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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... in thinking my sister sends her son to bed too early?

191 replies

shoegal34 · 14/05/2012 09:27

He's 10, nearly 11. Goes to bed 730pm week nights, 8pm weekends. She pretty much rules with an iron fist, v strict parenting.

I feel for him, he always looks sad when it's time for bed but never argues. I was there at the weekend. I didn't understand why he couldn't stay up and watch the 'family' shows with us - BGT and the like. Tried to fight his corner a little (not while he was there). Got nowhere.

I don't have kids (hope to soon though). I often babysit my other nieces, same age as nephew, they are allowed to stay up 'til ten on a weekend. I sometime let them stay up 'til eleven if we're watching a film Blush

I know it's subjective and each parent to their own. Just wondering what others' opinions are?

OP posts:
glasscompletelybroken · 14/05/2012 10:19

It's not even on the list is it Aitch!

halcyondays · 14/05/2012 10:20

As a general rule a 6 year old will need considerably more sleep than an eleven year old. But they are all different, I don't either of my two have slept 13-14 hours in their lives, apart from one or two free occasions.

IAmBooyhoo · 14/05/2012 10:22

this thread is quite funny. all the outraged people saying it will bite her in the bum and he will leave her at the first opportunity. well, so what? it's her family. she's the one that will have to deal with that if it happens. maybe we should all stage an intervention, you know to protect her from herself and the future of never seeing her grandchildren because she sent her son to bed at a reasonable hour. none of you know her story or this child's personality. tether your high horses and hang up your judgy jodphers. this is really no biggy at all.

littleducks · 14/05/2012 10:24

Maybe he needs alot of sleep? My kids need 12 hours to be lovely, every hour less that get and the mood/behaviour gets worse.

I need about 10 hours to be pleasant Wink

IShallWearMidnight · 14/05/2012 10:25

my SIl used to do tea at 4.30 and bed at 6 for her DC until they were 7 and 5. She refused to accept that the reason they were all up at 4.30-5am might have something to do with the bedtime.

bewitchedandbewildered · 14/05/2012 10:26

Oh excuse us booyhoo. We thought OP was looking for differing opinions and experiences.

Here we go again. Ya gotta love mumsnet.

CallMeAl · 14/05/2012 10:28

No, OP was looking for validation in hoisting her judgypants high, and got her wish with all the posters bitching about her sister with her.
How can anyone say if a child they haven't met needs a certain amount of sleep? They can't.

Wallace · 14/05/2012 10:28

At first I thought too early. Then I realised my dd is the same age and goes to bed at 8.

It is supposed to be 8.30 but she spends so long faffing around before bed that we had to start making her go to bed earlier...

IAmBooyhoo · 14/05/2012 10:29

opinions yeah, fine go for it. but saying idiotic things about people's children leaving them and never letting them see their grandchildren all because they had a bedtime as a child is ridiculous. i know i'm not wrong about that.

halcyondays · 14/05/2012 10:30

Nothing, but nothing could be worse than kids getting up at 4.30.to be fair though, I do think kids often have a natural sleeping pattern, maybe she has tried to keep them up later in the hope that they would leap later in the morning but it hasn't worked.

Mine are the other way, they would never go to sleep at 6.00 but they have never been early risers.

Original poster
shoegal34 · 14/05/2012 10:30

It's not really about staging an intervention is it? I thought this was a forum to discuss opinions on a variety of issues - parenting styles being one of them?

OP posts:
iamme43 · 14/05/2012 10:30

My son is 10............. general bedtime is 8pm........ but sat went at 10pm [bgt] so on sunday and mon he went to bed at 7....... and tues he has a club and weds will be back to normal.....

I would not say I was really strict but he needs his sleep so depending on what is happening depends on what time bed is..... but as said generally it is around 8pm.

Wallace · 14/05/2012 10:32

And I make my 12 year old ds go to bed at 9. dh works away and by god I do need some down time. Unfortunately ds3 (18 months) has been staying up til 10pm. sob sob

IAmBooyhoo · 14/05/2012 10:32

oh dear lord. do we have a sarcasm emoticon? it's clearly necessary.

shoegal i was taking the piss. as some of the comments on this thread invite me to do so.

