reads and is usually out for the count by 8 and often I still have to wake him up in the morning

If others want to keep their kids up all night good for them but I fear op will sone change her tune when she has kids and sees what happens when a child has not had enough sleep personally I would rather deal with a shark

Op YABU

My sons school always have issues with children going to bed far to late, watching things on telly that are far to old as they are up to late their is one girl who has had serval warnings for falling asleep in class

Never know a teacher to have issues with a child who gose to bed early but they always have issues with chi Karen going to bed to late

Also their seems to be this trend I find to keep children up as company until their husbands get home

Mrsrobertduvall · 14/05/2012 14:34

My dcs were always in bed by 7pm on a school night until year 6 and 8pm on a weekend.
They are 15 and 13 now, and are in bed 9pm school night and 9.30 weekend.

Mrbojangles1 · 14/05/2012 14:39

OrmIrian you talking absolute rubbish I bet all these people who have teir kids up till 10 are not spending time with their kids at all their sitting in front of the box or kids are on face book

My son comes home from school we chat and he tells me about his day over a snack he will either already been to after school club by then

We usually play cards after he gets changed then he dose homework.

Around 5 dinner , we then watch about a hour of telly when ds can be borthred the. We play boggle of game of life which takes a lifetime about 45 minutes

He gets his stuff ready for school , gets a strip wash then grabs a book then bed

Their are people whose. Hildren go to bed at 12 who don't spend as much time with kids as I do

Mrbojangles1 · 14/05/2012 14:41

Mrsrobertduvall well done at least they are not roaming the streets like some people's children yesterday oh went petrol station some kids looked about 13 sitting in the rain by a bus stop

This was at nearly 12pm Shock they should be in bed get shut eye for school

thebody · 14/05/2012 14:41

Sounds very early for his age and a weekend. My youngest dd is 11 and have 4 older. We used sat nights as family pizza and movie night and often kids up till 10 with blankets and cuddles, lovely.

Week nights of course, well school nights are earlier,

Some parents just want me time at expense of family fun
Time, and actually find their dcs hard work.

u sound like a great auntie btw.

OrmIrian · 14/05/2012 14:42

Calm down mrsb Hmm I wasn't talking about you and your child.

Mrbojangles1 · 14/05/2012 14:43

The body

Some people just simply can't get their kids to bed and just find it easier to let them stay up all night and actually find their dds hard work

Why dose family fun have to be at gone 10 madness

U sound like a very mosey auntie btw

valiumredhead · 14/05/2012 14:44

u sound like a great auntie btw. and you know this how? Confused because she questioned her sister's rules?

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