MeKathryn · 14/05/2012 10:32

Thank goodness the poor child goes to bed early enough to miss BGT!

robotcornysilk · 14/05/2012 10:33

I don't think it's too early. He'll be reading in bed probably, so may not actually fall asleep till getting on for 9. Some kids really need their sleep and turn into grumpy horrors without it.

tyler80 · 14/05/2012 10:34

i still go to bed at 9pm when i can and i'm 32.

think the times you mention at that age can be reasonable depending on other factors, eg. time needed to be up in the morning

FateLovesTheFearless · 14/05/2012 10:34

My elder two are 7 and 6 (next month). They go up to their room around 7.30 and normally get an hour to wind down doing something of their choosing quietly. Sometimes they come down half an hour later to say they want to go to sleep, sometimes I go up around 8.30 and tell them to go to sleep. By the time they are eleven, I can imagine I would still want them to go up around 8pm though not to sleep. I agree parents should be allowed their own time as well.

saintlyjimjams · 14/05/2012 10:39

Mine go to bed about 8pm - bit later at the weekend. DS2 and DS3 are allowed to read in bed. They're vile if they go to bed too late.

DS1 (13) takes himself to bed - usually around 8ish. He sometimes comes down repeatedly but he's sometimes asleep by 8.30. Last night he was still up at gone 10pm which is very unusual for him. He gets up at frigging 5am though.

Anyway both dh and I need to work etc in the evening, so if the kids were going to bed at 10pm we'd be up ridiculously late ourselves.

titfortat · 14/05/2012 10:43

My 1 year old is down for 7, my nearly 7 year old goes down at 8. Weekdays and weekends. I don't see the point in messing up their routines "just because it is the weekend".

Personally, I plan to have the eldest going to bed at 8/8.30 by the age of 10/11. The only time I ever put his bedtime back by half an hour, is as he gets older, needing less sleep, and decides to have me up at 5am or before for 2 weeks in a row. Not knowing the child, I can't really truly comment but it does seem a tad bit early.

MoreBeta · 14/05/2012 10:45

YABU. Children are going to bed far too late in our modern world of 24/7 TV and computers.

Our DSs (age 10 and 12) go to bed at 7.30 (lights out at 8.00) on week nights and one hour later on weekends. They do so much sport and other activities and get up at 6.45 am that they need to go to bed early. I was at boarding school and those were the rules when I was 12. Each year we went to bed 15 minutes later so it was 9.00 pm lights out at age 16.

In fact the DSs school has taken to specifically asking parents (in official letters sent home) to send their children to bed earlier as some children are staying up so late they can't concentrate at school.

Original poster
shoegal34 · 14/05/2012 10:49

CallMeAl - it was hardly a judgmental post. I did say up front that I know it's subjective and each parent to their own.

I love my DSis and respect her very much - doesn't mean I agree with her always. I categorically do not want to 'b*tch' about her.

OP posts:
CallMeAl · 14/05/2012 10:51

It's totally judgemental "I feel for him, he looked sad" "I don't understand why he wasn't allowed watch tv with us" "I fought his corner"

if thats you being non-judgemental, I'd hate to see you when you are.

squeakytoy · 14/05/2012 10:54

Our DSs (age 10 and 12) go to bed at 7.30 (lights out at 8.00) on week nights

Shock at 12???? are your children not allowed to play out or see friends? by 13 I was working part time most evenings...

rhondajean · 14/05/2012 10:57

My dd1 is 12 and until v lately religiously went to bed at 7 30 or 8 tho I let her read for a bit.

She needs a lot of sleep and always has done. I don't want her being one of the many children who has their ability to learn compromised by being tired.

Dd2 needs less sleep and always has so will stay up a bit later when that age.

Yabu a bit, it's about what is good for the child not what others do, although Ive always let them both stay up on Saturdays to watch crap x factor or the like.